Part 43 (1/2)

Sally felt inclined to pinch, bite, or otherwise maltreat the speaker, so very worthless did her offer of optional disbelief seem, and, indeed, so very offensive. But her inclination only went the length of wondering how she could get at a vulnerable point through so much fat.

”Tishy quarrels with her mother, I _know_,” said she. ”But as to her doing anything like _that_! Besides, she never told me. Besides, I should have been asked to the wedding. Besides,” etcetera.

For, you see, what this elderly lady had asked the truth about was, had or had not Laet.i.tia Wilson and Julius Bradshaw been privately married six months ago? Probably, during aeons and epochs of knitting, she had dreamed that some one had told her this. Or, even more probably, she had invented it on the spot, to see what change she could get out of Sally. She knew that Sally, prudently exasperated, would give tongue; whereas conciliatory, cosy inquisition--the right way to approach the elderly gossip--would only make her reticent. Now it was only necessary to knit, and Sally would be sure to develop the subject. The line she appeared to take was that it was a horrible shame of people to say such things, in view of the fact that it was only yesterday that Tishy had quite settled that rash matrimony in defiance of her parents would not only be inexcusable but wrong. Sally laid a fiery emphasis on the only-ness of yesterday, and seemed to imply that, had it been a week ago, there would have been much more plausibility in the story of this secret nuptial of six months back.

”Besides,” she went on, acc.u.mulating items of refutation, ”Julius has only his salary, and Tishy has nothing--though, of course, she could teach. Besides, Julius has his mother and sister, and they have only a hundred and fifty a year. It does as long as they all live together.

But it wouldn't do if Julius married.” On which the old Goody (Sally told her mother after) embarked on a long a.n.a.lysis of how joint housekeeping could be managed if Tishy would consent to be absorbed into the Bradshaw household. She made rather a grievance of it that Sally could not supply data of the sleeping accommodation at Georgiana Terrace, Bayswater. If she had known that, she could have got them all billeted on different rooms. As it was, she had to be content to enlarge on the many economies the family could achieve if they consented to be guided by a person of experience--_e.g._, herself.

”Of course, dinner would have to be late,” she said, ”because of Mr.

Bradshaw not getting home till nearly eight. They would have to make it supper. And it might be cold; it's a great saving, and makes it so easy where there's one servant.” Sally shuddered with horror at this implied British household. Poor Tishy!

”But they're _not going_ to marry till they see their way,” she exclaimed in despair. She felt that Tishy and Julius were being involved, entangled, immeshed by an old matrimonial octopus in gilt-rimmed spectacles--like Professor Wilson's--who could knit tranquilly all the while, while she herself could do nothing to save them. ”It might be cold!!” Every evening, perhaps--who knows?

”Very proper, my dear.” Thus the Octopus. ”I felt sure such a nice, sensible girl as Miss Wilson never would. That is Conrad.” It really was a sound of a latch-key, but speech is no mere slave to fact.

”And I was really quite glad when Dr. Prosy came in--the way the Goody was going on about Tishy!” So Sally said to her mother when she had completed her report of the portion of this visit she chose to tell about. On which her mother said, ”What a dear little humbug you are, kitten,” and she replied, as we have heard her reply before, ”We-e-ell, there's nothing in that!” and posed as one who has been misrepresented. But her mother stuck to her point, which was that Sally knew she was quite glad when Dr. Vereker came in, Tishy or no.

Whatever the reason was that Sally was quite glad at the appearance of Dr. Prosy, there could be no doubt about the fact. Her laugh reached the cook in the kitchen, who denounced Craddock the parlourmaid for not telling her it was Miss Nightingale, when it might have been a visitor, seeing no noise come of it. Cook remarked she knew how it would be--there was the doctor picking up like--and hadn't she told Craddock so? But Craddock said no!

”Mrs. Shoosmith again--the everlasting Mrs. Shoosmith!” exclaimed the doctor. It was very unfeeling of them to laugh so over this unhappy woman, who was the survivor of two husbands and the proprietor of one, and the mother of seven daughters and five sons, each of whom was a typical ”case,” and all of whom sought admission to Inst.i.tutes on their merits. The lives of the whole family were pa.s.sed in applications for testimonials and certificates, alike bearing witness to their chronic qualifications for it. Sally was mysteriously hardhearted about them, while fully admitting their claims on the public.

”That's right, Dr. Conrad”--Sally had inaugurated this name for herself--”Honoria Purvis Shoosmith. Mind you put in the Purvis right.

Now write down lots of diseases for her to have.” Sally is leaning over the doctor's chair to see him write as she says this. There is something in the atmosphere of the situation that seems to clash with the actual business in hand. The doctor endeavours, not seriously enough, perhaps, to infuse a flavour of responsibility.

”My professional dignity, Miss Nightingale, will not permit of the scheme of diagnosis you indicate. If any disorders entirely without symptoms were known to exist, I should be delighted to ascribe the whole of them to Mrs. Shoosmith....”

”Don't be prosy, Dr. Conrad. Fire away! You told me lots--you know you did! Rheumatic arthritis--gout--pyaemia....”

”Come, I say, Miss Sally, draw it mild. I never said pyaemia. _An_aemia, perhaps....”

”Very well, Anne, then! We can let it go at that. Fire away!” The doctor looks round his own corner at the rows of pearls and the laugh that frames them, the merry eyebrows and the scintillating eyes they accentuate. A perilous intoxication, not to be too freely indulged in by a serious professional man at any time--in business hours certainly not. But if the doctor were quite in earnest over a sort of Spartan declaration of policy his heart feels the prudence of, would that responsive twinkle flutter in his face behind its mock gravity? He is all but head over ears in love with Sally--so why pretend? Really, we don't know--and that's the truth.

”Wouldn't it be a good way to consider what it is that is really the matter, and make out the statement accordingly?” He goes on looking at Sally, scratches himself under the chin with his pen, and waits for an answer.

”Good, sensible, general pract.i.tioner! See how practical he is! Now, I should never have thought of that!”

”Well, what shall we put her down as? Chronic arthritis--spinal curvature--tuberculosis of the cervical vertebrae?”

”Those all sound very nice. But I don't think it matters which you choose. If she hasn't got it now, she'll develop it if I describe it. When I told her mother couldn't get rid of her neuritis, she immediately asked to know the symptoms, and forthwith claimed them as her own. 'Well, there now, and to think what I was just a-sayin'

to Shoosmith, this very morning! Just in the crick of the thumb-joint, you can't 'ardly abear yourself!' And then she told how she said to Shoosmith frequent, where was the use of his getting impatient, and exclaimin' the worst expressions? Because his language went beyond a quart, and no reasonable excuse.”

”Mr. Shoosmith doesn't seem a very promising sort? He's a tailor, isn't he?”

”No; he's a messenger. He runs on errands and does odd jobs. But he can't run--I've seen him!--he can only shamble. And his voice is hoa.r.s.e and inaudible. And he has a drawback--two drawbacks, in fact.

He is no sooner giv' coppers on a job than he drinks them.”

”What's the other?”

”His susceptibility to intoxicants. His 'ed is that weak that 'most anythink upsets him. So you see.”