Vol 2 Chapter 12 (2/2)
Wei Shao Er’s voice cracked “But what if Qu Bing gets worse?” I reply “If Jiu Ye says he can wake Qu Bing up, then he will wake Qu Bing up.” Wei Shao Er still couldn’t decide and I got more anxious. But right now I’m considered n.o.body to Qu Bing, and at this moment I realized how important a proper t.i.tle can be. Even though he’s as important to me as my own life, I cannot speak up at this moment and can only beg and plead with Wei Shao Er.
Jiu Ye’s eyes are filled with tender pity and he suddenly turned to bow to Wei Qing “What does the Great General Wei think?” Wei Qing, normally a man of few words, couldn’t believe Jiu Ye turned to him to speak “Second sister, since things are what it is, we have no other choice. We have to take this risk, so let Mr. Meng perform his treatment! The Emperor is very concerned about Qu Bing’s illness and Mr. Meng would never be anything but careful. He must have thought things through before giving his treatment suggestion.” Wei Shao Er nodded her head, finally agreeing.
It’s no wonder he’s the man even Liu Che is wary of. Wei Qing said little but his every word was like a hidden knife. He made the decision but also placed all the risk on Jiu Ye, completely thorough. Jiu Ye ordered Uncle Chen to prepare everything. When the door to the room closed, I stood outside and just stared without moving. From morning until it was pitch black outside, there was still no movement in that room. After a long time, Jiu Ye asked for ice and it was pa.s.sed inside to him.
Wei Shao Er was so tense her lips were colorless, and I walked over to her to offer my hand. She hesitated and then grabbed it, our hands are both icy cold. But when we held hands, a warmth slowly seeped through. In that moment, among so many people, we understand each other’s pain.
She gripped my hand more and more tightly and her demeanor appeared to be shaky. She looked at me asking for some a.s.surance, and I looked at her with the conviction that Qu Bing would wake up. She couldn’t sustain herself any longer and put her head on my shoulder. My back was ramrod straight as I stared at that room. Qu Bing, you must be fine, nothing must happen to you!
The door silently opened and Jiu Ye came out with his face white and his lips blue. He grabbed the door weakly and nodded his head. Everyone cried out in happiness and Wei Shao Er rushed inside the room and then she cried “Why is he not awake?” All the Palace physicians ran inside but I turned back to Jiu Ye. I discovered he had pa.s.sed out in his wheelchair, and one middle-aged physician noticed as well and rushed over to Jiu Ye.
My heart was half ice cold and half burning up. The pain and the guilt was tearing me apart. I was in such a rush to see Qu Bing that I didn’t even notice Jiu Ye had pa.s.sed out. What must he had felt the moment he fainted?
“Congratulations, Madam. He’s awake. Mr. Meng lit some sleeping incense when he was treating General Huo, so it’ll take a bit of time for him to wake up. But right now he’s just sleeping and no longer unconscious.” Wei Shao Er was so happy her knees buckled and she sank to the ground. I hear that Qu Bing is fine and half of my heart calmed down, but the other half hurt even more. Jiu Ye was slumped in his wheelchair and his hands are so pale I can see the blue veins. I pick up his hands and it feels like ice “What happened to him?”
The middle-aged physician put down Jiu Ye’s other hand “He’s naturally of a weaker const.i.tution than most people, and the steam inside that room was astoundingly hot. A normal person could barely withstand a few hours, plus he had to keep using ice to cool down the General’s body temperature. The hot and cold mixed together, it was already a miracle he could endure it for so long.”
I rub Jiu Ye’s hands and use my mouth to breath warm air to try and heat it up. Uncle Chen bowed to the physician “Will doctor please treat Jiu Ye. When the General awakens he will surely greatly reward you.” The physician responded “A doctor who risked his life to save another is something I have never seen before. I don’t need you to ask me, I will do my best to treat him.” I tell Uncle Chen “Please prepare the carriage, we need to take Jiu Ye back to the s.h.i.+ Estate.”
Uncle Chen turned to look at the sleeping Qu Bing “When the General awakens, he will surely be anxious to see you.” I look at the crowd of people surrounding him, like stars around a moon, filled with royal relatives, doctors, and servants alike “I’ll hurry back, but whether I’m here or not makes no difference right now.”
Uncle Chen looked at Jiu Ye’s ashen white face and blue lips and sighed “Ms. Yu, please go with no worries! We will take good care of the young master.” When getting on the carriage, the servants want to help but I wave them off and gingerly carry Jiu Ye on the carriage myself. The physician followed “What splendid martial arts, you barely jostled the patient at all.” I force a smile “Thank you, and what is your surname?” He replied “I am Dr. Zhang, and we’ve actually met before. That day it was General Huo who summoned me to the s.h.i.+ Estate to treat the young miss.”
I answer “So I’ve already burdened Dr. Zhang before.” He shook his head “With Mr. Meng’s medical skills, I was not needed. But having a chance to listen to him talk medicine is something I ought to thank you for.”
Dr. Zhang personally brewed medicine and helped me feed it to Jiu Ye. He also carefully told me and Tian Cao all the things we need to be aware of before finally departing. When I left here with Jiu Ye, he was perfectly fine, but he came back unconscious. s.h.i.+ Buo was clearly not happy, but each time he wanted to say something to me, Tian Cao silently asked him not to.
Because I was worried Jiu Ye would need water or anything else, I stayed beside him while he slept fitfully on the pallet. It was like he was worried about things even in his dreams. His eyebrows would twitch and a look of pain would pa.s.s across his face.
This is the first time I’ve studied him in such close proximity, and it is also the first time he doesn’t try to conceal anything about himself by using pleasant smiles to hide his real feelings. I rest next to his pillow and start humming a herding song.
Jiu Ye’s furrowed brows start to loosen and his sleep deepens. I hum this ballad over and over and tears come to my eyes. This is a very popular Xiong Nu folk song that talked about a royal lady named Yi Zhu and a slave named Ba Ya Er and their love story. When I was a child, I often heard Yu Dan’s mother the Queen sing this song with a look of sadness and unshed tears. I didn’t understand back then why the song initially had Yi Zhu staring at Ba Ya Er’s back from a far away place, and ended up with Ba Ya Er staring at Yi Zhu’s back from a far away place.
I feel a hand caressing my cheek and I immediately snap out of it, unsure of when I went into a daze. My face was resting on the pallet and at this moment Jiu Ye had turned on his side and his face was directly opposite mine. We can feel each other’s breathing. His fingers were tracing my face, from the eyebrow to the eyes, the nose, the lips, the chin, as if he wanted to commit it to memory and carve it into his heart. His eyes were filled with earth shattering pain, rivers and oceans of regret and longing, of pain and agony.
I’m lured in by his eyes and my mind was shaken. He’s always so calm and placid, all the sadness he usually brushes away with a smile. Right now in the depths of his back eyes I can see two little versions of myself, with my face shocked but stubbornly unmoving. He slowly pulled back his hand and smiled. It was the usual smile like a Spring breeze, sweeping away the stormy clouds to return everything to suns.h.i.+ne, but obscuring the things hidden in his eyes.
After some time, he smiled at me “Can you sing the ballad you were humming earlier again?”
I woodenly nod my head and clear my throat and sing it again. After my song has finished for some time, the two of us are still frozen to the spot. His voice was so low it was barely audible “Why was Ba Ya Er so stupid? Why did he never turn back to look at Yi Zhu? Why did he keep forcing Yi Zhu to try and read his feelings? Why couldn’t he have told Yi Zhu how he really felt? He’s smarter than the wiliest fox on the plains, so why couldn’t be understand that Yi Zhu didn’t care about his humble birth and was willing to endure hards.h.i.+p with him?”
I had thought he didn’t understand the Xiong Nu language which is why I sang this song. I forgot how how well-learned he was, and that during the heyday of the Xiong Nu power, all the Xi Yu kingdoms bowed down to the Xiong Nu so the language was widely spoken in Xi Yu. I was so shocked I asked “You understand Xiong Nu? And you know the folk love story of Ba Ya Er and Yi Zhu?”
He hummed the last refrain “The cloud chased the moon and Ba Ya Er accompanied Yi Zhu. Ten thousand nightingales on the plains could not sing enough about their happiness.” His eyes stared at me without wavering “Even though Ba Ya Er did hurt Yi Zhu, but the ballad tells us that they did end up together happily ever after. Do you believe what this song said?” I don’t answer the question and tell him “I need to get going.”
He turned his head away from me and lightly said “I had hoped that I would never wake up, then you will stay here forever and take care of me. But then you would be worried and sad.”
All the tears I was supressing when I was singing came forth at last so I quickly turn around and wipe my tears “Please take care of yourself and get better. I’ll come visit you when I get a chance.” I finish talking and am about to walk out when he urgently grabbed my hand and said very slowly and carefully “Yu Er, tell me! Who do you care about more? Forget promises and vows. Without taking into account anything else, who do you think about just that little bit more. Who do you want to be with?”
I bit my lip and want to pull my hand back, but he refuses to let go. He asked the same question one more time, each word just as carefully spoken as before. I want to say something, but seeing his fatigue and worn out visage, I was torn between wanting to tell the truth and then not having the heart to tell him. I can’t say it out loud so I just jerk my hand out of his.
He sees me like this and the pain in his eyes is so visible, combined with so many other emotions. Finally it all just distills into dead silence. He suddenly let my hand go “Seeing you like this today, I actually already knew the answer. You can go now!”
I’m afraid to turn around and fly out of the room. I’m facing the cold bitter wind as I run into the dark night, my heart unable to calm down.
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