Vol 2 Chapter 10 (1/2)

Chapter 26: Angry Kiss

A twenty year old Huo Qu Bing is the s.h.i.+niest star in Chang An. The vibe around him is as if following him will mean untold riches and an unlimited future, ready to be made a Duke or a General. Huo Qu Bing remains brash and arrogant in the way he behaves, his aura so bright it hurts the eyes. Admiration, dislike, hatred, jealousy, toadies, there remains an entire a.s.sortment of feelings about him amongst the people in court. But regardless of whether one is a minister or a royal, there is not a single person who dares to directly oppose Huo Qu Bing’s intensity.

In comparison, Wei Qing becomes even more low key. In his tens of years commanding his forces, he has built up a long standing loyalty with his subordinates stemming from surviving battles together. His grace and valor is remains present, leaving him as st.u.r.dy as a mountain that the Emperor still cannot touch.

I hold a bamboo ledger, appearing to read it, but my mind is nowhere near it. That day, when Huo Qu Bing found me crying on Jiu Ye’s shoulder, I thought he would get mad at me. Instead, after we returned home, he just held me in the dark, not saying a single word or making a single movement. He was like a statue. After a long time, he gently placed me on the pallet and laid down next to me. I was afraid of his silence so as I was about to say something, he put his hand on my mouth “I don’t want to hear anything. Just get some sleep.” In his voice I could hear the faint anxiety and fear.

After that, he acted like nothing happened, treating me the same as always. But every night, if he didn’t come to my house, then he had someone pick me up to go to his estate. Because he has to attend court every day, and often the Emperor keeps him around afterwards, he oftentimes comes home drunk. I find myself usually staying at his place.

“Yu Er….” Huo Qu Bing called out. I had no idea when he actually entered the room, and I quickly put down the bamboo ledger “What’s going on?” He sat down next to me “There is a banquet tonight in the Palace, I…..” I asked “Planning to get drunk again?” He looked at me apologetically and I said “You can’t keep getting drunk so that Emperor has no chance to talk to you.” I handed him a summons and he opened it, turning his eyes icy cold “You’ve been summoned into the Palace.”

It’s a cool day, like its been washed clean by water, and the few clouds add a sense of liveliness. The female attendees at this banquet are strolling, their laughter mixed with their fragrance permeates the air. I’m leaning against a tree with my head raised looking at the sky. I suddenly sense someone staring at me. I turn and see a tall handsome man wearing a very rich attire staring me straight in the eyes. His face shows his disbelief and shock. I look at him and smile, and his shock disappears to be replaced with joy and unshed tears.

In a few moments, he’s composed himself again. He subtly walks around a few times, taking one more look at me before walking away.

Li Yan came out of nowhere and smiled at me “Ms. Jin appears to find admirers wherever you go. One Great General of the Han dynasty is devoted to you, and now a new addition to the court Sir Guang Lu appears to be quite taken with you. Jin Ri Chan arrived in Chang An only a short while ago. Because General Huo handled the defection of the Xiong Nu, the rumor is that he’s close friends with General Huo now.”

I felt a shock thinking about how she, of all people, happened to notice what just happened. I smiled and looked at a far away Li Gan “Your highness has been in the Palace for much too long if you’re only noticing romantic possibilities around you. Please don’t project your feelings onto someone else.” Li Yan glanced at Li Gan and with a cold smile “Ms. Jin appears to have lost weight lately?” and I reply “Your highness looks rather wan lately.”

Li Yan wants to marry me to Li Guang Li which means she fears me. More importantly, she wants to use this seemingly minor matter to test the Emperor’s intentions in this potential battle with the Wei family. Too bad for her, the Emperor may adore her, but he still refused to do as she asked. He did not favor the Li family over the Wei family. Instead, he chose to try and control Huo Qu Bing for his own benefit.

Empress Wei walked up to us “What are you talking about? What’s so amusing?”

Li Yan quickly bowed while Empress Wei helped her up “I’ve heard you haven’t been feeling well lately. In the future please spare these courtesies. When you have time, read some medical wellness books, and try not to think too much about taxing matters. If you can let it go, just let it go.”

Li Yan smiled “Whatever big sister says, little sister I will follow your advice. Compared to big sister, I suppose I am too narrow-minded.” Li Yan snuck a peek at me “Little sister I am very pressed with big sister’s vast kindness, to be able to let go of things in the past.”

Empress Wei smiled softly and asked Auntie Yun “Jin Yu is not familiar with the Palace, please take care of her.” She took Li Yan’s hand and they walked away together “A few of the other sisters are curious about a new hairstyle you created, all asking me to get you to teach them.”

Auntie Yun gently smoothed my hair “You and Qu Bing have both lost weight.” I softly called her name, my heart fill with an ache that I can’t express.

Auntie Yun continued “Since following the Empress into the Palace, over the years I’ve seen so much sadness. I’m older now, and my heart is colder. I want to urge you both to take a step back. A man cannot help but have three or four wives. As long as he loves you, that is all that matters. Putting Qu Bing’s personality aside, I can’t believe you’re also so stubborn. The Emperor is not saying you can’t marry Qu Bing. And with a princess as the first wife, as a concubine that does not lessen your status. Any other woman out there would have happily accepted this arrangement. Initially I was wondering why you can’t be more understanding. In such a complicated environment, why can’t you take a step back and must now cause everyone headache. Ay!” Auntie Yun sighed “Hearing Qu Bing talking about you, you seem like such a vibrant person. But seeing you like this today, I suddenly feel like it’s not important anymore. I feel like you two are living the romantic girlish dreams of the youngsters. “To have one person’s heart, to never be apart until the hair is white.” But how many women in this world actually experience this? Even the famed love stories of the past, the man ended up cheating on the woman and finding a new love.”

From the moment Huo Qu Bing entered the Palace, he was surrounded by all the young military officials and placed on a wors.h.i.+ping pedestal. My status is like dirt to his s.h.i.+niest star so there is no way we could be seated together. When he sees Auntie Yun is by my side, his demeanor seems to relax.

We are separated by the torches and the crowds of revelers. People are talking and dining, the gold and the silver flas.h.i.+ng. But all of this seems to disappears from our eyes. In this moment, I feel like we’re intimately close to each other. I feel like everything he’s thinking, I can understand it all. Yet we are physically apart from each other, so far apart that I feel like no matter how I reach my hand out I can never touch his hand.

Liu Che smiled at Huo Qu Bing “Your majesty I have ordered an estate built for you, the best in Chang An. It will start construction soon. And with a new home, all it needs is a lady of the house…..”

I lower my head and play with the wine cup in my hand. This is a long time coming and to be expected, it cannot be avoided. I’ve reminded myself numerous times, but for some reason my hand still shakes uncontrollably. The wine splashes out of the cup and lands on my new skirt. The little drops, the wet scars, it looks like a departing person’s tears.

Perhaps tomorrow will be the day I leave Chang An. Here in the wealth and power of the exalted and the royalty, within this largest and most luxurious city, where people from everywhere mingle, this place is not able to find s.p.a.ce for my happiness…..

Perhaps it is like Li Yan once said. I belong to Xi Yu, I belong to the desert. There might not be well-tended peonies in ponds there, but there are never ending blue skies and a sea of verdant gra.s.s.

My mind tried to think about all the wonders of the desert, but the blood in my body continues to chill. It becomes so cold that no matter how I try to contain myself, I cannot help but s.h.i.+ver. The wine in my cup, drop by drop, drop by drop, it continues to fall.

All the eyes at the banquet train with envy on Huo Qu Bing, but he looks aloof and with a barely concealed look of pain. Liu Che smiled and looked toward the side of the banquet where all the princesses were sitting, and right as he was about to say something, Huo Qu Bing suddenly stood up and walked to face Liu Che. He kneeled down and bowed his head on the ground and said in a resounding and certain voice “Your servant I thank your majesty for the generous grace. But your servant I have already decided. For every day the Xiong Nu is not eradicated, I shall never have a family. I cannot accept this estate!”

Huo Qu Bing’s words are tantamount to him making an oath that he is never getting married in his entire life. In a split second, the entire banquet falls silent, and the sound of a pin drop could be heard. Everyone looked confused, wondering why the normally brash accepting Huo Qu Bing would decline something as minor as an estate when he’s gotten much more rewards from Liu Che and he’s accepted it all. For someone raised in luxury like Huo Qu Bing, why would starting a family have any relation to eradicating the Xiong Nu?

I raise my head and stare in shock at Huo Qu Bing, my heart quivering with a sliver of happiness, but hurting more from the pain. Slowly that little bit of happiness also turned to sorrow and heartache. The cup in my hand shatters, but my heart hurts so much that I actually don’t feel the pain in my hand. I just feel my palm is hot, and I sense the drops of blood slowly dropping on my skirt. Thank goodness I wore a red outfit today, so it’s not going to be visible in the darkness.

Li Yan looked flabbergasted and shaken, while Empress Wei merely raised an eyebrow and continued smiling. Only Liu Che barely blinked an eyelash, keeping his original cool and smiling at Huo Qu Bing “The old saying is that a man needs to have a family first then a career. You’ve already defeated the Xiong Nu many times, and your name is world reknowned. As for eradicating the Xiong Nu, I merely want to push them out of the desert South region and force them to stay in the desert North. I did not seek to eradicate them, only keeping them from being able to attack the Han territories.”

Huo Qu Bing stared at Liu CHe, his demeanor chilly and somber “Your servant I have already made up my mind on this.”

Liu Che stared at Huo Qu Bing, his eyes as sharp as knives, his imperial aura radiating from the throne. Everyone looking at this scene is already lowering their heads but Huo Qu Bing remains with his head held high staring Liu Che in the eyes. The silence seems to make this face-off even more pressure filled until the air is thick with tension, but suddenly Liu Che starts laughing “Fine! Whatever you want. I will keep the estate for you until you eradicate the Xiong Nu, and then I will bestow it on you then.”

I lightly released my pent up breath. Liu Che backed down on this and Huo Qu Bing claimed a victory. But at what price? My heart hurt and my eyes are heavy with unshed tears. I hold the tears back, I cannot let them use my behavior to see through what Huo Qu Bing just did. I raise my head to look at the sky where there is a lone crescent moon and a few twinkling stars. My tears slowly stop coming, my heart was like a crane lightly flying away. In a second I’m a thousand miles away, flying back to the desert where we once rode side-by-side. That day there were people pursuing us with arrows, but we were free…..

A soft sigh came from Auntie Yun “Qu Bing said it and he did it. If it’s not you, then he’s not marrying anyone.” After the banquet ended, Auntie Yun walked me to the front gates. Huo Qu Bing was already waiting for me beside the carriage. We stare at each other from across the sea of people moving about. My heart churned and my tears bubbled forth. This moment, this second, it was like another lifetime. Auntie Yun said nothing and just quietly departed.

I pack away all my myriad emotions, skipping forward and waving at him. My face has a brilliant smile and I quickly run towards him. I could care less if there are people around us and I leap into his embrace. I wrap my arms around his waist and softly whisper “The Palace food didn’t taste very good so I’m still hungry. Let’s hurry home and have the chef make me something yummy to eat.”

Huo Qu Bing tightly embraced me and smiled. Before his expression was dark and solemn, but in a split second he turned back into the suns.h.i.+ne boy I knew “Let’s go straight home then.”

The ministers around us, some looked away because they didn’t want to cause trouble, but some of the more arrogant ministers stared at us with looks of disgust. Someone whispered loudly “In public? What shameful behavior!” Only Jin Ri Chan remained expressionless, but in his eyes was laughter and warmth. Huo Qu Bing directed his coldest look at the person who said that. The person initially shrank from Huo Qu Bing’s stare, but then puffed up his chest as if taunting him.

I held Huo Qu Bing’s hand and laughingly touched his nose, saying in a loud voice “So where could that crazy dog have come from? Running around randomly biting people. If someone was bitten by a crazy hound, it’s not like we can bite back. I guess we have to let the dog be a dog and do his crazy howling. I guess we can find amus.e.m.e.nt in that.” I purposely made a gesture like I was listening for something. That person wanted to say something but couldn’t without admitting he was the “dog” that I just referred to. He just bit his tongue and glared at me.

Huo Qu Bing laughed and tapped my forehead. He helped me on the carriage and I lifted the curtain to peek outside. I quickly dropped the curtain and he asked “Jin Ri Chan recognized you?” I nodded “He was very careful and discreet. He looked at me and then walked away.” Huo Qu Bing pulled me down to rest on his shoulder “Seeing how he cares about you, I ought to take him out to drink.”

He suddenly noticed the blood droplets on my skirt and his face changed color. He immediately pulled the hand I was keeping hidden in my sleeve out “You…..what is this…..” His voice was stuck in his throat and he couldn’t finish his sentence.

I smiled, wanting to explain but finding no good explanation. Even if I had an excuse he wouldn’t believe me. So I just stared at him with a smile, indicating he doesn’t have to fret. Huo Qu Bing silently stared at me, his eyes filled with hurt and self-blame. His finger lightly traced my smile and he lowered his head to kiss my palm. His lips traced the wound lightly, over and over again.

Qu Bing, the way you treat me, I do not feel the slightest bit of grievance.

…………………………………………………

“Yu Er, a lady is here to see you.” Hong Gu looked nervous, causing me to wonder who it was. She explained the person was a Madam Chen. I startled for a moment before realizing who it was. I’ve been staying at Huo Qu Bing’s Estate for the past few days and today is the first day I’m back in Luo Yu House. And immediately Wei Shao Er is here to see me. Looks like she’s been keeping track of my whereabouts, and is looking to keep this from Huo Qu Bing.

I walk to the mirror and look at myself, asking Hong Gu “Please invite Madam Chen inside! It’s not convenient to talk outside.”

Hong Gu didn’t leave but gave me another look “Xiao Yu, I’ve heard about what happened in the Palace. General Huo refusing the estate given to him by the Emperor, and vowing to eradicate the Xiong Nu before starting a family. We were all in awe of his patriotism, but there is no way the Xiong Nu can be easily eradicated. So if the Xiong Nu remains for one day, he’s not willing to marry and have kids? The Great General Wei has three sons already, and he’s had two wives, one of them a Princess. But the Great General Wei still goes on the battlefield to fight the wars.”

I didn’t get to answer her before seeing a stressed middle aged woman walking into the courtyard. She smiled to see me “You must be Jin Yu? Hong Gu didn’t come out for quite some time and I was worried you wouldn’t see me, so I was presumptuous and walked inside.” I hurry over to welcome her and apologize for making her wait. Hong Gu and Xing Yen politely greeted her and then left.

Wei Shao Er looked around my yard and her smile disappeared “I don’t want to beat around the bush. If there is anything I say that makes you uncomfortable, I apologize in advance.” I smile and nod, knowing my place in Chang An as but an orphan with limited connections, so might as well appear to be magnanimous.

“Gong Xun Aou told me that you don’t know your place and is just a hussy. Qu Bing’s bad behavior in the army base, you don’t try to stop him, and instead let him be. I heard this and felt terrible. I wasn’t expecting Qu Bing to marry a well-educated and virtuous woman, but at least she would behave appropriately. Right now the people in court are criticizing Qu Bing, and as a mother it hurts me to know this. I asked the Empress for her thoughts, and she surprisingly took your side. She requested that none of us pressure you. To know my sister likes you is something else, so likely you’re not as bad as Gong Xun Aou described. The way I see it, I just want to talk to you as a mother today.” Wei Shao Er talked and took notice of my demeanor.

I bowed “Madam please continue, Jin Yu is willing to listen.”

Her face showed a sliver of sadness “Qu Bing’s birthright you must have heard already. Since I did it, I’m not afraid of own up to it. I had him out of wedlock, and shortly after he was born, his father married another woman. In the Princess’ Estate, Qu Bing grew up following his uncle around, but he really longed for his own family. So today, you are causing him…..” She bitterly shook her head “They say “The worst unfilial act is to not have a descendant”, and how many twenty year old young men in Chang An doesn’t have a child already? Jin Yu, I’m here today as Qu Bing’s mother. Can you please reconsider. If…..” She stared at me “If you can leave Qu Bing, I would be eternally grateful.”