Vol 1 Chapter 11 (2/2)

After the Princess leaves, Li Yan asks why I wanted to see her personally, did she not send enough gifts and money already? I laugh and tease that money is naturally something where one can never have enough. She bops me on the forehead and smiles at me. I look at her carefully, she is dressed extravagantly but still elegant. Perhaps it is because she is already married, but her face has some shades of sultry despite dressed in simple layers. She sees me staring at her and blushes, asking if I saw anything? I laugh “Initially I didn’t see anything, but since you mentioned it, I think I do now.” She reaches out and touches her face “You must’ve been sneaking those books, shame on you!”

He eyes are filled with embarra.s.sment and a little bit of temper, which makes her look even more beautiful, and I just stare. “What a country-toppling beauty. The Emperor is lucky to have you. Even when he is stressed, seeing you will surely make him smile.” She asks what exactly I want, and I hand over a handkerchief with the Li character embroidered on it. She recognizes it as being identical to her old one, which she thought was lost awhile ago. I explain I burned the old one already and made a new one for her.

I continue “The original handkerchief was found by third young master Li and he was anxious to find the owner of it, so I decided to burn it to avoid problems.” She asks “Li Gan?” I ask if there is another third young master Li in Chang An?

She asks why I brought a new one if I burned the old one. I tell her to burn this one if she wants. We sit in silence, and then she asks if I knew about the deadly frost this Winter in Xi Yu? I’ve heard, and there has been a huge influx of dancers from the Xi Yu. Now, the price of watching a dancing show can buy the virginity of one of the dancers, that is how desperate they are.

She coldly remarks how this will cause all the dancing houses to engage in a price war until these girls will be worth nothing. I tell Li Yan that I have ordered none of my dancing houses to lower their prices or wages, and she knows I am helping these girls in the only way I can. I laugh that it’s for my on gain, since a price war will mean that the prices will stay low for a long time. She sighs, chiding me for refusing to accept a compliment.

I tell her that despite growing up in Xi Yu, I don’t have any emotional ties to there, so I don’t have a strong desire to help Xi Yu. Everything I do is for the business of the dancing houses. She wishes I had the same feelings as her but knows these things cannot be forced. She is just glad I am not standing in her way. She asks about business and I say it is good thank to her. She asks about her brothers, since she doesn’t have a chance to see them often. I say her second brother is now running with a pack of rich young masters in the city. She sighs that he’s always been the spoiled and pampered one in the family, and asks me to talk to him for her so that he doesn’t get into any trouble.

I stand up and say that I don’t want to manage her two brothers for her, and she tells me I ought to care if not because Li Yan Nian composed all these tunes for the dancing house. As I head out I suddenly run back inside, informing her that I am so lucky that the first time in the Palace I actually managed to see the Emperor, who is walking with the Princess in the distance.

She smiles and tells me to wait with her to welcome the Emperor, the Princess will surely speak well of me.

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Xiao Qian lands on the window sill and I remove the cloth, chiding him for needing to go on a diet soon or else he’ll become a small chicken. In the note, Jiu Ye asks me where I learned some new Xi Yu phrases, and then reminds me the two pigeons need to go on a diet or else they will be ashamed to call themselves pigeons. I laugh out loud.

I take a cloth and write “I’m laying on the window and talking to you right now. I’m guessing you are reading a book under the lamplight. When I raise my head I see the stars above, and the flowers of the Lover’s Vines are blooming. The white ones are like jade while the yellow ones are like gold, the fragrance blanketing the air. I can smell it even when I’m going to sleep at night. I already plucked some to dry in the bamboo basket, so that when Fall comes and the flowers wilt, I can still smell the dried flowers. I went to the Palace today, after much deliberation. The Li family is a prominent one in the Han court, different than the Great General Wei’s lowly birth, the current General Li Guang is descend from a line of high Han court officials. I gave Li Yan the handkerchief, knowing that she will surely not be able to resist aligning with this prominent family, knowing that Li Gan can be of use to her. I know Li Gan’s adoration of her will only become a tool for her to use. But I can’t worry about that anymore. I only want to do what can help you. I only want to see you happy. Once the Han dynasty stops attacking the various Xi Yu territories, will the worry in your brows ease? Perhaps then you can genuinely be happy and do what you want to do, and stop forcing yourself…..”

I put this cloth in the chest with a smile.

“The days pa.s.s so fast, and in a blink of an eye, it’s already the end of Summer. The flowers in the Lover’s Vines are growing spa.r.s.e. Today I suddenly understood that the Lover’s Vines do represent a pair of lovers. A pair of lovers who go through a lot and finally have happiness. One flower opens first, but then waits for the other flower to open. Isn’t that like a pair of lovers who hasn’t met before. When the opened flower turns yellow is when the other flower opens. One white and one yellow, when they meet and dance. When one flower wilts the other continues to valiantly bloom, to not waste the chance given. Their blooming reminds the person viewing the flower that there was once another flower blooming besides it. Once it disappears into the wind, I believe that in the wind, the other flower waits there, unseen and silently, for it to be reunited………”

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“It is already Fall and the rain comes down. A person feels a bit lazy, constantly thinking about random things. Heard the Princess mention that Li Yan is worried about why she has not yet conceived. Her worry isn’t just a desire to become a mother, it is that without a child, her plan cannot begin. The position of the Crown Prince remains empty, so if she can bear a boy, one day she can fight for the throne for him. No matter how much love a woman receives, the only way to protect her position down the line is only through her child.”

Seeing Li Yan, in addition to admiration, I am also scared of this woman. How strong must her hate and love be, for a woman to gamble on her entire life and the life of her child in a deadly battle of intrigue. I ask myself, and there is no way I can do it. If I had a child, I will never, ever, let the child get embroiled in a battle. I will teach the child the same things Papa taught me so that the child learns how to strategize, but I want to child to grow up happy and safe. Strategic intelligence is just something to be used to protect oneself.

My face starts to heat up. I haven’t gotten married yet and already I’m thinking about my child’s future. I wonder if I will ever have a child in my life? After thinking for some time, I don’t have an answer. But when i look outside and see the Lover’s Vines, which only have green remaining on them, I think I understand. Not every bloom will flower, but to welcome the sunlight and bid farewell to the moonlight, playing with the wind and battling with the rain, that is living a full life. I don’t think they will have any regrets……

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