Vol 1 Chapter 1 (1/2)

Chapter 1: The Past

The days pa.s.s as fast as the nightly desert winds, a moment becomes a thousand miles. It was supposed to be a brief respite after being injured, but the gra.s.s on the plains have wilted three times already and the leaves in the Hu Yang Forest have fallen three times already. Three years, over a thousand some days and nights, accompanying the wolf pack wandering from the North of the desert to the South, and then back up to the North again. Within the happy playing, I’ve almost never left the wolf pack. The six years spent with Papa appears to be buried underneath the yellow sand. Except…..it is but an appearance.

In the dark night, when all is quiet, next to the fire I sit with Brother Wolf. He’s already deep asleep but I have not one whit of sleep in me. During the day, I glimpsed the Xiong Nu army, the first time in three years. Unexpectedly, under the thundering hooves of the horses, it awakened the buried past of years ago.

Nine years ago, Xi Yu desert.

A person lies in the desert. I stare at his eyes, he stares back at me. A lizard crawls over his face. He doesn’t stir. I curiously use my paws to swat his face, but he still doesn’t stir. But the corner of his mouth turns down, like he’s smiling.

I investigated from sun up til sun down, finally realizing why he doesn’t move. He’s dying of thirst.

Even today I do not understand why I saved him? Why give him the sheep I worked hard to capture? Why did I find myself a Papa? Is it because his eyes has something that seems familiar, yet also unfamiliar? After feeding him fresh blood, he regained his strength, and then did the proverbial thing people are said to do – metaphorically stabbed me in the back he did. He used a rope to secure me and took me away from the Gobi desert where I lived with the wolf pack, bringing me into a tent where humans live.

He drank the fresh blood of the sheep, but forbade me from drinking blood or eating raw meat. He forced me to walk upright, forced me to learn to talk like him, forced me to call him “Papa”. For this I fought with him often, but he was never afraid. After every fight I would try to run away, and he would capture me back.

The torture was hard to endure. I didn’t know why he treated me this way. Why force me to be a human being? Is there anything wrong with being a wolf? He told me – I am a human, not a wolf, so I can only be a human. Once I started to write, I understood a bit about my past. I was a lost or abandoned orphan that was raised by the wolf pack, who treated me like a baby wolf, yet he is trying to turn me back into a human.

“I won’t comb anymore!” I screamed as I threw the brush down. I was so angry I wanted to take it out on something. My arms are tired and still my hair is a mess and I can’t make a simple braid. Initially I was excited to look at how pretty I looked by the edge of the river, but the ever messier hair left me with only a belly full of frustration.

A bright clear day, there was only one average sized cow by the river banks drinking water. I eyed the black cow and then walked behind it, delivering a huge kick to its flank hoping to shove it into the water. The cow moo’d but didn’t move. I wasn’t done with it so I kicked it again. With a flick of a tail and a head turned to look at me, I realized something was wrong. I found the wrong outlet for my frustration. The cow was a rock, and I was the egg.

I decided to go first and unleashed a wolf howl, hoping to scare it away. Usually when I did this, the horses and sheep would run away scared. But the cow just turned and pointed its horns at me, spitting mad. The second it started to move, I turned and ran with a scared scream. I finally understood why people used the phrase “bull temper” when chiding stubborn people.

I felt my b.u.t.t hurt but I had no time to worry, turning left and right……

“Brother Cow, I was wrong, please stop chasing me. I would never dare kick you again, I’ll only pick on the sheep from now on.” I was exhausted but the cow kept chasing. “Stupid cow, I warn you, don’t think I’m just a lone wolf right now, I have a lot of companions. When I find my companions, we’ll eat you.” My threats didn’t work, leaving me crying as I kept running.

Running out of breath, I said “If you….harm……me…..my…..my Papa will cook you, so please…..stop chasing….chasing me.”

My words seems to have worked, as two people walked by, one of them Papa. I ran towards him, the first time he’s seen me wanting him as I reached my hands out and ran into his embrace. He grabbed me before realizing the cow was almost upon us. It was too late to dodge, when the other man suddenly stepped in front of Papa and faced the cow.

I stared wide eyed as the cow charged him, but with lightning quick reflexes he grabbed the cow’s horns and immobilized it. The cow tried to push forward but the man held his ground. I stare and thought to myself – if he was a wolf, he would be the leader of the wolf pack.

Papa held me and moved me aside. He smilingly complimented the man “Often hearing of my Lord’s t.i.tle as the number 1 warrior of the Xiong Nu tribe, now I know the honor is well-deserved.” The young man smiled “Just a little brawn is all, used only to defeat a small cow. How can it compete with Teacher’s vast knowledge?”

The young man watched as I struggled out of Papa’s grasp. Papa said “All I know are the dead knowledge in books. My Lord has already learned more from the world.”

I walked over to the young man and kicked the cow “Chasing me? Still want to chase? Huh, huh? Kick you twice, for chasing me until I almost died.”

The tamed cow started to stir and Papa grabbed me again, apologizing to the young man. “This is my little girl. She’s got a willful temper. Apologies for creating problems for my Lord.”

When Papa wanted me to bow, I stood there and stared, I was too young then to a.s.sess a person’s looks, but facing someone that handsome was something even I could easily comprehend. I stared for a long while before blurting out “You are so good looking. Are you the most handsome man in the entire Xiong Nu tribe? But Yu Dan is also good looking. I wonder if he’s as grown up as you, he will be as handsome as you?”

He lightly coughed twice and with a small smile sneaked a quick peek at Papa. He turned to manage the cow, while Papa quickly apologized for not teaching me proper manners. He let the cow go and turned to see Papa covering my mouth with one hand while restraining me with the other, while I tried to kick at him.

He shot Papa an understanding look “This is surely more difficult than taming a furious cow.” How dare he compare me to a cow! I glared at him which only made him laugh. He told Papa “Since Teacher has pressing things to take care off, I shall be off.”

Once he left, Papa dragged me back to the tent. I thought he would horse whip me like I’ve seen parents do to kids here on the plains. But instead he took out a comb and made me sit down. “Hair flying everywhere. The Lord might not be the best looking man in the Xiong Nu tribe, but right now you are surely the ugliest girl on the plains.”

I immediately stilled and looked in a mirror. “Uglier than that old grandma who lost all her teeth we saw a few days ago?” “Yes.” “Uglier than the fat woman who could barely walk?” “Yes.” I stared at myself in the mirror, caked with dirt, hair everywhere, as scraggly as can be. The only thing nice was a pair of s.h.i.+ning eyes.

Papa washed my face and braided my hair. “Let’s braid two braids. I’ll do one, and you can learn from me and do the other. Once we are done, you’ll be the prettiest girl I have ever seen.”

………………….

The embers started popping, startling me awake. Brother Wolf stretched and then flopped back down. I patted his back and let my mind slip back into the past. That year I was perhaps 7 or 8 years old and had just started living with Papa for one year. That was the day I learned to braid my hair, and it was also the day I first met Yi Zhi Xie. A good friend of my Papa’s, the uncle to the Crown Prince Yu Dan, the younger brother to the Shan Yu (the Leader of the Xiong Nu tribe). Because he often came to see Papa, we became very familiar with each other. He would take me along every time he went hunting.

………………….

Papa won’t let me attend the banquet unless I memorized the “State Manual”. I chewed my nails and asked Papa why he doesn’t just go teach Yu Dan, since Yu Dan is his student. Or have Yi Zhi Xie memorize it, which he would love because he loves reading Han books. I only like to hunt. Papa glared at me, so I shot back “Yu Dan doesn’t ask me to address him as Crown Prince. And Yi Zhi Xie says I can address him by his name. Why can’t I?”

Papa sighed and explained to me that these are the strictures of this world. They can address me directly, but I need to speak to them respectfully. In the wolf pack, little wolves also need to respect the older wolves. Yu Dan is 4-5 years older than me, and Yi Zhi Xie is 7-8 years older. I need to respect them.

I realized he made sense this time so agreed to address them as Crown Prince and my Lord. But I still didn’t want to memorize the book today, I wanted to attend the banquet and eat roasted lamb meat. Dad took my hand out of my mouth and wiped it. “You’re almost 10 yet you refuse to grow up. His Lord was already on the battlefield when he was your age.”

I boasted that he couldn’t beat me when we chased rabbits together. But I remembered my promise to him and clapped my mouth shut. “I promised I wouldn’t tell otherwise he won’t take me out playing anymore. Please don’t let him know.” Dad smiled and brought up the “State Manual”. I called him a villain and tromped off to memorize it.

Dad was called away by the Dan Yu, and immediately I ran outside to have fun. I found Yi Zhi Xie sitting by the slope and tip-toed over to scare him. When I got close, he suddenly lunged over and grabbed me, scaring me. I laughed and held him by the neck. “Yi…..my Lord, why are you here? I heard you are getting married and tonight’s banquet is for you.”

Yi Zhi Xie held me on his lap, asking if my Papa lectured me on proper manners, always forgetting that the Xiong Nu don’t care about such formalities. He confirmed he was getting a lady wife. I looked at his face and asked why he wasn’t happy? “Isn’t she the only daughter of a great general and everyone wants her? If Yu Dan wasn’t so young, the Shan Yu will surely have married her to him.”

He smiled “Silly girl, pretty isn’t everything. I’m not happy or unhappy.”

“Papa says a married couple spends a lifetime together. I want someone good looking when I get married.” I looked at his chiseled face carefully. “At least it can’t be someone worse than you.” Yi Zhi Xie laughed and tapped my cheeks “How old are you, already itching to leave your Papa?”

My smile froze, he and Yu Dan know how old they are, but I don’t. I’m probably 9 or 10 years old right now, but there is no way to be certain. Yi Zhi Xie thinks it’s a good thing, what others have no control over, I can choose for myself. I got excited “Yes, Yes, I can decided how old I am! I want to be 10, so I can make Mu Da Duo call me older sister.”

He smiled and patted my head, turning to look towards the distance. I wanted to go hunting rabbits but he didn’t agree readily as before. I asked what he was looking at, but he instead asked me what was due South East of here.

I named the sheep, the mountains, the Gobi Desert, then finally the Han kingdom, homeland to Papa, who says it’s very beautiful there. Yi Zhi Xie remarked that the Xiong Nu lands are also quite beautiful. While the Han dynasty is nothing special, the current Han Emperor is someone special. I wondered if he was better looking than Yi Zhi Xie?

Yi Zhi Xie lamented being born a few years too late. He can only watch the Han dynasty continue to expand, little by little encroaching ever close to the Xiong Nu lands. General Wei Qing already is a headache. If a few more powerful generals emerge, with the power hungry drive of the current Emperor, the Xiong Nu tribe may one day be eliminated.

I looked East, and then back at him. I didn’t say anything, just put my hand in my mouth to chew on my nails. I just looked at him as he lightly touched my eyes and his hands stopped at my lips. He smiled “I hope in a few years, you will understand what I am saying, and will still be willing to sit by my side and listen to me talk.”

He took my hand out and wiped it with his sleeve. He pulled me up and said “I have to go back to prepare for tonight’s banquet.” I decided to go find Yu Dan to watch this afternoon’s archery compet.i.tion, hoping I don’t run into Papa.

I hold a platter with a lamb’s head and kneel before Yi Zhi Xie. Somehow my actions have transformed the formerly merry banquet into total silence. The Shan Yu pretends to smile, Papa looks torn, Yu Dan looks upset, and finally I peek at Yi Zhi Xie. His brows tighten for a second before his face is suddenly expressionless, but his eyes are warm. My shaking hands stop trembling under the eyes of everyone staring at me.

Yi Zhi Xie explains that I have never seen the power of the Shan Yu in action, so of course I will a.s.sume a small falcon is a great eagle. He announces that the biggest hero in the Xiong Nu today is surely Yu Dan, who didn’t miss a single target in today’s archery compet.i.tion. He takes the lamb platter from me, giving me a wink, and goes to kneel before Yu Dan. He lowers his head and presents the platter to him.