Part 4 (1/2)
”Lucky?” I said, holding it carefully out of reach.
”I'm still here, aren't I?”
I put the hammer down at the opposite end of the bench. ”What's the problem, Armourer?”
He sighed as he realised he was going to have to talk to me after all.
”Seems like everyone in the Hall is trying to draw power from the Heart, all at the same time. Every d.a.m.ned department at once. I'm supposed to have priority, but it's all I can do to elbow my way into the queue. If I have to go upstairs and complain, there'll be tear gas and shrapnel flying through the common rooms...”
”Why is there so much demand for power?”
”Don't ask me. Ask b.l.o.o.d.y Alistair!”
I recognised the tone. ”All right; what's Alistair done now?”
The Armourer gave me his best put-upon expression. ”First the Matriarch increases my budget, and my workload, and tells me my projects have top priority until further notice; and then b.l.o.o.d.y Alistair comes poncing in here and announces he's chosen the armoury as the best place to start his latest efficiency drive. So now not only has my workload gone through the roof, but I have to account for everything we do and use, in triplicate! If I'd wanted to spend half my life up to my elbows in paperwork, I'd have shot myself in the head. Better yet, I'd have shot b.l.o.o.d.y Alistair in the head, and it may yet come to that. So far I've taken to just ignoring the paperwork and using his increasingly distraught memos as toilet paper. And then sending them back to him.”
I couldn't help smiling and nodding. Typical Alistair: penny wise and pound foolish. Always trying to be useful in the worst possible way. Someone once suggested, well out of Grandmother's hearing, that the best way to bring down our enemies would be to send them Alistair as a gift. I suddenly stopped smiling. Someone in the family was a traitor...and what better way to handicap the family than by undermining and disrupting the work in the armoury? I shook my head reluctantly. I really liked the idea of nailing Alistair as the traitor, but I knew for a fact he'd had to go through all kinds of security checks before the family would allow Martha to marry him. If there'd been even a hint of anything suspicious about him, they'd have found it. I looked around abruptly as the Armourer jabbed me warningly in the ribs, and there was Alexandra Drood, bearing down on me like a heat-seeking missile.
”What the h.e.l.l are you doing down here, Eddie?”
”h.e.l.lo, Alex,” I said easily. ”Good to see you again too. You're looking deliciously stern, but then you usually do. Especially in certain dreams I've been having, involving you in leathers in a dungeon...Don't look at me like that. I'm here to pick up something in the small but deadly line, for my next mission. What are you doing down here?”
She stood squarely before me, fists planted on her hips. ”I run this place now. I'm in training to take over from the Armourer, when he retires.”
I looked at the Armourer. ”Retiring? You? Really?”
He shrugged uncomfortably. ”Comes to us all, Eddie. I'm not getting any younger, despite all my experimenting in that area, and the family depends on the armoury for new ideas and new approaches, as well as new weapons. Maybe it is time for a change. I just oversee things, these days. Paperwork, remember? Alexandra takes care of all the day-to-day business. And does it very well.”
He actually managed a real smile for her, which she ignored, her fierce glare fixed on me. I considered Alexandra thoughtfully. She was a cousin of mine, from the same year as me. We'd attended a lot of cla.s.ses together, and she always was teacher's pet. A first-cla.s.s student, and the first to tell you so. Alexandra was tall and blond, with a balcony you could do Shakespeare from. Every inch the Aryan ideal, and twice as scary. Her lab coat had been starched to within an inch of its life and was dazzlingly white. She was pretty enough, in a totally intimidating sort of way, but she always gave the impression that she was about to lunge forward and bite you. And not necessarily in a good way. She glared at me with more than her usual ferocity, and I instinctively looked around for some raw meat to throw her. She prodded me hard in the chest with a forefinger.
”Careful, dear,” I said. ”In some cultures, that means we're engaged.”
”I am not your dear!”
”You have no idea how safe and secure that makes me feel, Alex.”
She took a few deep breaths to steady herself, which did very interesting things to her balcony. I had to look away for a moment. When Alexandra spoke again, her voice was icily calm and controlled.
”I'd heard you were back, Eddie. I don't know how you have the nerve to show your face in the Hall. You turned your back on the family, after everything they did for you.”
”Because of everything they did to me. I still serve, but in my own way.”
”There can be only one way! You betrayed the family trust; the old traditions of duty and responsibility. You ran away from the Hall. Away from me.”
”I'd have died by inches if I stayed here, Alex. You know that.”
”You should have stayed away. You have no place here any more. No one in the family wants you here. No one. Now get the h.e.l.l out of my armoury before I have security throw you out.”
”Ah, Alex; it's good to see position and authority hasn't mellowed you. How's the work here going? Bitten the heads off any more white mice recently?”
”That was just the once! And it was a perfectly reasonable scientific experiment!”
”Of course it was, dear. You still cried like a girly when I had to give you all those rabies shots afterwards.”
I couldn't say I was all that surprised to discover Alexandra was the new Armourer in training. She always was ambitious. Not to mention almost viciously focused and driven to excel. Alexandra was hard-core family, utterly dedicated to the good fight, with no time at all for people on the edge, like me.
”I'm here to pick up some new weapons for my mission,” I said, putting on my best let's-all-be-calm-and-reasonable face. ”I have a chitty, from the Matriarch.”
Alexandra gave me a look that plainly said she didn't believe a word of it, and stuck out a hand for the paperwork. I handed it over, and she made a point of scrutinising it very thoroughly, line by line, looking for some subclause she could use to turn me down. I favoured her with my most confident and beneficent smile, which made her scowl ever harder. She'd give herself a headache soon, if she wasn't careful. In the end, she had no choice but to approve my chitty. It came direct from the Matriarch, with her seal and signature. Alexandra reluctantly put her initials in the s.p.a.ce provided, and then thrust the papers ungraciously back at me.
”It all seems valid enough,” she growled. ”But I don't want you in my armoury one moment longer than necessary, Eddie. You're a troublemaker. You breed dissent, and you undermine proper authority. You stand for everything I disapprove of in the family. We should have eliminated you years ago. You're a security risk, and you always will be.”
I had to smile. ”And to think I sent you a Valentine's Day card, when we were both fourteen.”
Her mouth twitched briefly. ”So it was you. I did wonder.”
At which interesting point, we were interrupted by the arrival of another field agent. It was Matthew Drood, and Alexandra was suddenly all smiles for him. Matthew was another cousin from my year, and everything the family had wanted me to be. He'd grown up to be everything I'd always thought he would: very slick, very smart, very smooth. And not half as good in the field as he liked to make out. I'd worked a few cases with him in London, and somehow he ended up with all the credit after I'd done all the real work. He stood casually before me in his expensively cut suit, everything a field agent shouldn't be: tall, dark, and handsome, and effortlessly charming when he chose to be. Good luck trying to hide him in a crowd. (All right, Uncle James was all those things too, but James had style.) Matthew worked mainly in business circles, keeping the City...if not actually honest, at least a lot more cautious. He also tended towards scorched-earth solutions to most problems, in which there was no such thing as an innocent bystander. Hard-core family, of course, which was why he and Alexandra got on so famously together. Matthew finally broke off being charming to her long enough to notice me.
”Ah, Eddie...Super to see you again, old thing. You're looking very...urban. Back from exile so soon? What happened, old boy? Run into something you couldn't handle? You should have called me; you know I'm always ready to sail in and save the day.”
”Yeah,” I said. ”That'll happen. Actually, the Matriarch summoned me back here to personally brief me on my next mission.” I don't normally stoop to one-upmans.h.i.+p, but Matthew always did bring out the worst in me. His pleasant smile started to look a bit forced, so I pushed things a little further. ”I'm surprised you didn't hear, Matthew. I always thought you were cleared for top-level discussions.”
”Really?” he murmured. ”A secret mission, you say? Do tell...I'm just dying to know what kind of top-level mission would demand someone of your...particular talents.”
”Sorry,” I said. ”But it would appear you don't have high enough clearance.”
He stiffened perceptibly and turned abruptly away to bestow his most charming smile on Alexandra. ”Lexxy, darling, I come to you in need. I'm afraid I just have to have another truth field generator. I absolutely wore the last one out, following paper trails through the City on that big Brazilian fraud case...”
”Of course, Matthew. Nothing but the best for the family's golden boy. Come with me, and I'll fix you right up.”
They both turned their backs on me and strolled away arm in arm, laughing easily together. The Armourer and I looked after them.
”What that girl needs,” said the Armourer, ”is a right good-”
I quickly dropped my clapped-out portable door on the bench in front of him. ”I need this recharged. And as soon as possible.”
”I know, I know; I've read the chitty. Matriarch wants you fully equipped with the best we've got and out of here, on the double. Business as usual, these days.” He called for one of his interns, who came and took the portable door away, holding it at arm's length like a dead mouse. The Armourer lurched to his feet and fixed me with a penetrating stare. ”You come with me, Eddie. And I'll show you a few things that might just keep you alive when everyone else wants you dead.”
He led me over to another testing bench, shooing away half a dozen interns, and picked up a large silver handgun. He weighed it thoughtfully in his hand, and then pa.s.sed it over to me. I raised an eyebrow at how heavy it was, and he smiled proudly.
”That is a Colt Repeater. It never runs out of bullets, and it aims itself. All you have to do is point it in the right general direction, and the gun will take care of the rest. Even you should be able to manage that, Eddie.”
”What about recoil?” I said, just to be picky.
”Since I made it with people like you in mind, none worth the mention. Try not to use it for too long at one time, or the binding spells will overheat, and the replacement bullets might not be able to find the gun.”