Part 30 (1/2)

Domestication is different from taming. It implies selective breeding. Elephants can be tamed, but are not domesticated.

ALAN What's that Tony Hanc.o.c.k joke? Where he sees the reindeer head on the wall in the gentlemen's club, and says, 'Cor! He must have been s.h.i.+fting when he hit the other side of that wall!' What's that Tony Hanc.o.c.k joke? Where he sees the reindeer head on the wall in the gentlemen's club, and says, 'Cor! He must have been s.h.i.+fting when he hit the other side of that wall!'

What was odd about Rudolf the Red-nose Reindeer?

He was a girl.

Despite being called Rudolph and referred to as 'him', like all Santa's reindeer 'he' must in fact have been female. Male reindeer lose their antlers at the beginning of the winter. Females keep their antlers until they give birth in the spring.

Reindeer/caribou are the only female deer to have antlers. They are shed and regrow every year. They are shorter and simpler than those of the males but still grow at a rate of more than 2.5 cm (1 inch) a day, making them the fastest-growing tissue of any mammal.

The other possibility is that Rudolph was a eunuch. The Sami sometimes castrate male reindeer, thus enabling them to keep their antlers, and to carry especially heavy loads.

Where do turkeys come from?

Despite being native to North America, the domesticated turkeys that graced the tables of the Pilgrim Fathers had travelled out with them from England.

Turkeys first reached Europe in the 1520s, brought back from their native Mexico first to Spain and then sold throughout the continent by Turkish merchants. They quickly became a favourite food for the richer cla.s.ses.

By 1585, turkey had become a Christmas tradition in England. Norfolk farmers set to work to produce a heavier-breasted, more docile version of the wild bird. The Norfolk Black and the White Holland were both English breeds reintroduced to America, and most domestic turkey now consumed in the USA derives from them.

From the late sixteenth century, English turkeys walked the 160 km (100 miles) from Norfolk to Leadenhall Market in London each year. The journey would take three months and the birds wore special leather boots to protect their feet.

A flock of 1,000 turkeys could be managed by two drovers carrying long wands of willow or hazel with red cloth tied on the ends. Traffic jams were caused by the vast flocks entering London from Norfolk and Suffolk in the weeks before Christmas.

Turkeys have nothing to do with Turkey. They were called 'Turkie c.o.c.ks' in England because of the traders who supplied them. Maize, also originally from Mexico, was once called 'turkie corn' for the same reason.

In most other countries including Turkey they were named after India, perhaps because the Spanish returned with it from the 'Indies' (as America was called).

Only the Portuguese got close to the truth, calling the turkey a peru peru. The Native American word for turkey was furkee furkee, according to the Pilgrim Fathers, although no one seems to know which Algonquin language it comes from. In Choctaw they are called fakit fakit, based on the sound the bird makes.

Even science seemed unsure what to call the turkey. The Latin name Meleagris gallopavo Meleagris gallopavo translates literally as the 'guinea-fowl chicken-peac.o.c.k', which looks like linguistic spread-betting. translates literally as the 'guinea-fowl chicken-peac.o.c.k', which looks like linguistic spread-betting.

A male turkey is called a stag, gobbler or tom. The female is always a hen. Turkeys are the largest creatures able to give birth without s.e.x: the offspring of such virgin births are male, and invariably sterile.

Most languages write the turkey's gobble as glu glu glu glu or or kruk kruk, kruk kruk. In Hebrew, however, they go mekarkerim mekarkerim.

ALAN They live in vast aircraft hangers, pecking each other to death their legs snapping under their vast, bulbous, amphetamine, antibiotic-filled bodies. They live in vast aircraft hangers, pecking each other to death their legs snapping under their vast, bulbous, amphetamine, antibiotic-filled bodies.

JO Sounds a bit like my house. Sounds a bit like my house.

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Who was born by Immaculate Conception?

Mary.

This catches out a lot of non-Catholics. The Immaculate Conception refers to birth of the Virgin Mary, not the virgin birth of Jesus.

It is commonly confused with the doctrine of the Virgin Birth, by which Mary became pregnant with Jesus through the Holy Spirit.

Under the doctrine of the Immaculate Conception, Mary was granted immunity from all suspicion of sin at the moment she was conceived.

Unfortunately, the Bible doesn't make any reference to this happening. It only became an official Catholic dogma in 1854.

Many theologians believe the doctrine to be unnecessary because Jesus redeemed everyone anyway.

The Virgin Birth is a core doctrine of the Church but that doesn't mean it is beyond controversy. It is explicitly mentioned in Luke and Matthew's Gospels but not by the earlier Gospel of St Mark, or the even earlier letters of St Paul.

St Paul, in his letter to the Romans, states clearly that Jesus 'was made of the seed of David, according to the flesh'. We also know that the earliest Jewish Christians, called Nazarenes, didn't believe in the virgin birth either.

The 'supernatural' elements of Jesus's life story became exaggerated as the new religion gradually absorbed pagan ideas to broaden its appeal.

The virgin birth wasn't a part of Jewish tradition. But Perseus and Dionysus in Greek mythology, Horus in Egyptian and Mithra, a Persian deity whose cult rivalled Christianity in popularity, were all 'born of virgins'.

Was Jesus born in a stable?

No.

Not according to the New Testament. The idea that Jesus was born in a stable is an a.s.sumption made only because St Luke's Gospel says he was 'laid in a manger'.

Nor is there any biblical authority for the presence of animals at the Nativity. Of course, we're all familiar with the scene from the crib we see in churches and schools, but it was 1,000 years before it was invented.

St Francis of a.s.sisi is credited with making the first crib, in 1223 in a cave in the hills above Greccio. He placed some hay on a flat rock (which can still be seen), put a baby on top and added carvings of an ox and an a.s.s (though no Joseph, Mary, Wise Men, Shepherds, angels or lobsters).

RICH In America, they just In America, they just ... ... they just milk it in ads, at Christmas. Everything. 'Autolite. The sparkplug Jesus would have used.' they just milk it in ads, at Christmas. Everything. 'Autolite. The sparkplug Jesus would have used.'

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How many commandments are there in the Bible?

Either thirteen, nineteen or 613.

A careful reading of the 'Ten Commandments' (as set down twice in the Bible, in Exodus 20 and Deuteronomy 5) makes it quite clear that there are actually more than ten of them. Here's a count based on the list in Exodus: 1 Thou shalt have no other G.o.ds before me.

2 Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image.

3 Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them nor serve them.

4 Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord your G.o.d in vain.