Part 20 (2/2)
”You mean. . . ?” I said. And again, stammering, ”You mean. . . ?” She was silent. I went to her and saw that she was cringing, that her hands were shaking as she clutched the loose edge of her fluffy robe.
”Why? Why are you so afraid?”
She shook her head.
”No?”
”No.”
”But you are trembling.”
”It's nothing.”
”And. . . you'll go away with me?”
She nodded twice, like a child. I embraced her, as gently as I was able. As if she were made of gla.s.s.
”Don't be afraid. . .” I said. ”Look. . .”
My own hands shook. Why had they not shaken then, when I slowly turned gray, waiting for Arder? What reserves, what innermost recesses had I reached at last, in order to learn my worth?
”Sit down,” I said. ”You are still trembling? But no, wait.”
I put her on my bed, covered her up to the neck.
”Better?”
She nodded, better. Was she mute only with me, or was this her way?
I knelt by the bed.
”Tell me something,” I whispered.
”What?”
”About yourself. Who you are. What you do. What you desire. No -- what you desired before I landed on you like a ton of bricks.”
She gave a small shrug, as if saying, ”There is nothing to tell.”
”You don't want to speak? Why, is it that . . . ?”
”It's not important,” she said. It was as if she had struck me with those words. I drew back.
”You mean. . . Eri. . . you mean. . .” I stammered. But I understood now. I understood perfectly.
I jumped up and began to pace the room.
”Not that way. I can't, that way. I can't. No, I. . .”
I gaped. Again. Because she was smiling. The smile was so faint, it was barely perceptible.
”Eri, what. . . ?”
”He is right,” she said.
”Who?”
”That man, your friend.”
”Right about what?”
It was difficult for her to say it. She looked away.
”That you are not wise.”
”How do you know he said that?”
”I heard him.”
”Our conversation? After dinner?”
She nodded. Blushed. Even her ears went pink.
”I could not help hearing. Your voices were awfully loud. I would have gone out, but. . .”
I understood. The door of her room was in the hallway. What an idiot I had been! I thought. I was stunned.
”You heard everything?”
She nodded.
”And you knew that it was about you?”
”Mhm.”
”But how? Because I never mentioned. . .”
”I knew before that.”
”How?”
She moved her head.
”I don't know. I knew. That is, at first I thought I was imagining it.”
”And when, later?”
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