Part 4 (2/2)
When I was lecturing in Kansas, some years ago, I had occasion to visit an old friend, a wealthy farmer, who had an interesting family of seven very marriageable daughters. And in conversation with me, the old gentleman expressed himself as greatly concerned about their matrimonial prospects. Knowing that I was investigating the scientific bearings of matrimony, he said to me, that if there was any light which I could throw upon the subject, which would aid him or his daughters in the selection of suitable husbands for them, he would consider himself under obligations to me for life. ”But,” said the old man, sadly, ”it's no use, marriage is a lottery anyhow. If you draw a prize, well and good; if you draw a blank, you must make the best of it. You may lecture from now until doomsday and it won't do any good. When they fall in love, they're going to marry, and they won't listen to reason.”
”Well, my friend,” I replied, ”I should regret to have to entertain or express the opinion of your daughters that you have just uttered. If I did so, I should consider you entirely justifiable in ejecting me from your premises. It is an insult to the intelligence of your daughters to a.s.sert that they would not display sense and reason in the selection of a husband, as in anything else, _if they had any knowledge upon which to act_. Let me ask you a few questions which will prove my position. I want to buy a valuable horse, could your daughters aid me in the selection of the animal?”
”Oh, yes,” exclaimed my old friend, with evident pride, ”my daughters know all about horses, sir. They have broken the most unruly colts that were ever raised on this farm. They can tell whether a horse is most suitable for draft, speed or breeding purposes, as soon as they look at him. They can tell how much it will take to feed him, and how far he can travel in a day without injury. My daughters are accomplished horsewomen, sir.”
”Good,” I answered, ”valuable knowledge, sir, for young ladies to possess, especially if they expect to become farmer's wives. I also want to buy a valuable farm, could your daughters aid me in the selection of the property?”
”Certainly, sir,” said the old gentleman, warming up with the subject, ”my daughters have been instructed in all that pertains to scientific agriculture. They can not only select a good farm, from practical experience, but they have had scientific, theoretical training as well, under competent teachers. They can a.n.a.lyze the soil and tell you its chemical const.i.tuents, and they know what kind of soil is suitable for every crop you can name.”
”Capital, sir; I rejoice to know that your daughters are so well informed, and have had such excellent instruction and advantages. I now wish to select a good man, can your daughters aid me now?”
”Ah!” said my old friend, sadly, ”I see, sir, that you have us all at a disadvantage on that question. My daughters have been neglected in that branch of education, and with my sixty years of experience, I must also admit that I am incompetent to aid either you or my daughters in the selection of a _man_.”
Here is the solution of the whole question. While the human race is interested in everything pertaining to literature, the arts, manufacture, commerce, religion, and science, the welfare of the race itself has been sadly overlooked. And the admission of my old farmer friend can well be made by all of you. And what I said to him in concluding our conversation, I now say to you. You have spent many hours in instructing your children in all that was desirable in literature, art, science, commerce, and religion. You have surrounded them with educational advantages; but you have neglected to instruct them on this vital topic of matrimony. You have treated it lightly or with indifference. You have left them in ignorance of the great social and physiological facts which surround it; and then you wonder when they marry upon blind impulse, and you call it lottery. Of course, they can't display judgment when they have no facts to exercise judgment upon. And you feel offended when your child marries contrary to your advice, when you have been exposing your ignorance to that child ever since it was able to comprehend anything. You set yourself up as an authority on this question, when your youngest baby is fully alive to the fact that you are a total ignoramus in regard to it.
For my part, I admire the spirit of the young man or woman who, realizing the discouraging failure of the old folks, starts out on a new line in obedience to one of nature's impulses, independent alike of paternal wrath or criticism. If such a one will consult the dictates of science in shaping and directing the impulse, the marriage will be much more likely to be happy, than those formed in deference to parental wishes, which, in a majority of cases, we regret to say, are dictated by merely prudential if not sordid reasons.
Before we discuss the main issue of our subject to-night, it may be interesting and instructive to ask: Why do people marry, anyhow? Did you ever think about that? There are a number of reasons, and we will discuss some of them.
A great many people marry because it is fas.h.i.+onable. They never stop to reason about it; they simply observe that nearly everybody else marries, and consequently they jump to the conclusion that it is the proper thing to do. Like most devotees of fas.h.i.+on in other things, they find it a very unprofitable investment.
A great many men marry, because they want a servant. That's unprofitable also. Young man, you can hire your was.h.i.+ng and ironing done by a Chinaman, and live in a first-cla.s.s boarding house with much less expense. It don't pay.
Some women marry because they want a home, and they find--a penitentiary. I visited a state prison a few days ago, and I found inside the walls a lot of convicts that were having a much better time than some married people of my acquaintance.
A large number of men and women marry for money. That don't pay either in the long run. Young man, don't marry a hundred thousand dollars with a girl attached, because some of these days you'll find that the money has taken wings and flown away, and you'll have a girl on your hands, and you won't know what to do with her. Right here, I want to say to my friends who are disposed to look upon money as the most valuable of all things, that if you marry according to my instructions you will marry the conditions which produce money. To marry for money, or to marry a person who possesses a fortune for no other reason, is a monstrous wrong, sure to be punished.
Some refined people marry for beauty. The motive is correct as far as it goes, but in practice we find few people competent to judge of beauty, or to use it correctly. The result is, that most people make the mistake of marrying a fragment of beauty only, or they marry beauty which is not of the kind or quality available in their cases. A man falls in love with a pretty hand, a shapely figure, a handsome mouth, or a pair of beautiful eyes, and he finds upon the more intimate acquaintance of marriage that the _tout ensemble_ is far from being what he desired in a wife.
A young lady becomes enamoured of a magnificent specimen of physical manhood, but she finds to her sorrow that, notwithstanding his beauty, his whole character, in fact, is totally inharmonious with her own.
Some young ladies marry in a hurry, because they imagine that good husbands are going to be scarce in the future, and they live to wonder what a supply the market affords in later years. Young ladies, take my advice and be deliberate. There are going to be hundreds of good men after you are all grandmothers.
The real reason why people marry, is because it is natural to do so. It is in accordance with a law of nature. To understand this fully we must study natural history for a few moments. As we observe the various orders of plants and animals, we find that in the lower forms of life, in vegetable or animal, the male and female principles are embodied in one individual; and that individual, being entirely capable of reproducing the species to which he belongs, stands as a perfect representative of that kind or species. We observe, however, that in the higher orders of plants and animals, the male and female principles are separated--are embodied in two separate individuals, and it requires the union of two of these individuals of different s.e.x to reproduce the species, and it takes the two individuals, the male and female, to furnish us with a complete representation of that species.
Man is created in two parts, male and female, man and woman, and it requires the union of these two to reproduce the race, and to furnish us with the perfect specimen of the unit of humanity. The man or woman, considered separately, do not furnish us this complete ideal of humanity, but on the contrary each is incomplete without the other.
The conclusion which I wish you to draw from this argument is: that the old bachelor is only half of a man, which is a correct way of expressing his status in society. Why, my dear sir, you might as well expect to pull across the Atlantic Ocean in a water-logged skiff, with only one oar, and make a successful voyage of it, as to pull across the ocean of life without the help of a good woman. And I have my suspicions of the morals, as well as my contempt for the taste of a man, who can wander through this country and see as many bright eyes, ruby lips, rosy cheeks, and shapely figures, as one may encounter any day in the week, and who does not marry.
Marriage then may be regarded as the natural condition of every mature man and woman. And, because it is natural to marry, there is all the more reason why it should be carefully studied, and why the human race should learn to form marriages in accordance with Natural Law.
When we study Matrimony in the light of Science, we find that it is surrounded and governed by Natural Laws, as inevitable in their consequences as the law of gravitation, and that the marriage relation is happy or unhappy as these laws have been obeyed or broken.
To const.i.tute a perfect marriage, three great objects must be attained.
The absence of any one of these from the marriage will cause its ignominious failure. There must be
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