Part 9 (1/2)
”Damon,” Gunther said, ”if that were true, I wouldn't keep trying to be with you.”
”I don't doubt that you loved me. That maybe you still do. But ultimately, the fact that I have a p.e.n.i.s will chase you away again. It always does. I can't do that anymore.”
Gunther took a step closer and spread his hands in a plea. ”What if I promised I was okay with it? What if I swore I'd stay with you, no matter what?”
”You can't do that,” Slake said. He'd been through this before, and it always ended in disaster. ”You know you can't.”
”For the sake of argument. Say it could happen. Would you take me back?”
That was something Slake had thought of more than once. And long ago, the answer would have been yes. But too much time had pa.s.sed. Too much had happened. And after seeing how Raze was so dependent on Fayle and yet so miserable . . . Slake could never tie himself down to someone who couldn't commit a hundred percent.
He wanted a relations.h.i.+p. He wanted love. And yes, Gun had loved him, but not enough to truly get past the fact that Slake was one hundred percent male with no remnants of his past. Well, except the fact that he was still attracted to males, just as he'd been before the transformation.
”I'll never take you back, Gun. Get that through your thick skull. I've moved on.”
Instantly, Gunther went taut and looked around, as if he expected the person Slake moved on with to come slinking out of the bedroom. ”You've found someone else, haven't you?”
”You lost the right to ask that question when you banged a female werewolf in our bed.” Weird how he wasn't angry about that anymore. He'd held on to that particular grudge for the last ten years, but now that Gunther was here, begging to come back into his life, it no longer mattered.
Gunther's upper lip curled, his fangs gleaming wetly against blood-red lips. ”Does he know? Does he know the truth about you?”
”f.u.c.k off.”
”So that's a no.” Gunther shoved past Slake and threw open the front door. ”Good luck with that, then. This saint of yours might be less understanding of your choice than I was.”
Slake watched Gunther go, a sick feeling settling in his gut. What if he was right?
His phone buzzed again, and with a harsh curse, he looked down. Abruptly, his heart skidded to a stop so hard his chest hurt.
The message, from Dyre, flashed on the screen like a lightning bolt, shocking Slake through the device. He yelped and dropped it, but the words, two hours early, were seared into his mind.
Time's up. Your soul is now mine.
Raze wasn't looking forward to walking into an empty apartment. He'd lived with Fayle for over thirty years, and it was going to be weird to be there without her.
It would be good to be there without her. He still couldn't believe she'd attached herself to him through a bond he hadn't known about. The violation sat in his gut like an oil spill, making him feel . . . dirty.
Had Raze meant nothing to her? They'd never had a romantic relations.h.i.+p, but he'd thought their friends.h.i.+p had been based on respect and mutual need. Apparently, he'd been wrong about the respect part.
And now, after so many years of relying on her for survival, he was going to have to do what every normal, unmated Seminus demon had to do and dedicate a large portion of his time to finding females to fulfill his needs.
He dreaded the idea. He was so tired of being forced into survival mode. Slake had made him feel alive for the first time since he'd gone through his transition so many years ago, and if Raze could truly be with the guy . . .
He shook his head as he climbed the stairs to his apartment, trying to clear it of thoughts he shouldn't be having. Of hopes he shouldn't be having. What if finding s.e.xual release with Slake had been an anomaly that couldn't be repeated? What if Slake didn't want Raze?
Nope, he wasn't going to get his hopes up.
He reached his apartment, but as he dug in his pocket for the keys Slake had included with the clothes he'd brought to the hospital, he went on high alert. There was sound coming from inside.
And the door was unlocked.
Stepping to the side and putting his back against the wall, he pushed the door open slowly, and noise from the TV grew louder. His first thought was that Fayle had returned, but almost instantly, he did a turnaround on that. She would rather pluck out her own eyes than watch The Bachelor.
a.s.suming that no burglar would break in to watch a mind-numbing TV show, he stepped inside . . . and sucked in a startled breath. G.o.ds, he'd forgotten how d.a.m.ned gorgeous Slake was, the way his dark hair framed his deeply tanned face and curled around ears Raze had traced with his tongue.
His hands got clammy and his heart started doing a crazy flip, and he wondered if this was what a crush felt like. Was this rush of excitement and anxiety normal when the person you most wanted to see in the world was right in front of you?
He stared for a moment, taking in the magnificent sight of Slake as he sat on the couch, his leather-clad legs sprawled out in front of him as if he didn't have a care in the world. But the dark shadows around his eyes and the grim set of his mouth told another story, and Raze's excitement turned to concern.
Slake's leather jacket creaked against the couch as he hit a b.u.t.ton on the remote, muting some girl who was wailing about being cheated out of some highly desirable activity with the bachelor.
”I'm glad you're okay,” Slake said quietly. That voice. Raze had missed that deep, confident rumble.
He shut the door behind him. ”Thanks to you.” An awkward silence stretched, until he finally added, ”We need to talk.”
”I know.” Slake scrubbed his hand over his face. He looked exhausted. Pale. As if he was in pain. ”What happened the other night? What happened to you?”
Raze's stomach churned at the memory of what he'd done. ”I'm sorry, Slake. You didn't deserve-”
”Not that,” Slake said, sounding like a military drill instructor. Raze might have taken exception to being spoken to like that if he hadn't found it so . . . s.e.xy. ”Don't apologize again for what happened between us. I'd do it again in a heartbeat.” His tone softened now, but it was no less s.e.xy. ”I'm talking about afterward. Why did you lose consciousness? Was it because of me? Because you aren't supposed to be with males?”
Raze stared. Slake thought what happened was his fault? ”No. I mean, Eidolon has a theory about that, but being with you shouldn't have caused me to go into a coma.”
Slake glanced away but looked back up so fast Raze thought he might have imagined it. ”What's the theory?”
Raze kicked off his boots and padded into the living room, but he didn't sit. He'd been in bed for three f.u.c.king days, and his body felt tight and wired, like he could run a triathlon and still have enough energy leftover to scale a mountain.
”Eidolon said that every member of your species is born female. Is that true?”
Slake went as rigid as the support beams in the apartment. He averted his gaze to stare at the TV as if hoping for advice from the current bachelor.
”Slake?”
Slake remained in his statue-like state, gazing at the TV with a faint hopelessness in his eyes that punched Raze in the heart. ”Do you know my name?”
”Ah . . . I thought it was Slake.”
”That's my last name. The one all my people use when they deal with outsiders. My first name is Damon.” He inhaled. Exhaled. ”It used to be Damonia.”
Raze didn't realize he'd been holding his breath until his lungs started to burn. He let it out slowly, sensing this was a big deal to Slake. ”Okay.”
Slake cut him a look, as if he expected more of a reaction. Or a worse one. Criminy, what kind of people did he usually hang around with?
”Eidolon is right. Mostly,” Slake said, almost tentatively. ”Every once in a while, a Duosos is born male. He is celebrated and revered, believed to be kissed by the G.o.ds, and he's inducted into the ruling royal cla.s.s. All of our leaders are males who were born that way.”
”I'm guessing you . . . weren't born male?”
There was a long silence, but Raze wasn't going to push. He'd dealt with a lot of trauma during the years he'd worked at the hospital, and he knew it was always best to coax. It was safer to lure a h.e.l.lhound into a trap than it was to push one in, as the saying went.
Finally, Slake said, ”No. But it's complicated. Females are . . .”