Part 26 (1/2)
”Two things. First, I knew that you had to appear very soon, if you were going to, so any arrival was suspect. Second, you used a term only a member of the Adult Conspiracy can use. You said the word 'h.e.l.l.' ”
”But this is h.e.l.l,” Jot protested.
”Its waiting room, anyway,” t.i.ttle added.
”That doesn't matter. Only an adult can use the term. Therefore it was obvious that you were not a child, or children. Not of our culture, anyway, and since you are speaking the human language, you must be pretending to be human.”
”I shall be more careful, next time,” Jot said.
”Well, out with it,” t.i.ttle added. ”What do you want?”
”I want to free my wife from h.e.l.l,” Humfrey said. ”The woman I love. She does not belong there and must be released.”
”You have a wife who is not in h.e.l.l,” Jot pointed out.
”And you can only have one wife,” t.i.ttle reminded him.
”I shall have to choose between them,” Humfrey said. ”If Prince Dolph was able to choose between his two loves, I can do the same. But first things first: release my wife.”
”I have to listen to your plea,” Jot stated.
”But I don't have to do your bidding,” t.i.ttle finished.
”But you do have to deal with me,” Humfrey said. ”You have to satisfy me that you have given my plea fair consideration.”
”Why do I have to do that?” Jot asked.
”Yes, who says I have to?” t.i.ttle added.
”You said it,” Humfrey said. ”You laid down the rules of your game, and this is a footnote to those rules.”
Jot sighed. ”I said too much.”
”You've done your homework,” t.i.ttle said.
”Well, I am the Magician of Information, and I have had some intercourse with demons. I have a notion of their nature.”
”You can't say a word like that to a child!” Jot cried.
”You have violated the Adult Conspiracy!” t.i.ttle added.
Lacuna kept her mouth shut, but found that she was rather enjoying this dialogue. She knew that the business at hand was deadly serious, but the children were little darlings, even if they weren't what they seemed.
”There are no children here,” Humfrey reminded them. ”Only facsimiles. Anyway, that demoness was my wife.”
The twins considered. ”I will make you a deal,” Jot said.
”Yes, a fair deal,” t.i.ttle said.
”But if it is not fair, I don't have to make it,” Humfrey said sternly.
”I will complete your Question Quest,” Jot said.
”I will ask you the one Question you can't answer,” t.i.ttle added.
”There is no honest Question I can't answer.”
”If you answer it correctly, you will win,” Jot said.
”And if you don't, you will lose,” t.i.ttle said.
”But it must be a fair Question,” Humfrey said.
”It's an easy Question,” Jot said.
”Anybody could answer it,” t.i.ttle agreed.
Lacuna knew that it would be nothing of the sort; Humfrey had explained that at the beginning. How did he plan to handle it?
”Let me be the judge of that,” Humfrey said. ”Tell me what the Question will be, should I choose to answer it.”
Lacuna knew that trick wouldn't work. The Demon would require him to agree to answer it before he gave the actual Question. But she was surprised.
Jot said, ”It will be this-”
”What is the color of Mela Merwoman's panties?” t.i.ttle asked.
”Objection,” Humfrey said. ”If you ask me that one, I will be unable to answer it because she doesn't wear any panties. So that is a Question with no Answer, and therefore unfair.”
”But she will wear panties,” Jot argued.
”When she makes legs to walk on Xanth,” t.i.ttle continued.
”Why would she ever walk on land?” Humfrey demanded. ”She prefers to swim in water.”
”In search of a husband,” Jot said.
”In the next volume of the History of Xanth,” t.i.ttle finished.
Humfrey nodded, as if persuaded. ”So you will ask me to name the color, when she does don them.”
”Yes,” Jot said.
”When,” t.i.ttle agreed.
”And the correctness of my Answer will determine whether my wife is released from h.e.l.l.”
”Right.”
”True.”