Part 18 (1/2)
Somewhat daunted, Crombie nevertheless stood his ground. He was a fighter, even at the age of three. It wasn't as if he had never seen magic before.
The smoke coalesced into the figure of a woman. ”Who the abyss are you?” she demanded.
”Who the what?” Crombie asked, confused.
”Shed, Hades, inferno, blazes, hot underworld-” She broke off, examining him more closely. ”Wait an instant! You're underage! I can't use that word around you.”
”What word?”
”The word I can't remember. What's a little tyke like you doing out here alone? Where's your mother?”
”She's too busy for me. So I'm finding a better mother, and you're it.”
The demoness considered. ”Who is your busy mother?”
”Sofia. She's Mundane.”
The demoness considered again. It had been a long tune since she had considered anything twice. In fact it hadn't happened since she tried to seduce me. For this was indeed that demoness, who was somehow always near when there was mischief about to break loose. Perhaps demons do have talents, and this was hers.
”And who is your father?”
”The Magician Humfrey.”
”Now this is abruptly interesting. You are Humfrey's son?” She evidently wanted to be quite sure.
”Yes. Only he's busy too.”
”Indeed. I remember when he was too busy for me. And what is your name?”
”I'm Crombie.”
”And I'm Metria. What makes you think I'm a better mother for you?”
”I pointed to you.”
”You bit me, too, right on the-never mind.” She rubbed the farthest out spot on her bosom. ”This is your magic?”
”Yes. I Find things. So I Found a better mother.”
The demoness nodded. ”That is an interesting way to put it. That certainly is a nice talent. You recognized me despite my deceptive configuration.”
”Your what?”
”The way I looked. You weren't fooled.”
”Nothing fools my talent,” he said proudly.
”Why are your folks too busy for you?”
”There's an older boy there now. They like him better.”
Metria considered. ”You know, I used to know your father, but he treated me as shabbily as he is treating you. I even showed him my panties.”
Crombie was young and innocent, but not that innocent. ”You were his wife?”
”Not exactly. That was the Demoness Dana, who sensibly departed after having her way with him. I wanted to summon the stork with him too, but he didn't cooperate. He was just too dam-uh, darned busy for me.” She frowned, aggravated in retrospect.
”Yes,” Crombie said, understanding perfectly.
”Well, your talent must be right. Tell, me, what is your idea of the perfect mother?”
”She'll pay all her attention to me and n.o.body else,” he replied, for he had done some thinking on this subject. ”She'll give me candy, and never make me take a bath, and never make me sleep alone. And she won't like any other children, not even a little bit.”
Metria nodded. ”I can do that.”
”Sure. My talent Found you.”
”It certainly did. Well, Crombie, this should be most entertaining.”
”What?”
”Let's find some candy.”
It was obvious they were going to get along.
Metria picked Crombie up and carried him swiftly through the air to the bank of the With-a-Cookee River, where cookies of all types grew in abundance. Crombie was delighted. He picked cookies galore and stuffed them into his mouth. Then she took him to Lake Tsoda Popka, and he sampled the fizz. He didn't like the first taste, but she showed him how to put some in a bottle she found, and shake it until it squirted all over everything, and then it was tame enough to drink.
But after a bit she became more serious. ”Crombie, this stuff is very good, but if you eat too much right away it can give you a tummy ache. You have to get used to it. I would not be a perfect mother if I did not warn you of this. So I will take you home now, but tomorrow you can come out again, and you will be able to eat more without getting sick. Eventually you will be able to stuff yourself with impunity, and that is the ideal state.”
”But I don't want to go home!”
She frowned. ”I understand your position. But if you don't return, they will know how you sneaked out, and then there will be censored to pay.”
”What to pay?”
”Worse than seeing panties.”
That set him back. ”I don't want to be censored!”
”Just what is so bad about spending the night home?”
”I'm stuck in this dark room all to myself, while they do fun things somewhere else. There are spooks just waiting to grab me if I even peek out from under the covers. And I have to have castor oil, because it is Good For Me.”
Metria made a face. ”You're right. That's a fate worse than whatever. But I have an idea. I can't go in that castle, because your father has spirit levels out that flatten any spirit. But maybe if I make myself very small, you can sneak me in. Then I will keep you company and help you avoid the bad things.”
”Great!”