Part 2 (1/2)

”This is the basket,” Ivy said. ”It's one of the magic devices we found in Humfrey's collection. He evidently used it and sent it back. You will ride in it to h.e.l.l.”

”But I can't fit in that little thing!” Lacuna protested.

Grey smiled. ”Your body will rest in a coffin, just as Humfrey's does. Only your soul goes to h.e.l.l. Don't worry, your body will be quite safe here, until you return to it.”

Ivy walked to a low solid bench. She lifted its top- and it came up, manifesting as the lid to a plushly lined coffin. ”Lie down in here,” Ivy said.

Lacuna was beginning to have, if not exactly second thoughts, first-and-a-half thoughts. Sleep in a coffin? But if it was the way to go, then she had to do it.

She got into the coffin and lay on her back. Somehow this action made her feel even older and duller than she hoped she was. Grey put his finger behind the hanging tiny basket and pushed it toward her. ”Get into this.”

Lacuna wanted to protest, but found herself floating up toward the basket, which was rapidly expanding. She caught its edge with her hands and climbed in. It was now quite ample in size; she could stand upright within it and peer over the edge and down.

She saw her huge body lying there in the coffin. It looked every bit as blah as she had feared.

She turned to face the other way. As she did so, the basket began to move. It was swinging along at the end of its rope, which was firmly knotted to the stout handle. The room, indeed the entire Good Magician's castle, seemed to have disappeared. She was on her way.

The basket tilted and moved down. Lacuna clutched the edge with both hands. She was pa.s.sing through a region of shadows and clouds. Behind the clouds were vague flashes, as of lightning, making the outlines show momentarily. Some of the clouds resembled monstrous ugly faces, as if c.u.mulo Fracto Nimbus, the meanest of clouds, had posed for his portrait.

One of the clouds opened its big mouth, and the basket swung right into it. The scenery changed; now there were things floating, ranging from tiny acorns to huge acorn trees. This was evidently the dream realm, normally accessed through the peephole of a gourd. It seemed there were other ways to visit it. To h.e.l.l in a handbasket! Who would have expected it! At least it was interesting.

But some of the scenes through which she was pa.s.sing were more than interesting. They were grotesque. There were human forms in various states of distress, and animals who seemed lost, and a.s.sorted objects that looked broken. The stuff of troubled dreams, spare props, perhaps hanging here in limbo, waiting to be fas.h.i.+oned into truly unpleasant episodes for those sleepers who deserved them. Lacuna had seldom suffered from bad dreams; that was part of the boredom of her being. How could a person rate bad dreams if a person never did anything of doubtful validity?

Then a vague face formed, neither interesting nor dull of itself. From its mouth poured numbers in scattered order. These numbers grew larger as they moved, becoming individual pictures. They were odd indeed! One was of a man walking along with two left feet, making him pretty awkward. Another was a blue or purple horse; actually she couldn't quite tell what color it was, because it seemed to keep changing, never being fixed. A third was of a man whose head was a pile of animal manure.

Suddenly Lacuna caught on. ”Figures of speech!” she exclaimed. ”In the realm of dreams they are literal! A man with two left feet, a horse of another color, a dunghead!” These folk were worse off than she was, which made her feel both better and guilty. How awful it must be to be literal.

Then, abruptly, the basket swung into a small chamber. It b.u.mped against the floor, almost overturning, and she had to scramble out. She had arrived.

As she caught her balance, she saw the basket swinging up and away. ”Oh!” she cried, grabbing for it, but she was too late. She had lost her transport back.

But Grey and Ivy knew where she was. Surely they would send the handbasket back when they realized that it was empty. She had to believe that!

She looked around-and there sat old Good Magician Humfrey in a hard wooden chair! She recognized him instantly; there was no mistaking the gnomelike features and great age of the little man. He seemed to be snoozing.

That was all. The rest of the chamber was bare, except for another chair.

She sat in that chair. There did not seem to be much else to do. She smoothed out her dingy dress, noting that she wore the same clothing as usual despite being in spirit form now. That was just as well; she would not have liked to go naked to this infernal region, though probably it was not the best place to keep secrets. This surely was not h.e.l.l itself, because there was no fire. It must be h.e.l.l's waiting room.

But why was Humfrey still waiting here? In fact, what was he doing here anyway? Where was his family? It had been ten years since the man had disappeared from his castle along with his wife and son, leaving Xanth in the lurch. Chex Centaur had discovered his absence, with her companions Esk Ogre and Volney Vole; the challenges seemed to have been in the process of being set up for the three, when the occupants of the castle had suddenly departed. It was the great current mystery of Xanth: what had happened?

Well, perhaps that wasn't her business, though she was as curious as the next person. She had just one Question which was her business with the Magician. She would just have to stifle her interest in the rest of his life.

She did not want to wake him from his snooze. But she wasn't sure how long she could safely remain here. If this was h.e.l.l's waiting room, at any time a door could open and a demon could appear, saying ”Next!” in that bone-chilling tone. Then either Humfrey would be taken, or she herself would. Either way, her chance for her Answer would be gone.

”Ahem,” she said politely.

One of Humfrey's eyelids flickered. Then both did. His eyes popped open, fixing on her. ”Lacuna! What are you doing here?”

”You recognize me?” she asked, startled.

”Of course I recognize you! You baby-sat me when I had been youthened by overdosing on the water from the Fountain of Youth. You were a rather sweet sixteen at the time, quite unlike your present blah state.”

She had forgotten how sharp he was on information. Of course, he was the Magician of Information. Even in his youthened state he had been very quick to learn things. So after most of eighteen years without seeing her, he had identified her present nature with dismaying facility.

”I came to ask you a Question,” she said.

”I'm not answering Questions now. Go to the castle. Murphy's boy is supposed to be minding it.”

”He is. He sent me here. He said that only you could give me my Answer.''

”Why? Doesn't he have the Book of Answers there?”

”Yes, but he can't decipher the technical parts, and my Answer is there.”

He nodded. ”It does take most of a century to master the programming language. I happen to know. I did it faster because I had special training. But he'll get there in due course.”

”I can't wait a century!” she protested. ”I've already gone from sweet sixteen to blah thirty-four. I'll sink into dismal anonymity before another decade is out.”

He glanced at her appraisingly. ”More like six years.”

”Six years?”

”A person is only allowed three great mistakes. Your first was in not marrying that young man. Your second was in turning thirty. Your third will be in turning forty, and that will finish you as a potentially worthwhile female human being.”

He certainly understood her situation! ”Magician Grey Murphy told me of the first mistake. If I can change that, I'll be left with only two strikes against me, and my life may become worthwhile. The rules aren't the same for married women. That's why I came to you.”

Humfrey considered. ”I suppose I might as well do something while I'm waiting here. Suppose I give you the coding so that you can show Grey Murphy how to get your Answer from the Book?”

”That would be fine!” she said.

”And what service will you do me in return?”

”What do you need?”

”I need to have the Demon X(A/N)th take notice of me!” he said. ”I've been cooling my heels in this waiting room for ten years, waiting for him to ask me what I want.”

”You mean you're not going to h.e.l.l?”

”Not exactly. I'm here to take someone from h.e.l.l. Then I can return with her to Xanth.”

”With her? Who is she?”

”My wife.”

”The Gorgon is in h.e.l.l?”

”No. She's waiting for me to get my business done here. It's Rose I'm after.”

”Rose is your wife? But what about the Gorgon?”