Part 19 (1/2)
”Hey, Luce, what's wrong? You were so quiet in the car.”
She shook her head and smiled. ”I was upset with you. Now, it doesn't seem important.”
”It is important, because it mattered to you. What did I do?”
”It's nothing-I just-I'm not going to be in the FBI. You made it hard for me to explain that, so now I feel like I am lying to Agent Madeaux. After all your praise about my test scores and my master's, I couldn't very well say, 'Oh, but I wasn't accepted after all.' ”
”Noah didn't tell her-”
”Noah doesn't know. No one does, except you.”
Sean cleared his throat. ”I, uh, meant to tell you earlier, but then there wasn't a good time, and I convinced myself that I'd wait until he had answers.”
”You told Noah?”
”No. I talked to Hans Vigo.”
Lucy sat heavily on the edge of the bed, feeling hollow again, not wanting to believe Sean had discussed the matter with Hans. ”Why?”
He sat next to her and made her look at him. ”Because something's not right about your application denial, and Hans is the best person to find out what happened.”
”I wish you hadn't done that. I don't want anybody's help. If I can't get in on my own, I don't want to be an agent.”
”Hans is not going to get you in, but you will want to appeal this decision.”
”Don't tell me what I want!”
”Lucy, you need to know what this is all about.”
”No,” she said quietly. ”I don't want to know.”
”Why the h.e.l.l not?”
”Because it changes nothing. And it will simply confirm what I already do know: that my past will never go away. I don't want to be told that I'm damaged or emotionally unstable.”
”You are neither, Lucy,” Sean said emphatically. ”Don't even say it.”
”It doesn't matter if I am or not. That's how people see me.”
”No they don't. Hans said-” He stopped.
Lucy looked him in the eye, trying to keep her face calm, but her heart was pounding. She didn't like people manipulating her, even if they did it for all the right reasons.
Sean simply said, ”You may be considered too controversial.”
Lucy started laughing. ”Controversial?”
”Am I missing something?”
She smiled and put a hand to her mouth to hold back another laugh. ”I guess I had never considered that. I've been sure since I got the letter that they thought I was damaged goods.”
”No one sees you as a victim, Lucy.”
She continued. ”Or that I killed my rapist and showed no remorse.”
Sean frowned. ”I don't understand.”
But she didn't elaborate. ”Or maybe they thought I was flighty because I had three vastly different interns.h.i.+ps over three years, but no real job. For about five minutes I cast blame on Kate, because if anyone was controversial in the FBI during the last decade, it was my sister-in-law.
”But Sean, why doesn't matter. I can find a hundred reasons to justify the panel's decision. It's still binding.”
”You should appeal.”
”I didn't think you really wanted me to be an FBI agent.”
Sean wanted to explain himself, but didn't know how he could without sounding sappy or stupid. ”You're right that I'm not a big fan of the FBI, but there are a few good agents out there. I'd much rather you come work for me, because you're good.”
Lucy shook her head. ”Sean, I'm not working for you and Patrick.”
”Your name's already on the door,” he said, hopeful.
She smiled and continued to shake her head.
”I thought it was a long shot. But seriously, you should appeal because you want it. You shouldn't have to settle for anything less than your dream.”
Lucy threw her arms around Sean in a rare initiation of physical affection. It startled him, and they fell backward onto the bed. She kissed him. ”You win.”
He wrapped his arms around her waist. ”I like my prize.”
”I'll think more about appealing. But if Hans calls you back, I want to talk to him. I understand why you called him. You have an overwhelming need to fix things.”
”I can't stand unfairness.”
”Life isn't fair.”
”That's why when I can do something, I do it. I never intended to go behind your back, but I'd never seen you so defeated. It broke my heart.”
Lucy put her hand on Sean's chest, her touch making his pulse quicken. He loved this woman so much, but she would bolt if he told her. He knew she loved him, too; she just hadn't admitted it to him, or to herself.
One day at a time, Sean.
Lucy would give her all to save the innocent. But in her quest for justice, would she keep anything for herself?
Maybe that's where he came in. When she had nothing left, she could fill up on him. Sean wanted so desperately for Lucy to see that she needed him, not because he was a big, strong male and she was a weak female who needed a man-far from it. She needed him because he could be her anchor; he needed her because she gave him purpose and meaning he'd never had before.
He held her face in his hands. ”You give to everyone, and you need to take sometimes. Take from me. Anything you need, anything you want, is yours.”
She kissed him. It wasn't the tentative kiss he'd learned to expect from her. He didn't need to coax out her hidden pa.s.sions; this kiss was bold and seductive. A full-body kiss, her chest pressed against his, one of her legs between his, her hands on his head, his face, her touch setting him on fire.
She planted her knees on the bed and sat up, pulling off her sweater, revealing her round b.r.e.a.s.t.s barely contained in a s.e.xy, black lace demi-cup bra.