Part 47 (1/2)

MADELINE: She-wants me to go with her. This is Professor Holden, father.

HOLDEN: How do you do, Mr Morton?

IRA: (nods, not noticing HOLDEN's offered hand) How'do. When is she coming back?

MADELINE: Soon.

IRA: And then you're going with her?

MADELINE: I-don't know.

IRA: I say you go with her. You want them all to come down on us? (to HOLDEN) What are you here for?

MADELINE: Aunt Isabel brought Professor Holden, father.

IRA: Oh. Then you-you tell her what to do. You make her do it. (he goes into the room at left)

MADELINE: (sadly, after a silence) Father's like something touched by an early frost.

HOLDEN: Yes. (seeing his opening and forcing himself to take it) But do you know, Madeline, there are other ways of that happening-'touched by an early frost'. I've seen it happen to people I know-people of fine and daring mind. They do a thing that puts them apart-it may be the big, brave thing-but the apartness does something to them. I've seen it many times-so many times-so many times, I fear for you. You do this thing and you'll find yourself with people who in many ways you don't care for at all; find yourself apart from people who in most ways are your own people. You're many-sided, Madeline. (moves her tennis racket) I don't know about it's all going to one side. I hate to see you, so young, close a door on so much life. I'm being just as honest with you as I know how. I myself am making compromises to stay within. I don't like it, but there are-reasons for doing it. I can't see you leave that main body without telling you all it is you are leaving. It's not a clean-cut case-the side of the world or the side of the angels. I hate to see you lose the-fullness of life.

MADELINE: (a slight start, as she realizes the pause. As one recalled from far) I'm sorry. I was listening to what you were saying-but all the time-something else was happening. Grandfather Morton, big and-oh, terrible. He was here. And we went to that walled-up hole in the ground-(rising and pointing down at the chalked cell)-where they keep Fred Jordan on bread and water because he couldn't be a part of nations of men killing each other-and Silas Morton-only he was all that is back of us, tore open that cell-it was his voice tore it open-his voice as he cried, 'G.o.d d.a.m.n you, this is America!' (sitting down, as if rallying from a tremendous experience) I'm sorry-it should have happened, while you were speaking. Won't you-go on?

HOLDEN: That's a pretty hard thing to go on against. (after a moment) I can't go on.

MADELINE: You were thinking of leaving the college, and then-decided to stay? (he nods) And you feel there's more-fullness of life for you inside the college than outside?

HOLDEN: No-not exactly. (again a pause) It's very hard for me to talk to you.

MADELINE: (gently) Perhaps we needn't do it.

HOLDEN: (something in him forcing him to say it) I'm staying for financial reasons.

MADELINE: (kind, but not going to let the truth get away) You don't think that-having to stay within-or deciding to, rather, makes you think these things of the-blight of being without?

HOLDEN: I think there is danger to you in-so young, becoming alien to society.

MADELINE: As great as the danger of staying within-and becoming like the thing I'm within?

HOLDEN: You wouldn't become like it.

MADELINE: Why wouldn't I? That's what it does to the rest of you. I don't see it-this fullness of life business. I don't see that Uncle Felix has got it-or even Aunt Isabel, and you-I think that in buying it you're losing it.

HOLDEN: I don't think you know what a cruel thing you are saying.

MADELINE: There must be something pretty rotten about Morton College if you have to sell your soul to stay in it!

HOLDEN: You don't 'sell your soul'. You persuade yourself to wait.

MADELINE: (unable to look at him, as if feeling shame) You have had a talk with Uncle Felix since that day in the library you stepped aside for me to pa.s.s.