Chapter 29 (2/2)

“Oh,” Fang Zhaomu’s eyes chilled a little. He seemed to have understood something. “I can make a guess. He said I stole his spot?”

“I didn’t steal it. Our GPA are the same, and I scored better for my major, that’s why I was selected. He didn’t tell you that, right?”

Song Yuanxun’s silence confirmed Fang Zhaomu’s statement. “As for the perfume… You already know about that. Anything else?”

“At that time, I felt that you were…” Song Yuanxun found that word a little hard to say, and did not continue.

Fang Zhaomu said it for him. “You felt that I was girly?”

The porridge was done, but no one felt like eating. Fang Zhaomu switched the stove off and turned to look at Song Yuanxun. He pressed, “Am I right?”

About two minutes later, Song Yuanxun admitted. “Yes.”

“Then what about pretending to be an engineer?” Fang Zhaomu helped him take the lead.

Song Yuanxun slowly said, “Out of curiosity.”

“What were you curious about?” Fang Zhaomu paused. He asked directly, “Curious about how gays have sex?”

“No,” Song Yuanxun denied it a little wretchedly. “I knew it was you right from the start.”

Fang Zhaomu fell silent, and called out to him again after a moment. “Song Yuanxun.”

“Do you really like me?” Fang Zhaomu asked. “Or do you just want to sleep with me?”

Fang Zhaomu caught Song Yuanxun’s arm, tilting his head up to kiss Song Yuanxun. Song Yuanxun tried dodging him, but in the end still welcomed him, and pressed him against the marble countertop in the kitchen, kissing him fiercely and brutally. Fang Zhaomu’s clothes had fallen open, and Song Yuanxun could finally again touch Fang Zhaomu’s body. His body was very soft, suffused with a heat mingled with carnal desire.

Song Yuanxun lifted him up onto the counter, and Fang Zhaomu finally managed to separate himself a little from him. Gasping for air, his lips were swollen, his eyes out of focus, and his hand that was on Song Yuanxun shoulder slid down his chest, cupping his tented part of the body.

“You want to sleep with me.” Fang Zhaomu chose an answer for Song Yuanxun.

Song Yuanxun grabbed Fang Zhaomu’s wrist. He felt that he had not used much strength, but Fang Zhaomu cried out in pain, and so he let go.

“I do want to sleep with you,” Song Yuanxun did not avoid Fang Zhaomu’s eyes. “I like you, of course I want to sleep with you.”

“Yes, for today, you’ll like me.” The corner of Fang Zhaomu’s lips pulled up.

“It’s not only today,” Song Yuanxun said. “It’s everyday.”

“How could it be everyday?” Fang Zhaomu spoke. “You like me now, so you’ll be nice to me. But what if you don’t like me tomorrow?”

“When you stop liking me, will I have to go back to my previous life?”

“Song Yuanxun, why would I like Andrew? Why did I use a hookup app?”

“Because I was suffering too much in your school. Because every day, I had no one to speak to. Because no one liked me, because you didn’t like me, none of you welcomed me.”

“When you were lying to me, did you think about all these?”

“Your feelings are valuable, my feelings aren’t. Then, what about the feelings I gave Andrew, who can I look for to get them back?”

Fang Zhaomu cried. It was not loud, just that his emotions had caused his tears to fall. They slid down his face, dripping onto his thigh.

Song Yuanxun’s heart felt as though it would never beat again.

Ever since Fang Zhaomu came in contact with him, he had cried countless of times. He would cry when walking, cry when turning on the lights, cry behind the door, and cry when he kissed.

“Fang Zhaomu,” Song Yuanxun gripped Fang Zhaomu’s shoulders. He looked directly into Fang Zhaomu’s eyes, forcing Fang Zhaomu to look at him. “Fang Zhaomu.”

Fang Zhaomu looked him, his eyes filled with tears. He looked so sad, making Song Yuanxun feel that as long as he could make him never cry again, he would be willing to do anything.

“Mumu,” Song Yuanxun said. “If you want Andrew, look for him within me. If you feel that there’s anything different, I’ll change and make it the same.”

“Everything about me that’s wrong, I’ll change them all. Anything that you don’t like, you can just scold me.”

“My feelings aren’t worth a thing. Take them. Use them how you will. Your feelings — they’re worth everything in the world. Don’t take them back… don’t take them away from me.”

Later on when Fang Zhaomu tired himself out crying, Song Yuanxun carried him back to his room. Fang Zhaomu lay on Song Yuanxun’s shoulder, his breathing nasally.

Song Yuanxun placed Fang Zhaomu on the bed, then wanted to go downstairs to get him a bowl of porridge. Fang Zhaomu caught hold of him.

“Switch off the lights.” Fang Zhaomu said.

Listening to him, Song Yuanxun switched them off. Fang Zhaomu then said, “Lie down.”

“The porridge—” He was cut off by Fang Zhaomu.

“What porridge, come and lie down.”

Song Yuanxun thought about it, then lay down on the guest room bed in the dark. The soft body lay next to him for a very very long time, before moving and leaning onto him.

Fang Zhaomu’s hand grabbed hold of Song Yuanxun’s, lightly fitting his fingers with his.

“Song Yuanxun,” He said into Song Yuanxun’s ear. “You’ll need to change everything.”