Part 4 (2/2)

”Neither do you,” he said. ”Yes, I like hanging out here. But you know what else? This is all we ever do. Most couples go to movies. Most couples do things. Most couples see people. We sit in your living room and drink beer with your brother. I mean, I like him and all, don't get me wrong, but”-his grip on my hands softened-”you're the coolest girl I've ever met. If you'd lived next door to me my entire life, I'd still be crazy about you. Do you think I'd put up with this if I wasn't?”

I didn't say anything.

”If you weren't here, I wouldn't be here, either,” he said. His voice was quiet. ”It's all you.”

We stared at each other for a minute. The light from the parlor window was reflected on his gla.s.ses, so I couldn't see his eyes.

Upstairs, the music stopped.

On the porch, in the dim light from the windows, Kevin brought my hand up to his mouth and kissed it. Then he pulled on my arm, gently, so that I had to move toward him, and he kissed my mouth.

”You have the most beautiful hair,” he said.

In a matter of minutes we were back where we'd started, as if the whole tortured discussion had never happened. He took my hand and put it on his p.e.n.i.s, hard inside his army pants. I moved my hand and his breath caught.

When the front door opened, he was as close as the rickety porch swing would let him get to lying on top of me, one hand fumbling inside my jeans and the other deeply twined in my hair. I saw Jack's shadow, cast in a square of yellow light on the ground, out of the corner of my eye. Kevin panicked and jerked away from me, but somehow his hand tangled itself in my hair and pulled. It hurt. I was startled. I shrieked.

Jack moved so fast I barely saw him. He was just a silhouette, standing motionless in the doorway, and then he had Kevin by the s.h.i.+rt and bent backward over the porch railing.

”Jack,” I said, and Jack hissed, ”Did you hurt her? Did you hurt my sister, you scrawny high school f.u.c.k?”

”It was an accident!” Kevin cried. He was babbling. ”I swear, man! I didn't mean it!”

”Jack,” I said again, louder. My scalp was throbbing a little, but the shriek had been more surprise than pain. ”Let him go. I'm fine. I'm fine. ”

Jack looked at me for a long moment. His hands were still holding double fistfuls of Kevin's s.h.i.+rt. Kevin's face was frozen in a mixture of embarra.s.sment and fear. I was afraid he might cry.

Then Jack let him go.

To Kevin's credit, he didn't run, although he looked like he wanted to. His face was pale and his gla.s.ses had been knocked crooked. As he straightened his s.h.i.+rt, he said, ”I didn't mean to hurt her. You startled me, that's all.” His voice was trembling.

But Jack wasn't even looking at Kevin. He was looking at me.

”Go home,” he said.

”Yeah, okay,” Kevin said, and then, ”I'm sorry, man.” He stepped down off the porch, his black T-s.h.i.+rt quickly disappearing as he walked toward his father's car, parked among the dark trees. The station wagon's engine roared to life, and for a moment Jack and I were bathed in the brilliant white flash of its headlights. The look on my brother's face was stony and frightening. Neither of us moved as the engine's hum faded into the night.

Until, incredibly, Jack began to laugh. ”Well, that put the fear of G.o.d into him.” He sat down hard next to me. The porch swing bucked wildly.

”I don't think it's G.o.d he's worried about.”

”Not my problem.” Jack gave me a critical look. ”You could at least b.u.t.ton up your s.h.i.+rt, Jo.”

I did as he suggested. My hands were shaking slightly. ”You scared him, Jack.”

”A little fear will do him good,” he said. ”Did he hurt you? Really?”

”Not much. But he didn't mean to hurt me at all. Couldn't you figure that out?”

He reached out and put a finger on the tip of my nose. I tried to ignore it. He kept it there.

”Stop it,” I finally said.

”You need to be careful, smaller sister,” he said. ”Don't give Monkey-boy anything until he gives us something. Too much too soon, and the game's up.”

”I don't care about the drugs.”

”I just walked in on my little sister with some guy's hand down her pants.” Jack's tone was conversational. ”I don't particularly care about the drugs right now, either.”

”Good, because you probably scared him away for good.”

I felt his burning green eyes on me, piercing into me. ”I mean it, Josie. Don't f.u.c.k him.”

”That's up to me.” My voice didn't sound nearly as brave as I'd intended it to.

”Is it?” Jack said.

We sat in uncomfortable silence. Somewhere an owl hooted, and I could hear distant cars cruising by on the highway.

Jack grabbed my hand and kissed it. Just like Kevin had. ”Baby sister,” he said. As quickly as I shook him off, he had my hand again and was stroking my palm. ”Poor smaller, weaker sister, with her big mean brother-”

”Who can't make up his mind about what he wants-”

”Only a promise. That's all I want. Your most solemn, sacred promise not to deliver until Monkey-boy does. Baby sister can wait that long, can't she? For her mean old brother?”

”Shut up. You're being a dork.”

”Dork. That's very expressive.” He shook his head sadly. ”Two weeks with a high school superstud and she drops fifty IQ points.” He moved to tickle me. I squirmed away, and then I was laughing in spite of myself. We were laughing together.

Finally, I said, ”I like him.”

”Then you can have him,” Jack said simply. ”I want you to have everything you want.”

Kevin didn't want to come back. Not at first.

”Can't we do something else?” he said during one of the many phone conversations we had that week. ”Can't I take you out to dinner? Maybe you could come over to my house. My mom's a good cook.”

The last thing I wanted to do was sit at a table and eat meatloaf with Kevin's parents, so I kept rea.s.suring him that Jack wasn't going to kill or maim or otherwise injure him. Jack was always close by during these conversations. He was usually laughing.

”Let him stay gone if he's so determined,” Jack said after a week of this. ”It's not as if he was doing anything for us, anyway.” Then he smiled wickedly. ”Well, I guess he was doing something for you, wasn't he, little sister? Or was it the other way around?”

”Stop it.” I spoke quietly, with a big smile. We had long since discovered, Jack and I, that the best way to keep your voice low and calm while saying nasty things was to force your words through a smile. Raeburn was home and in a rage. He'd locked himself away in his study, so Jack and I were sitting in the parlor, dressed in our dinner clothes. We had been playing chess but we'd started arguing instead, and now the pieces lay forgotten on the table. ”If you hadn't scared him off, he might have done something for us.”

”You don't get it.”

”I get that he's terrified that you're going to bash his head in.”

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