Part 41 (2/2)
E. G. Dillistone, an engineer in Brandon, Manitoba, Canada, was having problems with his new secretary.
Letters he dictated were coming to his desk for signature with two or three spelling mistakes per page. Mr. Dillistone reported how he handled this:
”Like many engineers, I have not been noted for my excellent English or spelling. For years I have kept a little black thumb - index book for words I had trouble spelling. When it became apparent that merely pointing out the errors was not going to cause my secretary to do more proofreading and dictionary work, I resolved to take another approach. When the next letter came to my attention that had errors in it, I sat down with the typist and said:
” 'Somehow this word doesn't look right. It's one of the words I always have had trouble with. That's the reason I started this spelling book of mine. [I opened the book to the appropriate page.] Yes, here it is. I'm very conscious of my spelling now because people do judge us by our letters and misspellings make us look less professional.
”I don't know whether she copied my system or not, but since that conversation, her frequency of spelling errors has been significantly reduced.”
The polished Prince Bernhard von Bulow learned the sharp necessity of doing this back in 1909. Von Bulow was then the Imperial Chancellor of Germany, and on the throne sat Wilhelm II-Wilhelm, the haughty; Wilhelm the arrogant; Wilhelm, the last of the German Kaisers, building an army and navy that he boasted could whip their weight in wildcats
Then an astonis.h.i.+ng thing happened. The Kaiser said things, incredible things, things that rocked the continent and started a series of explosions heard around the world. To make matters infinitely worse, the Kaiser made silly, egotistical, absurd announcements in public, he made them while he was a guest in England, and he gave his royal permission to have them printed in the Daily Telegraph. For example, he declared that he was For example, he declared that he was the only German who felt friendly toward the English; that he was constructing a navy against the menace of j.a.pan; that he, and he alone, had saved England from being humbled in the dust by Russia and France; that it had been his his campaign plan that enabled England's campaign plan that enabled England's Lord Roberts to defeat the Boers in South Africa; and so on and on.
No other such amazing words had ever fallen from the lips of a European king in peacetime within a hundred years. The entire continent buzzed with the fury of a hornet's nest. England was incensed. German statesmen were aghast. And in the midst of all this consternation, the Kaiser became panicky and suggested to Prince von Bulow, the Imperial Chancellor, that he take the blame.
Yes, he wanted von Bulow to announce that it was all his responsibility, that he had advised his monarch to say these incredible things.
”But Your Majesty,” von Bulow protested, ”it seems to me utterly impossible that anybody either in Germany or England could suppose me capable of having advised Your Majesty to say any such thing.”
The moment those words were out of von Bulow's mouth, he realized he had made a grave mistake. The Kaiser blew up.
”You consider me a donkey,” he shouted, ”capable of blunders you yourself could never have committed!”
Von Bulow's knew that he ought to have praised before he condemned; but since that was too late, he did the next best thing. He praised after he had criticized. And it worked a miracle.
”I'm far from suggesting that,” he answered respectfully.
”Your Majesty surpa.s.ses me in manv respects; not only of course, in naval and military knowledge but above all, in natural science. I have often listened in admiration when Your Majesty explained the barometer, or wireless telegraphy, or the Roentgen rays. I am shamefully ignorant of all branches of natural science, have no notion of chemistry or physics, and am quite incapable of explaining the simplest of natural phenomena.
But,” von Bullow continued, ”in compensation, I possess some historical knowledge and perhaps certain qualities useful in politics, especially in diplomacy.”
The Kaiser beamed. Von Bulow had praised him. Von Bulow had exalted him and humbled himself. The Kaiser could forgive anything after that. ”Haven't I always told you,” he exclaimed with enthusiasm, ”that we complete one another famously? We should stick together, and we will!”
He shook hands with von Bulow, not once, but several times. And later in the day he waxed so enthusiastic that he exclaimed with doubled fists, ”If anyone says anything to me against Prince von Bulow, I I shall punch him shall punch him in the nose.”
Von Bulow saved himself in time - but, canny diplomat that he was, he nevertheless had made one error: he should have begun begun by talking about his own shortcomings by talking about his own shortcomings and Wilhelm's superiority - not by intimating that the Kaiser was a half-wit in need of a guardian. a half-wit in need of a guardian.
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