Part 34 (2/2)

Tomorrow, before asking anyone to put out a fire or buy your product or contribute to your favorite charity, why not pause and close your eyes and try to think the whole thing through from another person's point of view? Ask yourself: ”Why should he or she want to do it?” True, this will take time, but it will avoid making enemies and will get better results - and with less friction and less shoe leather.

”I would rather walk the sidewalk in front of a person's office for two hours before an interview,” said Dean Donham of the Harvard business school, ”than step into that office without a perfectly clear idea of what I was going to say and what that person - from my knowledge of his or her interests and motives - was likely to answer.”

That is so important that I am going to repeat it in italics for the sake of emphasis.

I would rather walk the sidewalk in front of a person's office for two hours before an interview than step two hours before an interview than step into that office without a perfectly clear idea of of what I what I was going to say and what that persob - from my knowledge of his or her interests and motives - was likely to answer.

If, as a result of reading this book, you get only one thing - an increased tendency to think always in terms of the other person's point of view, and see things from that person's angle as well as your own - if you get only that one thing from this book, it may easily prove to be one of the stepping - stones of your career.

PRINCIPLE 8 Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.

9 WHAT EVERYBODY WANTS

Wouldn't you like to have a magic phrase that would stop arguments, eliminate ill feeling, create good will, and make the other person listen attentively?

Yes? All right. Here it is: ”I don't blame you one iota for feeling as you do. If I were you I would undoubtedly feel just as you do.”

An answer like that will soften the most cantankerous old cuss alive. And you can say that and be 100 percent sincere, because if you were the other person you, of course, would feel just as he does. Take Al Capone, for example. Suppose you had inherited the same body and temperament and mind that Al Capone had. Suppose you had had his environment and experiences. You would then be precisely what he was - and where he was. For it is those things - and only those things - that made him what he was. The only reason, for example, that you are not a rattlesnake is that your mother and father weren't rattlesnakes.

You deserve very little credit for being what you are deserve very little credit for being what you are - and remember, the people who come to you irritated, bigoted, unreasoning, deserve very little discredit for being what they are. Feel sorry for the poor devils. Pity them. Sympathize with them. Say to yourself: ”There, but for the grace of G.o.d, go I.”

Three-fourths of the people you will ever meet are hungering and thirsting for sympathy. Give it to them, and they will love you.

I once gave a broadcast about the author of Little Little Women, Louisa May Alcott. Naturally, I knew she had Louisa May Alcott. Naturally, I knew she had lived and written her immortal books in Concord, Ma.s.sachusetts.

But, without thinking what I was saying, I spoke of visiting her old home in Concord. New Hamps.h.i.+re.

If I had said New Hamps.h.i.+re only once, it might have been forgiven. But, alas and alack! I said it twice, I was deluged with letters and telegrams, stinging messages that swirled around my defenseless head like a swarm of hornets. Many were indignant. A few insulting.

One Colonial Dame, who had been reared in Concord, Ma.s.sachusetts, and who was then living in Philadelphia, vented her scorching wrath upon me. She couldn't have been much more bitter if I had accused Miss Alcott of being a cannibal from New Guinea. As I read the letter, I said to myself, ”Thank G.o.d, I am not married to that woman.” I felt like writing and telling her that although I had made a mistake in geography, she had made a far greater mistake in common courtesy. That was to be just my opening sentence. Then I was going to roll up my sleeves and tell her what I really thought. But I didn't.

I controlled myself. I realized that any hotheaded fool could do that - and that most fools would do just that.

I wanted to be above fools. So I resolved to try to turn her hostility into friendliness. It would be a challenge, a sort of game I could play. I said to myself, ”After all, if I were she, I would probably feel just as she does.”

So, I determined to sympathize with her viewpoint.

The next time I was in Philadelphia, I called her on the telephone. The conversation went something like this:

ME: Mrs. So-and-So, you wrote me a letter a few weeks ago, and I want to thank you for it.

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