Part 33 (1/2)

Judd: How did this all lead into Sat.u.r.day Night Live?

Michael: Lorne Michaels, the producer of Sat.u.r.day Night Live, heard the show. And Chevy had let it be known that Marilyn Miller, who had been writing for Mary Tyler Moore, was a big Lampoon fan, and she recommended me to Ed Bluestone, who used to write for the National Lampoon. A very good writer. So Lorne had heard of me in a variety of ways. I was in the middle of starting a new humor magazine at that time, and I went in to sign a contract on this, with Stan Lee- Judd: Then at Marvel Comics.

Michael: Yes, exactly. And the wing of that company went bankrupt and Lorne had kept offering me a television show and I didn't want to do television. Then I had no choice but to do television or magazine-I had no way to earn money, so I said, ”Okay, I'll do your television show.” I was sort of backed into it.

Judd: How did they decide what kind of show they wanted?

Michael: Well, they didn't-this got decided by getting a bunch of smart people in a room. The results were that show.

Judd: Now, when Sat.u.r.day Night Live started, weren't you a prime-time player?

Michael: I was for the first show, as a matter of fact. And then, I don't know why I was eliminated from that slot-I think it was because Lorne was having some problems with Chevy. But I'm not a particularly good actor.

Judd: But you starred in the first sketch of the series?

Michael: I did. I did the first sketch. The Wolverine sketch. G.o.d, that was scary.

Judd: Why is that?

Michael: Because n.o.body'd ever done live television. Twenty million people are watching you. My little heart goes thump, thump, thump, thump. I thought I was going to pa.s.s out from fear.

Judd: So it was only for the first show that you were a prime-time player?

Michael: I think I was in the second show as a prime-time player, too. And then I was dumped somehow. I don't know.

Judd: Why weren't you on the show more often?

Michael: Lorne didn't like me in the show that much.

Judd: Really?

Michael: Yeah. I wish I had been on the show more. It was always a problem about writing and acting for that show at the same time. All this c.r.a.p about- Judd: Isn't there a lot of compet.i.tion being on the show?

Michael: You bet.

Judd: Were you on the show straight through for the entire original run?

Michael: No, I quit after three years.

Judd: Why?

Michael: People were giving me s.h.i.+t. At a certain point, I didn't want to go through these comic meetings where my work was discussed. I figured I'd proven that I could write stuff. I just wanted to do what I wanted to do. I got fed up with the whole process.

Judd: Because I can see how they would question putting some of your stuff on the air.

Michael: Yeah, me, too.

Judd: I can see how somebody could question, you know, the Mike Douglas sketch. [Michael would come out and do an impression of Mike Douglas if giant knitting needles were driven into his eyes.]

Michael: Well, you know, they actually went for that one easy. I don't know why. I used to do it at parties with my friends. I originally did it on National Lampoon Radio Hour. And then I would do it to entertain the people at Sat.u.r.day Night Live, and finally somebody said, ”Let's put that on the air if it gives us laughs.” That was always our standard. If it makes us laugh, it should make them laugh. And it did, in a way.

Judd: The other night, I saw-do you ever watch the repeats?

Michael: No.

Judd: Why not?

Michael: Because I don't live in the past. That just dredges-I know exactly where I was during that period. It's like asking about Beatles songs. I don't care anymore. Game over.

Judd: What kind of arguments did you get in with the censors?

Michael: Well, the censors were actually pretty nice people. They had this concept that people turning the dial would hit NBC and go, ”Ah, NBC: the quality network. Oh, now my children are safe to watch this.” But people have no idea what network they're watching.

Judd: What would be examples of the skits they didn't let on?

Michael: Oh, a lot of 'em. The thing I got fired over last time was this piece about NBC president Fred Silverman called ”The Last Ten Days in Silverman's Bunker.” It's built with Fred Silverman as Adolf Hitler and they would not let it on. It was a twenty-minute sketch starring John Belus.h.i.+ as Silverman. Twenty minutes. And they fired me for having written it.

Judd: They ripped Silverman up in the show, though.

Michael: But not the way I ripped him up. They pretended to rip him up. I ripped him up.

Judd: So this is when you left the show. This is the- Michael: This is the last time. Grant Tinker, the president of NBC, personally axed me. That b.i.t.c.h.

Judd: What were the contents of that skit that were so- Michael: It's been a long time. It, ah-you sort of had to see. Silverman always had some new wacky idea of some show that was going to bring him back on top. It was all Silverman talking to his generals. He had a show called Look Up Her Dress, and the camera was right under these women's dresses. Women would stand on a big Plexiglas thing, and if they missed one question, we'd look up their dress-it was all these silly giggle shows, you know, that this guy wanted. He was very clever, it was very smart.

Judd: And then you left the show-what did you do in between the time you left and when you came back?

Michael: I wrote a song for Dolly Parton called ”Single Women.”

Judd: Are you serious?

Michael: I am serious. Top ten. One of the top ten country songs in the country. In fact, I just wrote two more country songs. It's easy. It's just a skill I have.

Judd: I don't know if you're kidding.

Michael: I swear to G.o.d. See, I wrote a lot of music for the show. I wrote music for Madeline Kahn.

Judd: ”Antler Dance”?

Michael: I wrote ”The Antler Dance.” Of course, the legendary ”Antler Dance.” I wrote ”The Castration Waltz.” And then I wrote ”Let's Talk Dirty to the Animals” for the Gilda Radner show. And suddenly it occurred to me: Why am I writing these novelty songs when I could be writing real songs and collecting real royalties on 'em? So I did, and I did.

Judd: Why did you decide to come back to Sat.u.r.day Night Live in 1981?

Michael: Money and the promise that I could do whatever I wanted. As it so happened I was totally boxed by a big towheaded dork called d.i.c.k Ebersol and his Judas accomplice, Robert Tischler. And they hired people like-ah, you know, not a box of talent between all of them. All I had was Eddie Murphy and Joe Piscopo, who's decent. Lame writers. I was totally miserable. I was nuts and finally they fired me.