Part 3 (1/2)

”'General Order Number Seven Hundred and Nineteen. To all employees of the Interurban Express Company: On and after this date all employees of this company will use, in their correspondence and in all other official business, the following list of three hundred words. By order of the president.'”

”Yes,” said the president, tearing a strip from Mr. Gratz's newspaper that he held in his hand. ”Here is the list of words. I want the whole thing mimeographed, and I want you to see that a copy gets into the hands of every man and woman in our employ: all the offices, here and on the road. Understand?”

”Yes, sir,” she answered, and then she arose, fixed her neck scarf, and went out. Mr. Smalley took his seat at his desk and began arranging his papers, humming cheerfully.

Mr. Gratz arose and stalked silently out of the office. But when the door was closed behind him he smiled. One of the members of the ”Simplified Spelling Board” was his personal friend. Mr. Gratz had prevailed upon Mr. Smalley to adopt the new spelling, and he had done so by using the only means he could use with hope of success.

The next day Mike Flannery, the Westcote agent of the express company, was sitting at his desk in the express office, carefully spelling out a letter to Mary O'Donnell, on whom his affections were firmly fixed, when he heard the train from Franklin whistle. He had time to read what he had written before he went to meet the train, and he glanced over the letter hastily.

”Dearst Mary Odonil,” it said, ”reply in to yourse i would say i ment no harm when i kised you last nite it did not mene you was no lady but my feelins got to mutch for me i love you so how was i to no you wood not like it when i had never tried it on befor if you dont like it i will let up on that after this but it was the best kiss i ever had--” He stopped to scratch out the part about its being the best kiss he had ever had, for that seemed, on second thought, not the best thing to say, and then, as lovers so often do, he tore the whole letter to bits, and hurried to meet the train.

Flannery came back with a few packages and a couple of the long official envelopes. He dumped the packages on his counter and tore open the first of the envelopes. It was a mimeograph circular and had that benzine odor that Flannery had come to a.s.sociate with trouble, for it meant a new rule that he must follow, or a change of rates that he must memorize, under penalty of dismissal. All orders were given under penalty of dismissal, and Flannery had so many rules and regulations under his red hair that each day he wondered whether he would still be the Westcote agent at the end of the next.

As he read his forehead wrinkled.

”'Gineral Order Number Sivin Hundred an' noineteen,'” he read slowly.

”And is it possible 'tis only th' sivin hundred an' noineteenth of thim I have been gettin'? I w'u'd have said 't was th' forty-sivinth thousand gineral order I have had t' learn and memorize. Wheniver th' prisidint, or th' vice-prisidint, or th' manager, or th' janitor, or th' office-boy at th' head office has nawthin' else t' do they be thinkin' up a new gineral order t' sind t' Flannery. 'What's th' news of th' day?' says th' prisidint. 'Nawthin' doin',' says th' janitor. 'Then wake up and sind Flannery a gineral order t' learn th' Declaration av Indepindince by hearrt,' says th' prisidint. 'Mebby he do be gittin' lazy!' 'And shall I add on th' Const.i.tution av th' United States?' says th' janitor.

'Sure!' says th' prisidint, ''t will do Flannery no harm t' be busy.'”

He held the paper out at arm's length and shook his head at it, and then slapped it down on the counter and gave it his attention.

”'To all imployees av th' Interurban Ixpriss Company,'” he read. ”'On an' after this date all imployees av this company will use, in their correspondince, and in all other official business, the follyin' list av t'ree hunderd words. By order of th' prisidint.' Sure!” he said. ”'Under penalty av dismissal from th' service av th' company,' as ye might be sayin'!”

He turned to the list of three hundred words and began to read it. As he pa.s.sed down the list the frown on his brow deepened. At ”anapest” it was a noticeable frown, at ”apothem” it became very p.r.o.nounced, and at ”dieresis” his s.h.a.ggy red brows nearly covered his eyes, he was frowning so hard.

”I wonder what th' Interurban Ixpriss Company w'u'd loike me t' be writin' thim on th' subject av 'ec.u.menical'?” he said. ”Mebby there be some of these here 'edile' and 'egis' things comin' by ixpriss, and 't will be a foine thing t' know how t' spell thim whin th' con-_sign_-y puts in a claim fer damages, but if th' company is goin' t' carry many 'eponyms' and 'esophaguses' Mike Flannery will be lookin' for another job.--And w'u'd you look at this wan! 'Paleography!' Thim be nice words t' order th' agints av th' ixpriss company t' be usin'!”

He pulled at a lock of his hair thoughtfully.

”I wonder, now,” he said, ”do they want Mike Flannery t' learn all thim words by hearrt, and use thim all. Should I be usin' thim all in one letter, or distribute thim throughout th' correspondince, or what? 'T is a grand lot of worrds if I only knew what anny of thim meant, but 't will be hard t' find a subject t' write on t' run in this word of 'h.o.m.onym.' There has not been one of thim about th' office since Mike Flannery has been here.”

But his duty was plain, and he took his varnish pot and pasted the list on the wall beside his desk where he could refer to it instantly, and then he slid on to his high stool to write the acknowledgment of the receipt of the list.

”Interurban Express Co., Franklin. Gentelmen,” he wrote, ”I receved the genral order 719 and will oba it but I will have to practise v. and n.

awhile first, some of the words dont come natural to me off hand like polyp and estivate. what is the rate on these if any comes exprest.

whats a etiology, pleas advice me am I to use all these words or only sum. Mike Flannery.”

He sealed this with the feeling that he had done well indeed for a first time. He had worked in ”practise v. and n.” and ”exprest,” and, if the head office should complain that he had not used enough of the words in the list, he could point to ”polyp” and ”estivate” and ”etiology.” It was slow work, for he had to look up each word he used before writing it, to see whether it was on the list or not, but generally it was not, and that gave him full liberty to spell it in any of the three or four simplified ways he was used to employing.

Then he turned to his letter to Mary O'Donnell. His buoyancy was somewhat lessened in this second attempt by the necessity of looking up each word as he used it, and he was working his way slowly, and had just told her he was sorry he had ”kist” her (”kist” was in the three hundred), and that it had been because he had ”f.a.got” himself (”f.a.got”

was in the list also), when a man entered the office and laid a package on the counter.

Flannery slid from his stool and went to the counter. The man was Mr.

Warold of the Westcote Tag Company, and the package was a bundle of tags that he wished to send by express. They were properly done up, for Mr.

Warold sent many packages by express. It was addressed to the ”Phoenix Sulphur Company, Armourville, Pa.” It was marked ”Collect” and ”Keep Dry.” It was a nice package, done up in a masterly manner, and the tags were to fill a rush order from the sulphur company.

Flannery pulled the package across the counter, and was about to drop it on the scales when the ”Collect” caught his eye, and he held out his hand to Mr. Warold.

”Have ye brung th' receipt-book with ye?” he asked.

Mr. Warold felt in his coat-pocket. He had forgotten to bring the receipt book, and Flannery drew a pad of blank receipts toward himself, and dipped a pen into the ink. Then he looked at the address.

”'Pho-_e_-nix,'” he read slowly. ”That do be a queer sort av a worrd, Mr. Warold. 'Pho-_e_-nix!' Is it a man's name, I dunno?”