Part 23 (1/2)

'No, the doors are locked. Has he harmed you? I never meant to place you in danger! It would have been wiser if you had travelled with me, or stayed in the church 'He hasn't harmed me,' I said. 'He only asked questions about you, which I refused to answer. I am so tired. I want my son and I want to go home.'

'Come, sit with me,' said Dracula. 'You are safe here. I have so missed your company, Mina.'

This was part of the library that I had blundered into; a small, octagonal reading room, with a pattern resembling the points of a compa.s.s on the floor, and a cupola above, painted blue-black with silver stars. The walls were lined with shelves, but all the books were shut up behind heavy leaded gla.s.s. The whole room was in white and black marble, and windowless; the light came from candles and an antique lamp.

We sat at a round marble-inlaid table in the centre. One large volume lay open upon it; I glimpsed rows of arcane symbols- and medieval etchings of demons before Dracula closed it and pushed it aside. Sorcery.

We began to speak, like long-lost friends, of all that had befallen us since we parted. Dracula sat very still and upright as he spoke, one hand resting on the table. 'When I arrived, Beherit attacked me, which was no more than I had expected; I shut myself in here, not because I fear him, which I do not, but so that he would leave me in peace with the books.'

'Are the books all that concern you?' I said, sharp with fear. 'What about Quincey and Elena? You have said not one word about them. Are they here? If not, I can only think that they have died in the snow! But you must know!'

'Ah, Mina.' He was shaking his head, pressing my hands between his own. 'I have led you amiss, I fear. Higher considerations have required me to be less than truthful; for that, I beg your pardon. They are not here, but I a.s.sure you they are not dead.'

A mingled wave of anger and confusion swept through me. 'Then where - ?'

'Quincey and Elena never left England. They are quite safe at Carfax. You will be reunited with your son as soon as you go home; in that, I did not lie.'

My emotions at this news -1 cannot even begin to express their intensity! I trembled, I all but swooned. At first I was so relieved I could have fallen on him in grat.i.tude; the next moment I was ablaze with fury. 'You lied to me! You lied, to bring me here!

Why?'

He appeared unmoved by my pa.s.sion. 'Because I wanted you to share in this, Mina. Forget Beherit, he is a mere caretaker; I speak of this glorious knowledge.'

'No. More likely I was a mere s.h.i.+eld, to keep your enemies at a distance! I stopped them destroying you, because I thought Quincey -!'

Dracula nodded; shamelessly, I thought, although there was no mockery in his demeanour. He seemed weary and thoughtful, as if he carried the weight of history OH his shoulders. 'Your presence has been strategic, Mina; I would not deny that. But I have made you my helper now solely in order to make you my beloved companion in the future.'

'And what of Elena? You seem to think nothing of discarding those who have been useful!'

A red gleam came into his eyes. 'You are unjust. Elena will be with us too. She has served me and loved me well. We are not bound by the narrow laws of your petty society, that I may take only one bride or you one husband. And I have been without a family for too long. Your Van Helsing destroyed the last of those dear to me.'

He sounded so sorrowful that I could only with immense difficulty feel anything but compa.s.sion for him. And this is how he wears me down, exciting not evil in me but my tenderest pa.s.sions! Even knowing consciously, with wide-open eyes, that this is the Devil's work - I still cannot turn aside!

I asked, 'Have you found what you hoped to find here?'

'Such a process cannot be realized in a day. It may take years, but time is on my side. If Beherit tries to hinder me, he will suffer.

He tricked me, of course - or so he thinks.'

'In what way?'

The Count gave a cruel smile that showed his teeth in all their sensual sharpness. 'He knew that if poor Kovacs said to me, ”Do not under any circ.u.mstances go to the Scholomance,” I would immediately wish to come here. Although I saw the deceit for what it was, it made me stop and reflect. Beherit is and ever was, you see, an unholy fool. There is knowledge here.'

'Which no Christian should possess!'

'And since I am no Christian; I believe there could be, in truth, a remedy in the Scholomance for all the restrictions that have plagued my immortal existence.'

'So you came here with no thought of redemption, only of increasing your evil powers.'

'Don't think you can redeem me,' Dracula said fiercely. 'Accept what I am, for I will never change. Yet believe this; I spurn the Devil! Kovacs sold his soul for access to undreamed-of wisdom - as did I. But I refused to pay. Therein lay my crime. I was the tenth scholar, chosen by the Devil to be taken in payment for the rest - but I have been warrior, warlord and boyar, and I bow down to no one, not even to Satan himself. I refused to give myself up; I killed those who tried to force me. Beherit was the only one left alive - Undead, rather - and he has spent hundreds of years in my place, waiting for me to return. Now he learns that it has done him no good.'

All of this he said quite calmly. I asked, 'Then you don't serve the Devil?'

'I care nothing for him or for G.o.d!'

'But if you don't serve G.o.d you must aid the Devil. And you still fear G.o.d, or you would not flinch from holy symbols!'

'Do leave aside your theology, Mina. Your reasoning may be correct. But Beherit is right, I left here too soon, before I armed myself with the arcane secrets that would free me from all such constraints.'

Now I sensed a trace of desperation in Dracula that I had never marked before. 'Beherit means to harm you. 1,1 he is afraid of you, and jealous.' 'He can neither harm nor command me, and he knows it. I ask only that he let me alone to conduct certain studies and experiments. You should stay, Mina; you would be more than comfortable here, and I will protect you from his foolishness. Is there not the slightest curiosity in you about this forbidden knowledge? No taint of Eve? Women were taken as students here. Lucifer, they say, has an especial fondness for women. . .'

'Were you really tutored by the Devil himself?' I whispered. 'What did he ... look like?'

'Like Beherit. Like each student's reflection; he stole our reflections, indeed. Like an exquisite black-haired woman. A horned snail. A little golden child ...” I could not tell if he were serious or mocking. He went on, 'We can send for Quincey and Elena as soon as the weather is more clement.'

I turned quite hollow inside, and could not speak. Beherit seemed nothing now; Count Dracula was the only lord of this domain.

He gripped my hand more tightly, saying, 'Well? Quincey will join us, will he not? You must have made your decision.'

And I had, although I did not realize it until that moment. The Count might kill me where I stood for making my answer, but that was better than being toyed with and tormented over my poor son's soul.

'Yes,' I said firmly. 1 have made my decision. If Quincey's days are meant to be short, G.o.d's will be done. I would rather nurse a broken heart the rest of my days than think that I had condemned a child's soul - and who knows how many others through him - to eternal d.a.m.nation!'

Dracula flung my hand from him, and rose so abruptly his chair flew back and hit the floor with a bang. His eyes blazed. The white brows knotted above the hard lines of his face, and his wolf-teeth showed in all their terrible b.e.s.t.i.a.lity. He seized me by the shoulder, lifting me so that I hung from his broad hand, gasping with the pain. And the pale infernal light that glared from his face! I feared for my life - and yet it was that very h.e.l.lish light that told me I had made the right decision. I could never be a part of this.

Even if it cost me my life!

He shook me. 'How dare you defy me!' He gathered me to him and I felt his lips and teeth on my throat; I thought that was the end. Yet I felt his mouth relax, and move over my jaw and cheek to rest in my hair. Dracula wept.

I believe I ceased to resist him then. I allowed his embrace, even returned it, my shoulders softening and my head falling back.

Holding me, he spoke softly and desperately. 'Mina, I love you. I have a powerful will to live, yes, but that will is all for you. If you reject me - what then is left?'

I could not answer. There was nothing I could say. I had no words of comfort; how can such an awesome being be comforted?

Tears fell from my eyes. I can't express the pain I felt - feel. For I so wanted to tell him ... but I could not. Because of Quincey, because I cannot give us both up to d.a.m.nation.Presently he put me away from him and spoke, very grave and sad. 'Ah Mina, I cannot complain at your determination. It was your very strength that drew me to you.'

He kissed my hand and bowed his head to me, as if acknowledging the end of a contest. 'Quincey will live,' he said, his tone soul-weary. 'He will grow out of his childhood weakness and thrive.'

'How can you know that?'

'We studied all arts here; medicine as well as alchemy, necromancy, weaponry and the command of nature. I gave him, while he was in my care, certain mixtures to strengthen his const.i.tution. But you will see for yourself.' He turned away.

I knew then that everything had changed. That when he gave his word to accept my refusal, he meant it! But to realize this was more than astonis.h.i.+ng. To think that Count Dracula would, at my bidding, cease to haunt me, cease to persuade or seduce my good intentions to bad -1 felt as if some great prop had been jerked away from under my very being, leaving me in a heap upon the earth.

I had won my liberty, and now was not at all sure I wanted it. Do not judge, you who read this, that women are weak, unless you, also, have had to make the decision that I made!