Part 15 (1/2)

'I know your strength. That is why I need you. Women and men without spirit are of no use to me.'

'Is no one of any worth, then, who is not of use to you?'

'Why does this shock you, when you know what I am? How could it be otherwise?'

'You must have been different once.' I was trying, in desperation, to appeal to any humanity he might have left. 'When you were mortal.'

Now his smile was not cruel, but sad. 'But you know what I was, and have no doubt made your judgements. Ah, do not tell me that I am G.o.d's to judge. I have long ceased to have any interest in G.o.d's opinion - or in the Devil's. And I could tell you that all I did, I did in defence of my country and people; that it was necessary, in a fearsome world, to be the most fearsome thing in it. But I have no wish to justify myself, any more than you have to hear it.' As he went on talking I began to let go a little of the fear that had possessed me - at the same time knowing that the less I feared him, the more I might be sucked into the pit of evil and become part of it.

Nevertheless it seemed possible, and a great relief for my worn nerves, that I should suspend terror for a time.

'I view the past as if through a great wavering veil, a heat-haze rising from the field of conflict,” he went on, sounding weary. 'It was another man who lived through the blood and battles and heroism of those times. Not me. I cannot remember being other than I am. The days of war are long gone .. . and if they come again, as they surely will, it will be others who lead our armies into battle.'

As he spoke, there seemed to be a great sighing s.p.a.ce around him, aeons of solitude. 'Meanwhile, I go on, by my own choice.

When I was in limbo, and when you pa.s.sed me by and I felt your spirit touch mine, all I remembered was the pleasure of living.'

I recalled what I had read in Elena's journal; her experience of Dracula's dreadful solitude. It pulled at my heart. I cannot allow such sympathies to grow.

He went on, 'I had forgotten the terrible loneliness . ..'

'There is surely a cure for this loneliness,' I said sharply. 'To die at the appointed hour and go to your Maker!'

Dracula laughed, showing hard white teeth that made my stomach contract in anxiety. 'But I want life! I want dominion over life.

Your Van Helsing destroyed not only me. He killed the three companions of my heart and they cannot come back.'

'The three women in the castle,' I said. 'Who were they?'

He spoke so softly I am not sure I heard him rightly. 'Daughter ... sister ... wife. Now they are gone.'

'But when were they gone? When Van Helsing destroyed them - or when you first made them Undead?'

He did not answer. I expected him to be angry, but he only looked thoughtful, and so grave, I began, again, to feel sympathy. I asked, 'Why can they not come back, as you have?'

'Van Helsing dispatched them more efficiently than he did me ... but there is far more to the matter than that. Through no fault of their own, they had not my knowledge or strength. They left no mortal walking the earth with their blood in her veins; no companion bonded in blood. They lacked my singular will, my appet.i.te for life. I returned only through you, Mrs Harker, and for you. Do you not therefore bear some responsibility for my existence?'

I hated the way he tried to blame me, to draw me in, but in a sense it was no less than the truth. 'Perhaps. If it is so, I am as sinful as you.'

He smiled; his face, for a moment, was almost kind. I could see in it the mortal he once was, who presumably felt some tenderness at least for his family. 'No. You have far to go. But can you not be barred from Heaven as much for a small sin as a great one? Therefore it will make things no worse for you if you should go a little further. That is, to let wrong occur not by failing to hinder it, but by actively desiring it.'

'You know I cannot.'

'Can you not? Don't lie to yourself, Mina. A wrong, but for the greater good; your freedom to be with your son.'

'If I do as you ask, will you not only set us free, but leave us alone for ever?'

He paused. 'I cannot promise so much. This transaction is to allow you and Quincey to be together. To let you both go home unhindered - I may require more.'

'This is not fair!'

'It is all I can offer.'

'Why do you need me to consent?' I said angrily. 'Why not take me by force, as you did before?'

'I tell you again that I did not force you. You failed to hinder me, which was your subconscious consenting even while your conscious did not. You were yourself acutely aware of your ”stain”. I draw your attention again to your record, Mina: were not your spiritual agonies somewhat exaggerated for the benefit of your Christian fellows? But if, instead, you refuse to think yourself ”stained”, then who can make you ashamed?'

'That would be self-delusion!'

'I am talking about the free will necessary for transactions between good and evil.'

'Free will,' I said. 'Of course, the Devil can take only those who offer themselves willingly. If I consent, the power you gain from taking my blood is greatly enhanced. Is that the case?'

'It is so,' said Dracula.

'How can I consent?'

'Because I hold Quincey.'

'Then it is still coercion!'

'Not so, for it requires you to make a choice. Or, put another way, it enables you to make the choice while still telling yourself- and your husband and your almost-father, Van Helsing - that you were forced. I am cruel to be kind, Mina.'

'You are the Devil!' I cried.'No. Nor do I serve him; I care nothing for him. But whatever I am, you know me, Mina. When my spirit entered Jonathan, you knew who it was that you welcomed into your bed. You knew that it was me and not your husband. Have you ever shown him such pa.s.sion? I doubt it - nor he to you.'

I hung my head, blood rus.h.i.+ng hotly into my face. He added, 'You are alive and I am Undead - yet which of us is it that knows how to live with all the pa.s.sion of life?'

'You are jealous of the living!'

'Jealous... I do not think so. But I must be near them. I could not possess you, beloved; you were too strong. But I need your strength, your warmth. If you died in my embrace, and became Undead, all your arguments would vanish.'

'Yes, and that is where the deepest evil lies - that I would lose my conscience, and no longer care, and feed upon my own son!'

He leaned over and put his hand upon mine. It was warm from the fire. The worst thing was that I did not mind the touch! 'That is why I need you to choose, while you still know good from evil,' he said softly. 'When I was in Jonathan's form, you wanted me.

We are husband and wife; you know this.'

'In a vile travesty of the Christian union. It has no weight in G.o.d's eyes!'

'Then there is only sin, in G.o.d's eyes. Give yourself to me, beloved, when the time comes. I must have your blood. Give it gladly, and you will be reunited with your son.'