Part 11 (1/2)

It hurts.

There's a steady pulse in my right temple and my eyelids are gummed together with mascara and reluctance to function. My fuzzed tongue is stuck to the roof of my mouth and I feel like I've just exhaled gas that is one part rotten eggs to five parts processed alcohol.

Injustice flickers in my thoughts, but when I try and add up how much I drank, I get a bit lost. My indignation lowers its head and edges away, allowing humiliation to step up to the plate as I think of all the terrible things I said to Kaz. Groaning, I roll over and knock into a Ma.s.sIVE bottle of water with a paper cup resting on the lid. There's a message written on the cup: DRINK ME.

On the floor next to that, there's a packet of paracetamol with EAT ME written on it and then, (BUT ONLY THE RECOMMENDED DOSE!) in tiny little letters underneath. Kaz's sleeping bag has been neatly folded over, her pyjamas sitting on top like towels on a hotel pillow, but other than this there's no sign of her. I can't remember her coming in last night... Once medicated, I pull on Ed's ma.s.sive hoodie that I've been using as a pillow and shuffle out of the tent and into the sun, prepared to ride out whatever looks I get from the others about how weird I acted last night.

Lee's the only person here.

”You look rough,” is the first thing he says. I'd stick my tongue out at him, but that feels like effort.

”Where's everyone else?” I croak.

”Gone showering.”

”All of them?” By which I mean Kaz?! It's not like her to shower with relative strangers, although she is a bit of a clean freak.

Lee can see I'm struggling with the thinking. ”They've gone off-site to do it somewhere hot and private. And to pick up McDonald's.”

This time I really am baffled. I lift my arm and wave at the nearest line of burger vans before I collapse onto the floor next to Lee.

”They probably wanted to escape the smell. You stink, Rubbuteo.”

He might have a point. I close my eyes and enjoy not moving.

”Don't fall asleep.” Lee prods me in the cheek and I open my eyes to see a wicked smile that promises nothing but pain. ”I know something that'll sort you out.”

KAZ.

The shower is on its hottest setting and my skin's blotchy from the heat as I stand under the stream and cry.

It doesn't matter how many times I've tried to tell myself that I lost my virginity to the boy I love, what I've really done is have s.e.x with another girl's boyfriend.

I should have asked him.

It's too late now. The memories of what we did burst across my brain all the excitement and desire now tempered with shame.

And misery. Because for all I feel appallingly, devastatingly guilty for what I've done, I feel sadder still that the boy I have always loved replaced me so quickly. He didn't even care enough to be honest with me.

”Kaz? Are you in there?” It's Anna.

”Yes, sorry. Coming!” I lift my face into the stream of scorching water and wash away the evidence of my misery before I switch the shower off and dry myself with the free gym towel. G.o.d bless Parvati for her expensive gym members.h.i.+p and willingness to give one of her promotional guest pa.s.ses to me despite the fact that she doesn't even know my real name. My pa.s.s says CAROLINE on it.

The other two are dressed and waiting as I dart into a cubicle. My clothes stick to my still-damp skin as I pull them on, not wanting to delay the girls more than I have to. By the time I emerge, my top lip is coated in perspiration.

”You all right?” Anna asks, looking at me closely, and I catch sight of my mottled reflection.

”I'm fine!” I smile and nod as if moving will make it harder for her to see that I'm lying. ”Just a bit hot in here...”

Parvati nods. ”It's always baking in the changing room and I'm still steaming from the booze. Let's get out of here.”

I wish I could stay.

RUBY.

No doubt inspired by the summer that Ed instigated the Drench Ruby Rule when I couldn't set foot in the back garden without someone throwing a bucket of water at me Lee's idea is for me to stand by the water point in my bikini whilst he uses a saucepan to chuck water at me.

It has the desired effect.

The second the water hits my skin, my hangover's forgotten. What starts out as a ”shower” soon turns into a full-on water fight, involving everyone within splas.h.i.+ng distance of the taps, and by the time the attendant manning the water point comes over to break it up, I can barely breathe for laughing/screaming/shouting.

Mood lifted, skin cleansed, I walk back with Lee.

”Were you planning on telling me what happened last night, or were you just going to pretend everything's fine?” Lee's voice is quiet and he steps close enough that I can almost feel the water evaporating from his skin.

”I could ask the same of you.” I glance up, but Lee's eyes are on the ground. He can poker-face it better than Gaga when he wants to.

”I'm serious, p.u.b.es.” Lee b.u.mps my arm. ”Parvati told me that there was a spin-the-bottle incident involving Stu. She told me you were angry that you had to kiss him.”

That's one way of putting it, I suppose. The easy way.

”I thought it was over,” I say, closing my eyes, permitting myself a heartbeat of remembering.