Part 16 (2/2)

”Go home and forget me,” he said, ”and G.o.d knows, I shall try to forget you.”

Astara could not realise what was happening or where she was!

The suddenness of Vulcan's movement had left her un-steady so that she put out her hand and found she was holding onto the side of the door: It was the front door of the Mill.

She heard it close behind her, heard the key turn in the lock. Then there were Vulcan s footsteps moving heavily along the flagged pa.s.sage.

She was outside, alone in the suns.h.i.+ne which had no warmth in it.

Somehow, she could never afterwards remember anything about it, Astara walked back to Worfield House.

By the time she reached it she felt as if her whole body had gone numb and there was a darkness in her mind which made it almost impossible to think.

She must have gone upstairs, because a little while later she came down again to the Breakfast-Room.

It was as if her body acted instinctively without her will, without her conscious volition.

She could no longer think, she was past tears. ”Good-morning, Astara!” Sir Roderick said.

She kissed his cheek as she always did and took her place opposite him at the end of the table.

William and Lionel who had risen as she entered resumed their seats and continued their breakfast.

The servants poured out her coffee and she refused several dishes that were offered to her.

”We shall not be able to ride until about half-past ten, ” Sir Roderick said. ”It is annoying, but I have to see these men from the Council.”

”They are usually very long-winded,” Lionel remarked sympathetically.

”Not with me,” Sir Roderick replied.

”I have an idea that while we are waiting for Uncle Roderick,” William said addressing Astara, ”you might like to try out my new team of bays.”

Astara did not answer and he went on : ”I will drive them for a short while to take the freshness out of them, then if you wish you can drive them home. I know you will appreciate how easy they are to handle.”

Vaguely at the back of her mind Astara remembered that she had always wanted to drive a team of four, but now it seemed' unimportant whether she did or not.

”Shall we do that?” William asked.

She knew he would be astonished if she refused such an offer.

”Y .. yes ... yes, of course,” she replied.

”I will order them for nine-thirty,” he said.

Then he looked across the table at Lionel and said: ”I regret that my Phaeton will not hold more than two people.”

”I am aware of that, Lionel answered.

William smiled as if he thought he had scored a point over his cousin in ensuring that he had Astara to himself. Sir Roderick rose from the end of the table.

”I imagine the Councillors will be waiting for me,” he said, ”but I a.s.sure you I shall be back at the house by half after ten.”

”We will be ready, Uncle Roderick,” Lionel replied. As if Sir Roderick's departure made Astara realise that she too could leave the Breakfast-Room she rose.

Lionel opened the door for her and followed her into the pa.s.sage.

”Do not let William monopolise you for too long,” he said. ”He is taking an unfair advantage in offering to let you drive his Phaeton. I could hardly invite you to share the saddle of my charger if I had him with me !”

Astara tried to smile at his joke but it was a pitiful effort.

She wondered if she should refuse to go with William and instead lock herself in her bed-room.

Then she told herself that tears would not help her nor would anything else.

Vulcan had meant what he said and somehow her life must go on, even though she felt as if she was crippled and maimed in a way that no-one except he would under-stand.

He must have known, she thought, that by sending her away, by refusing the love she offered him, he had struck a mortal blow not at her body but at her very soul.

Only Vulcan knew that their love was not only physical but spiritual, and without him everything he had aroused in her would wither away and die so that she could only be a ghost of herself.

”How can he do this to me?” she asked.

Then her education, her training, the self-control that her father and mother had taught her to exert ever since she was a child, forced her to behave in what an uninformed on-looker would have thought a normal manner.

She told her maid what bonnet she required and which of her expensive silk shawls she would take with her in case it was cold in the Phaeton.

Now that the sun had risen fully it was obvious it would be a hot day, and Astara did not change from the thin white gown she had put on first thing.

She had chosen it deliberately because it was like the one in which she had posed for Vulcan as Persephone, and instinctively she had thought she would remind him that he had called her 'Aphrodite' and 'his little G.o.ddessHer white gown was unrelieved by colour but her bonnet was trimmed with a wreath of small pink roses and there were pink ribbons to match, to tie under her chin.

She looked very lovely as she came down the stairs to where William was waiting for her in the Hall.

Only someone more perceptive than he would have realised that she was very pale and her eyes had a glazed look as if she was suffering from shock.

The Phaeton was waiting outside the door. William's exceptionally fine team of bays were fidgeting to be off and the grooms were finding it hard to hold them.

Lionel helped Astara up into the Phaeton.

”Take care of yourself,” he said. ”These vehicles can be dangerous in narrow country lanes.”

”Are you casting aspersions on my driving?” William asked truculently.

”I think I am more apprehensive in case Astara is not as experienced as you,” Lionel replied.

William did not answer and he went on: ”Personally I think, whatever you may say about your horses, they are too head-strong for a woman to control.”

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