Part 35 (1/2)

Chapter 26.

'No!'

I've been watching Joel sleep for the past five minutes and it freaks me out that this is how he chooses to greet the morning-after-the-night-before.

'No! No!' he continues his emphatic remonstration.

His eyes are still tightly closed. Is he sleep-talking? Dreaming? Remembering?

'Joel?' I whisper, paranoia gnawing at me.

He groans and flips on to his side, announcing: 'NO, I don't regret it. NO, it's not going to be awkward between us. And NO, I'm not gonna try and wriggle out of driving you to Los Angeles.'

He opens one eye. 'Okay?'

'Okay!' I grin, totally busted.

He looks past me to the alarm clock: 5.45am. 'Five more minutes?' he entreats.

I snuggle back into the warmth of his furry chest the kind that looks like it's been blown-dry and feels like a nest made of softly spun silk.

Now Joel's said his piece I feel secure in the knowledge that he's not going to squirm away from me or pretend it didn't happen. Or pretend it was any thing more than it was. I like how he's honest with me and doesn't invent stuff that he thinks I want to hear. He's the same person he was at the wedding reception last night. Only with fewer clothes. And that's the way it should be.

I don't understand why so many men shut down directly after an intimate encounter. In theory it should bring you closer together but that's rarely been my experience. Is it panic at being confronted with real emotions that throws them through a loop? Embarra.s.sment at having shown some vulnerability? Or is it that, in trying to second-guess what the girl is thinking, they mistakenly presume you always want more from them? They daren't be nice or civil in case they encourage you.

Generally the best thing to do is to get the h.e.l.l out of Dodge. But not today. Today I'm going to enjoy the chest then I'm going to have breakfast with it and then take a six-hour drive with it. And it's going to be fine. More than fine. I know that because I haven't woken up feeling as if I lost something in the night. There are no regrets. Even when I think about Elliot. Yes, that fireside kiss was pure bliss, but I'm still a little miffed that he made his move on Joel's time, rather than the endless free years he could have chosen. It makes me question his motivation. All the same, I was concerned that being with Joel would feel like a betrayal. But it didn't. It felt like an entirely separate part of my life, and, if anything, I feel more balanced about Elliot today because I'm no longer quite so far behind in the amour stakes: Now I've had a bit of action I don't have to be resentful of my feelings for him, because this time they haven't stopped me having fun.

A big smile spreads across my face. Apparently it is possible to get it on with a friend and still be buddies the next day. I'd even go one step further: sometimes it doesn't ruin everything, it makes it better!

One of Joel's hands slips over the side of the bed and reappears with a bottle of Evian in its grasp.

'Slurp of Nave, darling?'

I eagerly rehydrate then ask, 'Are you the mythical perfect boyfriend?'

'As a matter of fact I'm the world's worst boyfriend,' he states, frankly. 'But I do a nice line in do-gooder s.e.x.'

'You should rent yourself out.'

'I've thought about it, but if I did it on a regular basis all my clients would fall in love with me and then where would I be?'

'Loved?' I suggest.

For a moment he looks thrown. And a little bit lost. I try to un-trigger the emotion by joking, 'I have the same problem. Once a man has been with me, no other woman can compare. I mean, you're utterly smitten now, aren't you?'

'Besotted. Being with you is like a drug. You're like those cane toads they lick in South America to trip on.'

'I'm like a toad?!' I splutter.

He responds to my outrage by licking me from shoulder to ear in one slurp.

'Eurghhh! Get off!' I shudder, writhing beneath him. He continues the licking so I start tickling him. Bad idea now he's licking and tickling me. I can't bear it and squeal in a state of squirmy delirium.

'Wait!' I say, holding him away from me for a second. 'Was that the door?'

'Dunno!' He grabs me again, pulling me on top of him.

'I'd better check,' I say, wriggling out of his grasp. I pull the sheet off the bed to swathe it around myself but he pulls it back. As we indulge in a farcical tug-of-war there's another knock at the door.

'Joel!' I despair. He still won't relinquish the sheet so instead I have to make do with two of the extra-large pillows one in front, one behind so I now look like a cuddly version of a sandwich-board street walker.

'Nice look!' Joel calls after me.

When I get to the door, I have to press the back pillow against the wall in order to free up a hand to open the latch.

'Oh! Sorry!' Elliot looks absolutely mortified at the sight of me the muss of my hair and flush of my cheeks leaving him in no doubt that naked frolicking has been prematurely curtailed. 'Bad time?'

'Actually your timing is perfect,' I tell him. 'You've rescued me from death by tickling come in.'

'No, no, I'm fine. I was up early and I just wondered if you fancied getting some breakfast before you left.'

'Of course! Just give us half an hour.'

'Oh.' By the look on his face he wasn't planning on hearing the 'us' word, but he quickly composes himself. 'Okay. Well, no rush. You just ...' He waves an arm back towards the bedroom.

I close the door and take a moment to a.s.sess what I'm feeling. Half of me wants to run after him and say, 'It's not what you think! Well, actually it is but given the choice I would have rather have been you but you didn't offer and Joel did ...' And the other half is saying, 'Now you get to see how I feel every time I see you with another woman.'

Chapter 27.

'Dear G.o.d, could this be any more o.r.g.a.s.mic?' I ask, sinking my teeth into an apple crepe oozing raspberry puree.

'Well ...' Joel gives me a naughty look.

Elliot goes cross-eyed staring into the bottom of his coffee cup.

Bless him, I don't suppose he's ever witnessed Lara the s.e.x Object before. I feel a little uneasy at the level of schmaltz Joel is peddling but I know his excessive flirtation is partly just a last desperate bid to prompt a jealous outburst from Elliot. I'm hoping for something along the lines of 'Step away from the damsel! She can never be yours for she loves only me! This very morning I awoke to find my love for her soars high above the mariposa trees!'

Instead he says: 'Do you have any tomato ketchup?' and he's not even talking to me.

As the gaps allotted for Elliot to speak go unused, Joel decides to fill them.

'Do you think you'd ever do it again you know, embrace the Great Outdoors?'

I think for a moment. Not having camped out or endured a ten-mile trek I feel a bit like I've done the drive-by Disney version of wilderness I've been on all the rides but spent more time foraging in the gift shop than actually experiencing the snap of a twig underfoot.