Part 29 (1/2)
”I have never met any one who _liked_ a fog at sea, but I am not afraid.
There's no need for fear.”
Bedford smiled. He had discarded white clothing in favour of a grey suit, a cap to match was pressed down over his head, he was all grey to match the mist, even his skin seemed tinged with the same shade.
Katrine shuddered again as she looked him over.
”And you are a mist man. You look unreal, like everything else. I think I am afraid of you, too! I shall go into the ladies' room, and turn on the light, and read.”
”No!” Bedford laid his hand on her arm. ”You will not! You will sit out here with me in the fog. You can sit in the glare of electric light every day of your life, but a fog on the Indian Ocean is an experience by itself... We are going to share it together. I'm quite real, I a.s.sure you, very real. I can take care of you. Come with me!”
His hand slid through her arm, and drew her along; his head was bent over hers, she met his eyes, and felt the protest die upon her lips.
Without a word she followed where he led, took the seat pointed out, watched him draw up another, and place himself sideways before her, so as to form a s.h.i.+eld between herself and the outer world. His face seemed startlingly near to her own; his hand on the side of his chair almost touched her knees. Katrine fixed her eyes upon it with a fascinated attention. A moment ago it had rested on her arm, the electric warmth of the contact still lingered; for a reckless moment she longed to clasp it, to put it back in its place; then remembrance dawned, and she shuddered again. The world was grey, without and within, nothing but mist and gloom. Seated as they were, she and her companion seemed solitary atoms in a world of fog; to right and left nothing could be seen but dense grey walls which seemed with every moment to press more nearly. The wide deck was empty; instead of the usual babble of talk and laughter there was silence save for the regular thud of the engines, and from time to time the sound of the horn. The effect of that silence was irresistible. Involuntarily the man and woman lowered their voices, and bent nearer; pale face to pale face.
”Are you afraid still?” Bedford whispered, and Katrine shook her head.
”Not afraid. Dazed--a little, I think. It's so unreal. A world of dreams...”
”A world of dreams, and no one in it, but you and me.”
His hand was still there, and once again the mad, unreasoning impulse seized her to touch it, to grasp its support. So overmastering was the desire, that the physical effort at restraint left her faint and weak.
She leaned back in her seat, and turned her head aside, her cheeks flaming with shame. To what had she come, the reserved, well-disciplined Katrine Beverley, that she should be capable of such a thought! What had become of her modesty, her pride; had she no decency left, no loyalty towards the man who had given her his heart?
Katrine's brain formed bitter reproaches, but the vagrant heart brushed them aside. His hand! His arm! Compared to them all else was as dross. To lay her head for one hour on that broad shoulder, seemed the summit of all that life could give. She felt his eyes following her, searching her face, but dared not meet them. There had been music in the way in which he had spoken those last words; his voice had dropped to a lower note. So had Grizel's beautiful voice deepened, when she had spoken to Martin. To one who had once heard those accents, their meaning was unmistakable. He loved her, and, G.o.d help her! she loved him in return with a pa.s.sion which frightened her by its intensity. She had imagined that she was cold, that for her the raptures of love would be exchanged for a calm and moderate content; for twenty-six years she had preserved an unbroken front, and now all the stored-up forces of her nature arose and clamoured. Katrine realised with horror that her life had pa.s.sed out of her own control, and lay in the hollow of this man's hand. What he asked of her, she would grant; when he commanded, she would obey. There was no force in her to say him nay. If he claimed her, Jim Blair might go to the winds; all the world might stand on one side, and if this man beckoned from the other she would leave all to follow him... The time of self-deception was past, and with a desperate candour she faced the situation, and considered her own course of action. The only chance of safety lay in flight. Two days more, and the voyage would be over; if she could avoid Bedford for two days, there would be no more _tete-a-tetes_. Dorothea would be present, Jack, Jim Blair--all the little world of the station. Jim had promised a truce of three months. If she could avoid Bedford during that period, her instinct of loyalty would in some sort be appeased. She had promised Jim to keep an open mind for three months, and though his doom was already sealed, she shrank from the thought of putting another man in his place.
Three months' separation and waiting, and then--
”What are you thinking of?” asked Bedford's voice in her ear. So near the voice sounded, so low and gentle, that it was almost like the voice of her own heart, but for all its softness it held an insistence which compelled an answer. Katrine made a gallant effort at confession.
”I was thinking of the man to whom I am--engaged.”
”Virtually engaged!” corrected Bedford quietly. ”But they were sad thoughts to judge by your face. Why should you have sad thoughts of a good man? It would hurt him to have you think of him so, for of a certainty his chief thought is for your happiness. Shall we dismiss him for the moment?--It's lonely for me here by myself, when you wander away into dreams, and you look so wraith-like and unreal,--a typical spirit of the mist. If I were an artist I should like to paint you now. I wonder if you realise how beautiful you are?”
A glow lighted Katrine's eyes; the glow which warms the heart of every true daughter of Eve who hears herself called fair.
”Am I? I'm glad! I--I think I've grown nicer lately,” she replied ingenuously. ”At home no one admired me much; not half, not a quarter as much as they did Grizel, who is really hardly pretty at all. She used to laugh at me in the old days and say that I kept my good looks a secret, while she took people by the throat, and bullied them into admiration, but the last time she came down she said--?”
”Yes?”
”She said I had grown 'unnecessarily good looking!' and wanted to know '_Why_?' I knew!”
Katrine laughed guiltily. ”But I couldn't explain. So I was _cross_.”
Bedford looked at her searchingly. For a moment he seemed on the point of repeating Grizel's question, but he checked himself.
”You shan't be cross, and you shan't be sad, so long as I am here to manage for you!” he said confidently, and Katrine, looking at his broad shoulders and grave, purposeful face, felt with a thrill that no harm could indeed approach while this strong man was near.
The dank breath of the fog increased with every moment, driving the pa.s.sengers into the brightly-lighted saloon, but to Katrine there was a glorious exhilaration in the darkness and the solitude. She realised that in time to come she would look back upon these moments, and treasure them in her heart. When her only meetings with Bedford should be in the crowded festivities of the little station, the isolation of this hour in the fog would live enshrined in memory, to be recalled with a pa.s.sion of longing.
Silence fell, a silence caused not by poverty of thought, but by thought so charged with import that it dared not risk expression. Katrine felt with a certainty beyond argument that the longing of her own heart was echoed throb for throb, ache for ache by the heart by her side; that even as she desired with a pa.s.sionate intensity to touch Bedford's hand, and feel the embrace of his arms, so with an ever greater intensity did he also yearn for her. Such convictions are above reason. They are the language of the heart, which to sensitive souls is stronger than that of the lips. As the silence lengthened so did the mental communion grow and deepen, until with each second it appeared inevitable that speech must follow. Already with a mutual impulse they had faced each other, already the two hands had stretched out, when suddenly Bedford turned his head, raising it high, with a gesture alert, questioning, the action of a sentry, threatened with danger. Through the fog Katrine caught the pose, and felt a sympathetic thrill of anxiety. She reared her own head,--could it be fancy that her ear caught a new and unfamiliar sound?