Part 22 (1/2)
”Are you a--hic----”
Somers was not a ”hic;” but he was an impatient young man, and very anxious to be instructed in regard to his difficult and dangerous mission.
”Are you a minister of the gospel?” demanded the general, after a mighty effort.
”No, sir; I am not.”
”I'm sorry for--hic--for that; for I wanted to appoint you a division chaplain, to preach against whiskey to the general officers. Some of them are--hic--drunken fellows, and no more fit for a command than the old topers in the streets of Richmond.”
”I am sorry I am not competent to fill the office; but I think, if you should lecture them yourself, it would have a better effect.”
”My words are--hic--powerless. They laugh when I talk to them about the error of their ways,” added he with a string of oaths, which seemed to exhibit a further necessity for a chaplain on the division staff.
”I beg your pardon, sir; but I am afraid your interest in the moral welfare of your officers----”
”That is it, young man!” interrupted the drunken general, catching at his idea with remarkable promptness. ”My interest in the moral welfare of my--hic--of my officers! You are a trump, young man [big oath]. You are a major now?”
”No, sir.”
”Only a captain?”
”No, sir; nothing but a private.”
”Then you shall be a captain. I haven't heard any such--hic--sentiments as you expressed used in this division before. You ought to be a--hic--a brigadier-general.”
”Thank you, sir. You are very kind. I came to you for instructions in regard to my mission over to the enemy.”
”Bless me! yes; so you did. Well, I have not written them yet.”
”I only want a pa.s.s from you, general, with such verbal instructions as you may please to give me.”
”So you do; the fact of it is, my interest in the moral welfare of my men had driven the matter out of my mind.”
The general called an orderly; and Somers was sent off to the adjutant for the pa.s.s, which was given to him under the name he had a.s.sumed. When he returned, the general was sound asleep on his camp-stool, rolling about like a s.h.i.+p in a gale, with a prospect of soon landing at full length on _terra firma_. Somers would gladly have received some military information from the general, who was in a condition to tell all he knew; which, however, could not have been much, under the circ.u.mstances. He concluded that it would be best for him not to awaken the tipsy moralist; and, after waiting a short time on the spot to avoid suspicion, he joined Major Platner, who was smoking his cigar under a tree near the headquarters.
”Well, young man, did you obtain your instructions?”
”Yes; all I require.”
”Perhaps we ought to have seen the general before dinner,” added the major, using the remark as a ”feeler” to induce his companion to inform him what had transpired during the interview.
”Perhaps it would have been more agreeable to the general. However, he seemed to be in a very talkative mood.”
”He commonly is after dinner.”
”He is a very jovial, good fellow.”
”Very.”