Part 16 (1/2)

Jess instantly flashed on that kiss in his office only days earlier. Rye was so right. If he had any real self-control he'd never have let Caroline climb into his lap and fit herself so perfectly against him. He'd never have... Suddenly something that Rye said 153.

p.r.i.c.ked Jesse. He jerked out of his reverie, asking sharply, ”What?”

Rye lifted an open palm. ”I said, you know what it's like. You were in love once. You've been married, after all.”

Jesse literally reeled. He put out a hand to steady himself, flattening his palm against the wall. Kay, not Caroline. Rye, naturally, was referring to Jesse's late wife. But Jesse had thought only of Caroline. Appalled with himself, he could find no way to cover his distress. Rye clamped a hand down over his shoulder.

”Jesse, what is it? What's wrong?”

Jesse shook his head. ”I-It's nothing. I thought you were talking about something else.”

Rye's grip tightened, then fell away. ”Kara's right then. She said something was going on with you and Caroline even before we saw that sweater.”

Jesse made himself stand a little straighter, speak a little lighter. ”Caroline's just a girl,” he said. ”She has a crush. She'll get over it.”

”A crush,” Rye echoed. ”Caroline doesn't seem the type for that to me. She's too mature for it.”

”Mature!” Jesse exclaimed, scoffing. ”She's just twenty-one, and I mean just as of last month!”

”Age doesn't always relate to maturity,” Rye said carefully, ”and I think it's more mutual than you want me to believe it is.”

Jesse laughed, or tried to. It was a pretty miserable attempt. ”She's too young,” he said harshly, but Rye shook his head. -. ”I don't think so.”

Jesse stared at his brother in the half-light. He couldn't believe his ears. Rye might as well have said that he approved of Jesse and Caroline as a couple. ”Love has turned your brain to mush, little brother,” he said flatly, and Rye laughed.

”Probably. G.o.d knows I love Kara. I never knew what it meant, Jess, to love someone like this.”

** And you think I do. Dismayed, Jesse threw an arm around his brother's shoulder. It was both the shame and the tragedy of his life that he didn't know what it meant to love as Rye did, never had-and never would. But that was his personal cross to bear.

”I'm glad for you, Rye,” he said huskily, ”and this new 154.

baby's a huge blessing, no matter when conception took place. Don't you worry if it comes a little early, just love your family with all your heart, and everything will be fine.”

Rye actually seemed relieved. He relaxed a little: His smile grew a little wider, He threw his own arm up over Jesse's shoulder, and together they went back down to the celebration, arm in arm. Jesse hoped that Rye would never know how very much he envied him, how empty and pointless his own life seemed by comparison. He hoped no one ever knew, for he didn't deserve the pity such knowledge would bring. He didn't deserve what Rye had, and no one knew it better than him.

Chapter Ten.

Oo the problem is that he thinks you're too young,” Kara said, shaking her head. ”Well, these Wagner men are nothing if not hardheaded, but take it from me, there's hope for them.”

”I can see that,” Caroline said. ”Rye adores you.”

”It's mutual,” Kara replied, dropping down into the rocker. ”But it always was, and it still took him some time to come around, which goes right to my point. Give Jesse some time. The feeling's there, I'd bet on it. He just has to work his way around to it. It's funny, though, because these brothers are so different.”

”How so?” Caroline asked, sitting down on the side of the bed.

Kara took some time to marshal her thoughts. ”Rye's a complicated sort, real emotional and not very comfortable with it- but growing more so as time goes by. He internalizes everything, just swallows it down and buries it deep. Jesse's more easygoing, more open. And then there's the difference in the first marriages, too. Rye was hurt real bad. Truth is, I guess they hurt each other real bad. From what I can tell, the marriage was a disappointment to them both. She saw him as her ticket off the reservation. He 157.

156.

cared for her, his best friend's cousin, but it wasn't what it should've been. Frankly, he said that it-s.e.x-was like making love to his sister. I can imagine how that made her feel. Anyway, she started sleeping around. The whole thing was just a terrible mistake, and Di'wana's illness forced them both to face up to it, make a kind of peace with it. But Jesse's story is just the opposite.”

”Someone once told me that he was still in love with his late wife,” Caroline said, her head bowed.

Kara rocked back and forth thoughtfully. ''Maybe. But it's been nearly ten years since Kay died. Looks like he'd be ready to get on with his life by now, even given the tragic circ.u.mstances.”

”What do you mean? How did she die? You seem to know.”

Kara nodded. ”Rye told me. She and Jesse were out to dinner at some romantic little place up in die mountains. It was springtime, and a storm came up, a real bad one, apparently. It knocked out the electricity. Anyway, what they didn't know was that it had blown down a power pole in the parking area. I guess there were mud puddles everywhere, and so she took off her shoes. She stepped into a puddle with a live wire lying in it.”

”Dear G.o.d,” Caroline whispered. Kara nodded understanding of her feelings.

”Apparently they were holding hands,” Kara went on. ”Jesse was wearing rubber soled boots, but the jolt knocked him off his feet, anyway, and their hands were like burned together or something. The ambulance attendant told Rye that he had to pry diem apart.”

Caroline sucked in a deep breath, arms folded across her middle. No wonder it had taken Jesse such a long time to get over her death. It must have been horrible for him to lose her like that. ”Poor Jesse,” she whispered.

”Caroline, it was a long time ago,” Kara pointed out. ”And I've seen the way he looks at you when he doesn't think anyone is watching. It must be just this age thing.”

Caroline slumped in mock defeat. She hoped dial was the only problem, not that it solved anything. ”I still don't know what to do about it,” she said. Looking down at herself, she tugged dispiritedly at the baggy white sweater that she wore over a black turtleneck and die familiar old matching leggings: ”Maybe I should be dressing more maturely.”

”I don't know,” Kara quipped. ”Maybe you should do the opposite. My mother says that nothing ages a woman more than dressing too young.”

Caroline sighed. ”She's probably right. Think footed jammies would make die point in my case?” she quipped wryly.

Kara laughed at the idea. ”I'm not sure I'd go that far.” Suddenly she narrowed her eyes at Caroline. ”Maybe we shouldn't be coming at this from the direction of age at all. It's not something I could pull off myself, but on you a plunging neckline and a short skirt might make the impression you're after.”

Unbidden, memories came to Caroline. Suddenly she was see-i ing Jesse and the way he had looked at her the day she'd worn tile too-small flannel s.h.i.+rt. She felt his hand at her breast and between her legs, pressing against her, his moudi meeting hers hungrily. She s.h.i.+vered with remembered sensation so delicious that her tongue darted out to taste him on her lips. That little action jolted her back to die moment, and she glanced selfconsciously at Kara, who seemed to have noticed nothing untoward. Caroline lifted an eyebrow in consideration. It couldn't hurt to kind of ”showcase the equipment,” as her modier would say. Could it? She supposed she could always try it die other way. Anklets and petticoats, maybe? She shook her head. Ridiculous was not die effect she was after. Decided now, she looked at Kara. ”Irene would be proud,” she muttered drily.

Kara shook her head. ”You'll have to explain that.”

Caroline smiled. ”My mother is die queen of provocative dressing, and I'm about to put to die test everydiing she ever taught me by example.”

Grinning, Kara slid to the edge of her seat. ”Well, let's see what you've learned.”

Laughing, Caroline went to throw open the doors of die wardrobe. Soon they were rummaging through her dresser drawers, too, happily planning a wardrobe to make Jesse Wagner sweat bullets.

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”Man, I'm almost sorry I even brought it up,” Rye muttered.

Jesse pulled his gaze away from Caroline long enough to glance at his brother. ”What?”

”I said, I'm almost sorry I even brought up the clinic now.”

”Uh-hiih.”