Part 10 (1/2)

”She's dead,” the man said harshly.

Somehow Luke had known without wanting to know. He still stumbled backwards, in shock. He b.u.mped into the couch and sagged into it.

”No,” he said. ”Not Jen. No. You're lying.”

His ears roared. He thought crazy things. This is a dream.

A nightmare. I will make myself wake up. He remembered Jen talking a mile a minute, gesturing wildly. How could she be dead? He tried to picture her lying still, not moving. Dead. It was impossible.

The man was shaking his head helplessly. ”I'd give anything to have her back,” he whispered. ”But it's true. I saw. They gave us... they gave us the body. Special privilege for a Government official.” His voice was so bitter, Luke could barely listen. ”And we couldn't even bury her in the family plot. Couldn't take a bereavement day off work. Couldn't tell anyone why we're going around with red eyes and aching hearts. No”we just had to pretend to be the same old family of four we'd always been.”

”How?” Luke asked. ”How did she... die?” He was thinking, if the car had wrecked, it wouldn't be so bad. Or maybe it had nothing to do with the rally. Maybe she just got really sick.

”They shot her,” Jen's father said. ”They shot all of them. All forty kids at the rally, gunned down right in front of the president's house. The blood flowed into his rose-bushes. But they had the sidewalks scrubbed before the tourists came, so n.o.body would know.”

Luke started shaking his head no, and couldn't stop. ”But Jen said there'd be too many people to shoot. She said there'd be a thousand,” Luke protested, as if Jen's words could change what he was hearing.

”Our Jen had too much faith in the bravery of her fellow hidden,” Jen's father said.

Luke flinched. ”I told her I couldn't go,” he said. ”I told her! It's not my fault!”

”No,” Jen's dad said quietly. ”And you couldn't have stopped her. It's not your fault. There are plenty of other people who deserve the blame. They probably would have shot a thousand. Or fifteen thousand. They don't care.”

His face twisted. Luke thought he had never seen such pain, not even the time Matthew dropped a sledgehammer on his foot. Tears began to spill down Jen's father's face.

”What I don't understand is”why did she do this, this Children's Crusade? She wasn't stupid. We'd been warning her about the Population Police all her life. Did she really think the rally would work?” he said.

”Yes,” Luke a.s.sured him. Then, unbidden, the last words she'd spoken to him came back to him: We can hope”after she'd told him hope was worthless. Maybe she knew the rally would fail. Maybe she even knew she would probably die. He remembered the first day he'd met her, when she'd cut her hand to cover the drops of his blood on the carpet. There was something strange in Jen he couldn't quite understand, that made her willing to sacrifice herself to help others. Or to try to.

”I think at first she thought the rally would work,” Luke told Jen's dad. ”And then, even when she wasn't sure... she still had to go. She wouldn't call it off.”

”Why?” Jen's dad asked. He was sobbing. ”Did she want to die?”

”No,” Luke said. ”She wanted to live. Not die. Not hide. Live.”

The words played over and over again in his brain: ”Not hide. Live. Not hide. Live.” As long as he held on to them, he felt like Jen was there. She'd just left the room for a minute, to get more potato chips, maybe, and soon she'd be back to lecture him again about how they both deserved a better life than hiding. He could believe it was her voice echoing in his ears.

But if he let go, let the words stop for a minute, he was lost. He felt like the whole world was spinning away from him, and he was all alone. He wanted to cry out, ”Jen! Come back!””as if she could hear him, and stop the spinning, and come to him.

As if from a great distance, Luke heard Jen's father heave a sigh and blow his nose in a businesslike way.

”You may not be ready to hear this,” he said. ”But””

Dizzily, Luke raised his head and listened halfheartedly.

”When you logged into that chat room,” Jen's father said, ”a buzzer went off in a room in Population Police headquarters. They're monitoring the chat room very closely”they found it after the rally. I've managed to...uh, cover up things about Jen, but they'll trace your message back to our computer. The Population Police are backlogged right now, following leads from the rally, so I should have a day or two to come up with a plausible-sounding explanation. But if they investigate too carefully, you may be in danger.”

”More than usual?” Luke said sarcastically.

Jen's dad took the question seriously.

”Yes. They will begin actively looking for you. They'll search every house around this one. It wouldn't take them long to find you.”

A chill ran down Luke's spine. So he would die, just like Jen. Or not like her”she had gone bravely. He would be caught like a mouse in its hole.

”But if you'll let me,” Jen's dad continued, ”I can get you a fake I.D. You can be miles away before they come looking.”

”You would do that for me?” Luke asked. ”Why?”

”Because of Jen.”

”But”how?”

”I have connections. You see””Jen's dad hesitated””I work for the Population Police.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT.

Luke began screaming and couldn't stop. Suddenly his brain didn't seem to have any control whatsoever over what his body did. He felt his legs spring up and propel him toward Jen's dad. He saw his own hand grab for the gun and wrestle it away. He heard a voice he barely recognized as his own scream, again and again, ”No! No! No!”

”Stop!” Jen's dad yelled. ”Stop, you little fool, before you get us both killed””

Somehow, the gun was in Luke's hand. Jen's dad lunged at him, and Luke could picture Jen's dad tackling him, just as Jen had tackled him all those months ago. But this time Luke stepped to the side at the last moment, and Jen's dad crashed uselessly into the far wall. Luke pointed the gun at him and struggled to hold it steady.

Jen's dad turned around slowly.

”You can shoot me,” he said, holding his hands helplessly up in the air. ”I might even welcome the chance to stop missing Jen. But it would be a mistake. I swear to you, in the name of everything that's sacred”in Jen's name” I'm on your side.”

Jen's dad stared into Luke's eyes, waiting. Luke felt a surge of pride that he'd gotten the upper hand, that he had earned the right to decide what happened next. But how could he know what was right? Surely Jen's own father wouldn't lie in her name. Would he?

Luke squeezed his eyes shut. Then he lowered the gun to his side.

”Good,” Jen's dad said, audibly releasing his breath.

Luke let Jen's dad walk toward him, gently take the gun, and lay it on the desk.

”I was going to explain,” Jen's dad said, panting a little. He sat down. ”I only work at Population Police headquarters. I don't agree with what they do. I try to sabotage them as much as I can. Jen never understood, either” sometimes you have to work from inside enemy lines.”

Jen's dad talked and talked and talked. Luke thought he was repeating everything he said two or three times, but that was okay, because Luke's brain was functioning so slowly, he needed the extra help.

”Do you know much history?” Jen's dad asked.

Luke tried to remember if there were any history books among his family's collection in the attic. Did adventure stories of long ago count?

”Just”” He cleared his throat ”Just from the books Jen loaned me.”