Part 6 (1/2)

”Hey, I was going to spring for the real b.u.t.ter for the popcorn. I was willing to spare no expense. I wasn't looking for a cheap lay, just an easy one.”

”You guys are pigs,” Kelsie said without looking up from her magazine.

”If you wanted an easy lay, you should have asked Hailey out,” Tristan said. ”If she'll do a townie, then I guess she'll do anyone.”

My heart stopped beating. I couldn't believe he had just said that. Everyone looked embarra.s.sed, but no one spoke up to defend me.

”I don't think it's fair that we all have to be on restriction just because of what she did,” one of the soph.o.m.ore girls said.

Kelsie whacked the girl on the back of the head with her magazine. ”You should stay out of it. What do you care about restriction? You weren't going anyplace.”

The soph.o.m.ore blushed and looked down at her lap. I felt like pumping my fist in the air. You tell that stupid lip-glossed silver-eye-shadowed freak, Kels! You tell that stupid lip-glossed silver-eye-shadowed freak, Kels! That girl would have licked my shoes clean a week ago if I had asked her to. How dare she suddenly plop down in my group of friends and judge me. That girl would have licked my shoes clean a week ago if I had asked her to. How dare she suddenly plop down in my group of friends and judge me.

”I still can't believe . . .” Tristan's voice trailed off. His jaw thrust forward, and I knew that meant he was fighting back tears. Suddenly I forgave him for what he'd said. He was hurt and was trying to lash out. I wanted to rush into the room and throw my arms around him and tell him that everything would be okay and that we could work through this.

Kelsie leaned over and gently laid her hand on the side of Tristan's face. He pressed his hand to hers and closed his eyes. It felt like a knife sliding between my ribs to stab my heart. I knew she was just trying to comfort him, but it felt too intimate, too personal. Then I hated myself for thinking anything bad about Kelsie, when she was the only one who had stood up for me since everything had happened.

I didn't want to be there anymore. There was no way I could sit down and act like things were going to be okay. I needed to get out of there. I took a step back and stepped into nothingness.

My arms spun around trying to regain my balance. I must have been closer to the top of the stairs than I'd thought. For a split second I thought I was going to be okay, but then my ankle rolled to the side and I fell.

I screamed as I bounced down the stairs. I rolled down like a tumbleweed, my feet slamming against the wall as I went. I saw flashes of red carpet runner as I spun, and I prayed that I wouldn't break anything.

When I finally hit the bottom of the stairs, my head was throbbing and I had torn a hole in my yoga pants. I could hear people rus.h.i.+ng to see what had happened. I tried to sit up, and winced when I put my hand on the floor to prop myself up. It felt like I must have sprained my wrist. In addition to the two nails I had broken cleaning cla.s.srooms today, now my pinky nail was sheared off and bleeding. I heard someone gasp, and I looked up. At the top of the stairs Tristan, Joel, and Kelsie were looking down at me.

”Ms. Kendrick,” a voice said. I spun around to see Mr. Harrington standing in the lobby. ”How nice of you to drop by.”

15.

Mr. Harrington helped me to my feet. I was shaking from the shot of adrenaline. Everything hurt. It felt like I had been run over by a truck, but I was pretty sure no permanent damage had been done. I looked over each of my limbs. The crowd of soccer players from the lobby was jockeying for position. They seemed disappointed that I didn't appear to have broken anything, my brain wasn't leaking out my ears, and my s.h.i.+rt hadn't popped off. They would have been happy with either guts or b.o.o.bs, but this wasn't as interesting as they had hoped.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that if you do something embarra.s.sing like fall down the stairs in front of a group of people, you are required to act like you are fine, even if you aren't. Your arm could have a bone jutting out, and you would still try to laugh it off as if everything were hunky dory. This compound fracture? It's nothing! I like to let my bones out of my body once in a while for fresh air. It's good for them. This compound fracture? It's nothing! I like to let my bones out of my body once in a while for fresh air. It's good for them.

”I'm fine,” I said, trying to give Mr. Harrington the impression that nothing important had happened and he didn't need to call Ms. Estes. She played by the book. She would require me to go to the hospital to make sure I didn't have a brain bleed or anything that could be blamed on her. If there were painful medical tests I would have to undergo, she'd love it even more. With my luck she would insist on sleeping in my room so she could wake me up every ten minutes in case I had a concussion. I took a step back from Mr. Harrington so that he could see I wasn't going to fall over. He pulled a Kleenex from his pocket and handed it to me. He motioned with his hand to my mouth. I touched my lip with the Kleenex and saw a bright bloom of red appear. One of my teeth must have cut my lip. Great.

I looked back to the top of the stairs. Tristan was starting to back away. Joel's mouth was hanging open in shock. He couldn't have looked more surprised if he had found the tooth fairy lying sprawled at the bottom of his staircase. He looked down at me and then over at Tristan, as if he weren't sure what might happen.

”Tristan, wait.” I started up the stairs after him, wincing and adding an ankle strain to the list of injuries. I slipped between Kelsie and Joel at the top.

”What are you doing here?” Kelsie whispered as I went past.

I didn't bother to answer. I kept my focus on Tristan, who was still walking away. The two soph.o.m.ore girls were standing in the hall, thrilled to have a front row view of this action. I was surprised they didn't pull out popcorn and Team Tristan T-s.h.i.+rts.

”Stop.” I grabbed the back of Tristan's sweater. He whirled around, and I took a quick step back.

”What do you want?” he asked in a hard, flat voice.

”I need to talk to you,” I said.

Tristan laughed, and the sound was harsh, nearly barking. ”You know what I need? I need to know that I can trust the people in my life. I need to know my girlfriend of four years hasn't been s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g around on me. I need to know when someone is talking to me that they're telling me the truth.”

”I'll tell you the truth.”

”Who was the guy?”

”I can't tell you that.”

Tristan shook his head, crossing his arms in front of his chest. ”Well, that's great. This has been a really useful conversation.”

”That's not what's important. It doesn't matter who it was. What matters is that it didn't mean anything. It never should have happened, and if I could take it back, I would. I can tell you that it never happened before that night and it wouldn't have happened if I hadn't been in some sort of crazy state.” I whirled my hands around my head to indicate just how nuts I was.

”How do you live with knowing what you did? I would never have done something like that to you. Never.”

I looked down at my feet. He was right. He wouldn't have. Given the circles his parents traveled in and the fact that he was both good-looking and rich, Tristan was always surrounded by girls who wanted him. They'd flirt with him when I was standing right there, and he always brushed them off. He wasn't someone who didn't have opportunity; he was someone who didn't have that kind of motivation.

”I am so sorry. I'm more sorry than I've ever been in my life. I don't mind being on restriction and having to clean the school. I can even live with the fact that everyone's mad at me, but I hate that I hurt you.”

”Do you love this guy?”

”No! He means nothing. The kiss meant nothing.”

Tristan looked me straight in the eyes, his stare pinning me to the ground. ”That makes it worse, you know. I know you think that somehow it will make me feel better, but it doesn't. You threw away everything, and it wasn't even for someone who mattered.”

Tristan turned and went into his room, shutting the door behind him. I turned and faced Joel and Kelsie, who were standing behind me.

”Wow. The guy didn't mean anything to you? That's good to know,” Joel said.

I closed my eyes. I seemed to be incapable of making anything go right. ”That's not what I meant. This is complicated.”

”You don't owe me any explanations.” He moved past me to join Tristan in their room.

”You have a wad of Kleenex stuck to your lip,” Kelsie said, breaking the silence. ”What's stuck up Joel's a.s.s with the whole thing? Why does he think he deserves a bio on the guy?”

I started to cry. I wasn't making a sound, but my shoulders were shaking from the sobs. Kelsie stepped in and hugged me, letting me bury my face in her hair. My ankle and wrist were throbbing with pain, and the metallic taste of blood filled my mouth.

”What are you staring at?” Kelsie said over my shoulder to the soph.o.m.ore girls. ”Get a life. Go do something else somewhere else.”

I could hear the girls scuttle off, whispering as they went. They would spread the news of my graceful fall down the stairs and my fight with Tristan to the rest of the student body faster than any emergency broadcast system. With the way things were going for me, they would act it out so that everyone could have the full experience.

”I want to go home,” I whispered.

”Let's go.” Kelsie grabbed her Vogue Vogue off the sofa and started to lead me back to our dorm. off the sofa and started to lead me back to our dorm.

When I'd said ”home” I hadn't meant the dorm. I'd meant someplace that didn't even exist anymore. The house I used to have with my mom and dad had been sold. My dad's apartment had never been home to me. He'd never asked me what I wanted. Instead he'd had a decorator design a room for me. It was purple. I hate purple. I was a guest. A guest who didn't even rank having the guest room to myself, since my dad kept his treadmill in there too, as if my room were more of a storage closet.