Part 36 (1/2)

The more socially elevated position is held by Ladies of the Bedchamber, who are married to peers. The Ladies are chosen for purely personal qualities and attend to the Queen Mother on specific public occasions. The Women of the Bedchamber work full-time s.h.i.+fts of two weeks at a time and attend to personal needs such as shopping and answering letters. The more socially elevated position is held by Ladies of the Bedchamber, who are married to peers. The Ladies are chosen for purely personal qualities and attend to the Queen Mother on specific public occasions. The Women of the Bedchamber work full-time s.h.i.+fts of two weeks at a time and attend to personal needs such as shopping and answering letters.

* ”The Duke of Edinburgh is a useless, reactionary, arrogant parasite,” said Arthur Latham, a Labor MP. ”He's the most well-paid social security claimant in Britain simply for being his wife's husband.” ”The Duke of Edinburgh is a useless, reactionary, arrogant parasite,” said Arthur Latham, a Labor MP. ”He's the most well-paid social security claimant in Britain simply for being his wife's husband.”

The Queen also used the word ”common” as an indictment. She applied it with disdain to the actor who had played the role of King George VI in The Queen also used the word ”common” as an indictment. She applied it with disdain to the actor who had played the role of King George VI in Edward VIII and Mrs. Simpson, Edward VIII and Mrs. Simpson, the television series. ”Andrew Ray,” said Her Majesty, ”is far too common to have played my father.” the television series. ”Andrew Ray,” said Her Majesty, ”is far too common to have played my father.”

* The Queen and Prince Philip refer to the six-foot blond Princess as ”Our Val” because of her strong resemblance to the Valkyries, warrior maidens of German myth. The Queen and Prince Philip refer to the six-foot blond Princess as ”Our Val” because of her strong resemblance to the Valkyries, warrior maidens of German myth.

When asked by a magazine what he would give his worst enemy for Christmas, Viscount Linley (son of Lord Snowdon and Princess Margaret) quipped, ”Dinner with Princess Michael.”

* In 1994 the Queen's footman was paid $12,000 a year, plus a two-room apartment. In 1994 the Queen's footman was paid $12,000 a year, plus a two-room apartment.

* Historians praised the Queen for her progressive ”pee” signs, pointing out that her predecessor Queen Elizabeth I had been so backward that she'd refused to grant a patent for a water closet because she felt it would encourage impropriety. Historians praised the Queen for her progressive ”pee” signs, pointing out that her predecessor Queen Elizabeth I had been so backward that she'd refused to grant a patent for a water closet because she felt it would encourage impropriety.

* Mountbatten fretted about the negative impression forming over the Queen's fortune. In 1972 he wrote to Prince Philip: ”Unless you can get an informed reply published [in an establishment paper like the Mountbatten fretted about the negative impression forming over the Queen's fortune. In 1972 he wrote to Prince Philip: ”Unless you can get an informed reply published [in an establishment paper like the Times Times ] making just one point, the image of the monarchy will be gravely damaged. It is true that there is a fortune, which is very big, but the overwhelming proportion (85%?) is in pictures, objets d'art, furniture, etc. in the three State-owned palaces. The Queen can't sell any of them, they bring in no income. So will you both please believe a loving old uncle and NOT your const.i.tutional advisers, and do it.” He did not do it. ] making just one point, the image of the monarchy will be gravely damaged. It is true that there is a fortune, which is very big, but the overwhelming proportion (85%?) is in pictures, objets d'art, furniture, etc. in the three State-owned palaces. The Queen can't sell any of them, they bring in no income. So will you both please believe a loving old uncle and NOT your const.i.tutional advisers, and do it.” He did not do it.

* So great was fear of public anger over the abdication that on the night of King Edward VIII's farewell address to the nation in 1936, the sentries guarding Buckingham Palace were issued live ammunition for the first time in history. So great was fear of public anger over the abdication that on the night of King Edward VIII's farewell address to the nation in 1936, the sentries guarding Buckingham Palace were issued live ammunition for the first time in history.

* The separation statement was issued from Kensington Palace because it is Princess Margaret's home, and according to royal protocol, she is the head of her family. The separation statement was issued from Kensington Palace because it is Princess Margaret's home, and according to royal protocol, she is the head of her family.

* Although relations between the Queen and Mountbatten had always been warm, one subject caused them to cool: j.a.pan. In 1971 Her Majesty invited Emperor Hirohito to Britain for a state visit. And she restored the seventy-four-year-old Mikado to the Order of the Garter. He had been stripped of it after j.a.panese forces attacked the Allies in 1941. His visit made Mountbatten furious. He was further enraged in 1975 when the Queen made a state visit to j.a.pan. ”You should have waited until I was dead,” he told her. Although relations between the Queen and Mountbatten had always been warm, one subject caused them to cool: j.a.pan. In 1971 Her Majesty invited Emperor Hirohito to Britain for a state visit. And she restored the seventy-four-year-old Mikado to the Order of the Garter. He had been stripped of it after j.a.panese forces attacked the Allies in 1941. His visit made Mountbatten furious. He was further enraged in 1975 when the Queen made a state visit to j.a.pan. ”You should have waited until I was dead,” he told her.

Mountbatten, who had fought the j.a.panese for more than three years and served as Supreme Allied Commander, Southeast Asia, never forgave j.a.pan its wartime savagery. But the Queen pointed to the pa.s.sage of time since hostilities ended and what she saw as the need for reconciliation. ”The Emperor is an old man now, d.i.c.kie,” she said. Mountbatten snorted. ”He's a doddering, incompetent old fascist.”

* Raine's husband, Gerald Dartmouth, filed for divorce on May 29, 1976, and threatened to name Johnny Spencer for alienation of affections. When Raine admitted to adultery, her husband deleted Spencer's name from the public doc.u.ment and cited him only as ”the man against whom the charge has not been proved.” Raine's husband, Gerald Dartmouth, filed for divorce on May 29, 1976, and threatened to name Johnny Spencer for alienation of affections. When Raine admitted to adultery, her husband deleted Spencer's name from the public doc.u.ment and cited him only as ”the man against whom the charge has not been proved.”

* During a 1980 trip to New York, Raine corrected an American journalist who described her as the Countess of Spencer. Raine explained that she reflected her husband's t.i.tle and he was the Earl Spencer, not the Earl During a 1980 trip to New York, Raine corrected an American journalist who described her as the Countess of Spencer. Raine explained that she reflected her husband's t.i.tle and he was the Earl Spencer, not the Earl of of Spencer. She said that earls whose names are part of their t.i.tle count for more socially than earls named for a place. Spencer. She said that earls whose names are part of their t.i.tle count for more socially than earls named for a place.

* In March 1980 In March 1980 Private Eye Private Eye published an item about Andrew Parker Bowles on duty without his wife, who elected to stay in England: ”Andrew, 39, is married to a former (?) Prince Charles fancy, Camilla Shand, and if I should find the royal Aston Martin Volante outside the Parker Bowles mansion while the gallant Colonel is on duty overseas, my duty will be clear.” The next month the published an item about Andrew Parker Bowles on duty without his wife, who elected to stay in England: ”Andrew, 39, is married to a former (?) Prince Charles fancy, Camilla Shand, and if I should find the royal Aston Martin Volante outside the Parker Bowles mansion while the gallant Colonel is on duty overseas, my duty will be clear.” The next month the Daily Mail Daily Mail reported that Prince Charles was to preside over the Zimbabwe independence celebrations. His official escort was ”old flame, Mrs. Camilla Parker Bowles.” Noting that Andrew Parker Bowles would be in England, the report said: ”Buckingham Palace officials have always been happy to see Charles in the company of happily married women because such sightings cannot give rise to rumour.” reported that Prince Charles was to preside over the Zimbabwe independence celebrations. His official escort was ”old flame, Mrs. Camilla Parker Bowles.” Noting that Andrew Parker Bowles would be in England, the report said: ”Buckingham Palace officials have always been happy to see Charles in the company of happily married women because such sightings cannot give rise to rumour.”

* The nude photos of Diana were offered for sale in 1993 by a German magazine but were withdrawn and given to her. ”They have no journalistic relevance for us,” said the editor, ”and could only be used to satisfy voyeurism.” The nude photos of Diana were offered for sale in 1993 by a German magazine but were withdrawn and given to her. ”They have no journalistic relevance for us,” said the editor, ”and could only be used to satisfy voyeurism.”

* No other Prince of Wales since Charles II, three hundred years earlier, took so long to make up his mind about getting married. Only two others-James Stuart and Henry V from even earlier times-were still unmarried at the age of thirty. No other Prince of Wales since Charles II, three hundred years earlier, took so long to make up his mind about getting married. Only two others-James Stuart and Henry V from even earlier times-were still unmarried at the age of thirty.

* By 1996 only Prince Rainier of Monaco and King Bhumibol Adulyadej of Thailand had reigned longer than Queen Elizabeth II. By 1996 only Prince Rainier of Monaco and King Bhumibol Adulyadej of Thailand had reigned longer than Queen Elizabeth II.

* Writing in the Writing in the Daily Telegraph Daily Telegraph in 1993, Alastair Forbes challenged the royal denial and said the authenticity of the taped conversations had been ”proved to me beyond doubt, despite the Palace's glib denial.” in 1993, Alastair Forbes challenged the royal denial and said the authenticity of the taped conversations had been ”proved to me beyond doubt, despite the Palace's glib denial.”

* Years later, after his retirement, the former Archbishop confided to his biographer that the Prince of Wales was severely depressed before his marriage because he was in love with another woman. He also described Diana as a ”schemer.” Years later, after his retirement, the former Archbishop confided to his biographer that the Prince of Wales was severely depressed before his marriage because he was in love with another woman. He also described Diana as a ”schemer.”

* The bride was allowed to invite one hundred people and her parents fifty. The bridegroom was allotted three hundred invitations, which he distributed to his beloved nanny, Mabel Anderson; former girlfriends like Sabrina Guinness and Susan George; and, of course, his mistress, Camilla Parker Bowles, and her husband, Andrew Parker Bowles. The bride was allowed to invite one hundred people and her parents fifty. The bridegroom was allotted three hundred invitations, which he distributed to his beloved nanny, Mabel Anderson; former girlfriends like Sabrina Guinness and Susan George; and, of course, his mistress, Camilla Parker Bowles, and her husband, Andrew Parker Bowles.

* ”John Bowes-Lyon had to apologize to Diana when it appeared in print that she was frothing at the mouth for a few seconds,” said columnist Taki Theodoracopulos in 1993. ”She has a slight disease that resembles epilepsy, which John Bowes-Lyon knew from the Queen Mother. He told me about it and I, of course, told Nigel [Dempster], who, like the dumb s.h.i.+t he is, used it in his book [ ”John Bowes-Lyon had to apologize to Diana when it appeared in print that she was frothing at the mouth for a few seconds,” said columnist Taki Theodoracopulos in 1993. ”She has a slight disease that resembles epilepsy, which John Bowes-Lyon knew from the Queen Mother. He told me about it and I, of course, told Nigel [Dempster], who, like the dumb s.h.i.+t he is, used it in his book [ Behind Palace Doors, Behind Palace Doors, written in 1993 with Peter Evans]. When the book came out, John had to write a note to Diana, saying, 'I apologize and I had nothing to do with that.' ” written in 1993 with Peter Evans]. When the book came out, John had to write a note to Diana, saying, 'I apologize and I had nothing to do with that.' ”

* Months later the Princess was pregnant and announced her news to the royal family at Balmoral. The Queen ordered Champagne to celebrate. Within a week Diana had miscarried. She became pregnant a third time in 1983 and gave birth to Prince Harry on September 15, 1984. Months later the Princess was pregnant and announced her news to the royal family at Balmoral. The Queen ordered Champagne to celebrate. Within a week Diana had miscarried. She became pregnant a third time in 1983 and gave birth to Prince Harry on September 15, 1984.

* When the author called the actor in 1996 to confirm the 1985 incident, Eastwood's agent said to delete the ”made-my-day” quote: ”We don't use that line anymore.” When the author called the actor in 1996 to confirm the 1985 incident, Eastwood's agent said to delete the ”made-my-day” quote: ”We don't use that line anymore.”

* This image of Prince Andrew, as a highly eligible bachelor, appeared in This image of Prince Andrew, as a highly eligible bachelor, appeared in The Appallingly Disrespectful Spitting Image Book. The Appallingly Disrespectful Spitting Image Book. Ent.i.tled ”Hot Dog,” its caption read: ”Andy is by far the dis.h.i.+est royal, not having inherited many of the genetic disorders which mar the royal bloodline. Not for him the hump of Richard III, nor the babbling insanity of Canute but rather the legendary genitalia of Cuthbert the Ploughman (815 820) who, according to the legend, plowed a small furrow wherever he went.” Ent.i.tled ”Hot Dog,” its caption read: ”Andy is by far the dis.h.i.+est royal, not having inherited many of the genetic disorders which mar the royal bloodline. Not for him the hump of Richard III, nor the babbling insanity of Canute but rather the legendary genitalia of Cuthbert the Ploughman (815 820) who, according to the legend, plowed a small furrow wherever he went.”

* The Royal Protection Unit of Scotland Yard provides full protection to the monarch, her husband, her heir, the Queen Mother, and all the monarch's children. Partial protection is provided to some of the Queen's cousins when they are performing public duties, but not to their spouses. ”Most of the time, Prince Michael gets security,” said the former head of security, ”but The Royal Protection Unit of Scotland Yard provides full protection to the monarch, her husband, her heir, the Queen Mother, and all the monarch's children. Partial protection is provided to some of the Queen's cousins when they are performing public duties, but not to their spouses. ”Most of the time, Prince Michael gets security,” said the former head of security, ”but not not his wife.” his wife.”