Part 8 (1/2)
”If neither child nor pupil were ever wiser, nothing would ever change.”
”And most people would be very satisfied.'”
”Only those who have power,” Kaede said. ”They want to hold on to their power and position, while others see that same power and desire it. It's within all men to be ambitious, and so they make change happen. The young overthrow the old.”
”And is it within women to be ambitious?”
”No one bothers to ask them.” Her eyes returned to the painting. ”Two crows, the drake and the duck, the stag and the hind-they are always painted together, always in pairs.”
”That is the way nature intends it,” Fujiwara said. ”It is one of K'ung Fu-Tzu's five relations.h.i.+ps, after all.”
”And the only one open to women. He only sees us as wives.”
”That is what women are.”
”But surely a woman could be a ruler or a friend?” Her eyes met his.
”You are very bold for a girl,” he replied, the nearest she had seen him come to laughing. She flushed and looked again at the painting.
”Terayama is famous for its Sesshus,” Fujiwara said. ”Did you see them there?”
”Yes. Lord Otori wanted LordTakeo to see them and copy them.”
”A younger brother?”
”His adopted son.” The last thing Kaede wanted to do was to talk to Fujiwara about Takeo. She tried to think of something else to say, but all thoughts deserted her, except for the memory of the painting Takeo had given her of the little mountain bird.
”I presume he carried out the revenge? He must be very courageous. I doubt my son would do as much for me.”
”He was always very silent,” she said, longing to talk about him, yet fearing to. ”You would not think him particularly courageous. He liked drawing and painting. He turned out to be fearless.” She heard her own voice and stopped abruptly, sure she was transparent to him.
”Ah,” Fujiwara said, and looked at the painting again for a long time.
”I mustn't intrude on your affairs,” he said finally, his eyes returning to her face. ”But surely you will be married to Lord s.h.i.+geru's son.”
”There are other considerations,” she said, trying to speak lightly. ”I have land here and at Maruyama that I must lay claim to. If I go and skulk with the Otori in Hagi, I may lose all that.”
”I feel you have many secrets for someone so young,” he murmured. ”I hope one day to hear them.”
The sun was slipping toward the mountains. The shadows from the huge cedars began to stretch out toward the house.
”It is growing late,” he said. ”I am sorry to lose you but feel I must send you on your way. You will come again soon.” He wrapped up the painting and replaced it in its box. She could smell the faint fragrance of the wood and of the rue leaves placed inside to ward off insects.
”Thank you from my heart,” she said as they rose. Mamoru had returned silently to the room and now bowed deeply as she pa.s.sed by him.
”Look at her, Mamoru,” Fujiwara said. ”Watch how she walks, how she returns your bow. If you can capture that, you can call yourself an actor.”
They exchanged farewells, Lord Fujiwara himself coming out onto the veranda to see her into the palanquin and sending retainers to accompany her.
”You did well,” s.h.i.+zuka told her when they were home. ”You intrigued him.”
”He despises me,” Kaede said. She felt exhausted from the encounter.
”He despises women, but he sees you as something different.”
”Something unnatural.”
”Maybe,” s.h.i.+zuka said, laughing. ”Or something unique and rare that no one else possesses.”
5.
The following day Fujiwara sent presents for her, with an invitation to attend a performance of a play at the full moon. Kaede unwrapped two robes: one old and restrained, beautifully embroidered with pheasants and autumn gra.s.ses in gold and green on ivory-colored silk; the other new, it seemed, and more flamboyant, with deep purple and blue peonies on pale pink.
Hana and Ai came to admire them. Lord Fujiwara had also sent food, quail and sweetfish, persimmons and bean cakes. Hana, like all of them always on the edge of hunger, was deeply impressed. ”Don't touch,” Kaede scolded her. ”Your hands are dirty.” Hana's hands were stained from gathering chestnuts, but she hated anyone reprimanding her. She pulled them behind her back and stared angrily at her older sister.
”Hana,” Kaede said, trying to be gentle, ”let Ayame wash your hands, then you may look.”
Kaede's relations.h.i.+p with her younger sister was still uneasy. Privately she thought Hana had been spoiled by Ayame and Ai. She wished she could persuade her father to teach Hana, too, feeling the girl needed discipline and challenges in her life. She wanted to instill them herself, but lacked the time and the patience to do so. It was something else she would have to think about during the long winter months. Now Hana ran off to the kitchen, crying. ”I'll go to her,” Ai said.
”She is so self-willed,” Kaede said to s.h.i.+zuka. ”What is to become of her when she is so beautiful and so stubborn?” s.h.i.+zuka gave her a mocking look, but said nothing. ”What?” Kaede said. ”What do you mean?”
”She is like you, lady,” s.h.i.+zuka murmured.
”So you said before. She is luckier than I am, though.” Kaede fell silent, thinking of the difference between them. When she was Hana's age she had been alone in Noguchi Castle for over two years. Perhaps she was jealous of her sister and it was this that made her impatient. But Hana really was running wild beyond control.
She sighed, gazing on the beautiful robes, longing to feel the softness of the silk against her skin. She told s.h.i.+zuka to bring a mirror and held the older robe up to her face to see the colors against her hair. She was more impressed than she revealed by the gifts. Lord Fu-jiwara's interest flattered her. He had said that she intrigued him; he intrigued her no less.
She wore the older robe, for it seemed more suitable for late autumn, when she and her father, s.h.i.+zuka, and Ai went to visit Lord Fujiwara for the performance. They were to stay overnight, since the drama would go on until late, under the full moon. Hana, desperate to be invited, too, sulked when they left and would not come out to say good-bye. Kaede wished she could have left her father behind too.
His unpredictable behavior worried her, and she was afraid he might shame himself further in company. But he, immensely flattered by the invitation, would not be dissuaded.
Several actors, Mamoru among them, presented The Fulling Block. The Fulling Block. The play disturbed Kaede deeply. During her brief visit, Mamoru had studied her more than she had realized. Now she saw herself portrayed before her eyes, saw her movements, heard her own voice sigh, The play disturbed Kaede deeply. During her brief visit, Mamoru had studied her more than she had realized. Now she saw herself portrayed before her eyes, saw her movements, heard her own voice sigh, The autumn wind tells of love grown cold, The autumn wind tells of love grown cold, as the wife went slowly mad, waiting for her husband's return. as the wife went slowly mad, waiting for her husband's return.
Brilliance of the moon, touch of the wind. The words of the chorus pierced her like a needle in her flesh. The words of the chorus pierced her like a needle in her flesh. Frost gleaming in pale light, chill the heart as the block beats and night winds moan. Frost gleaming in pale light, chill the heart as the block beats and night winds moan.
Her eyes filled with tears. All the loneliness and the longing of the woman on the stage, a woman modeled on her, seemed indeed to be hers. She had even that week helped Ayame beat their silken robes with the fulling block to soften and restore them. Her father had commented on it, saying the repet.i.tive beat of the block was one of the most evocative sounds of autumn. The drama stripped her of her defenses. She longed for Takeo completely, achingly. If she could not have him she would die. Yet, even while her heart cracked, she remembered that she must live for the child's sake. And it seemed she felt the first tiny flutter of its watery movement within her.
Above the stage the brilliant moon of the tenth month shone coldly down. Smoke from the charcoal braziers drifted skyward. The soft beat of the drums fell into the silence. The small group watching were rapt, possessed by the beauty of the moon and the power of emotion displayed before them.
Afterward s.h.i.+zuka and Ai returned to their room, but, to Kaede's surprise, Lord Fujiwara asked her to remain in the company of the men as they drank wine and ate a series of exotic dishes, mushrooms, land crabs, pickled chestnuts, and tiny squid transported in ice and straw from the coast. The actors joined them, their masks laid aside. Lord Fujiwara praised them and gave them gifts. Later, when the wine had loosened tongues and raised the level of noise, he addressed Kaede quietly.
”I am glad your father came with you. I believe he has not been well?”
”You are very kind to him,” she replied. ”Your understanding and consideration mean a great deal to us.” She did not think it was seemly to discuss her father's state of mind with the n.o.bleman, but Fujiwara persisted.
”Does he fall into gloomy states often?”