Part 38 (2/2)
”Don't,” she whispered. ”I can't bear it.”
Kurj came to her and knelt on one knee. He spoke in a low voice. ”I thought I knew his love for you, but I had no idea, no hint of how deep it went.” His voice cracked. ”I am sorry.”
Lahaylia wanted to hate him, to cast him out of her sight. But she couldn't. She saw Jarac in his every word and gesture.
”I cannot live with this,” she said.
He started to reach for her, but when she stiffened, he dropped his hand. He spoke quietly. ”In time, the part of me that is Jarac will recede, I think, and integrate with Kurj.”
Her voice caught. ”The a.s.sembly has much to answer for.”
”Yes.”
”You have made yourself the most powerful individual alive, Kurj. None can match what you have done.” She regarded him steadily. ”Now you must take responsibility for it.”
Kurj took a deep breath. ”If I can.”
”You must.” Her gaze darkened. ”Otherwise you will destroy us all.”
Roca cradled Eldrin.
He slept in her arms, nestled against her, his eyes closed, his face finally peaceful. She leaned back on the couch, too exhausted to move. The grief was too big. She had nowhere to put it. She wished she could be like Eldrin, able to sleep when the storm abated.
Her console chimed.
Roca lifted her head. ”What is it?”
The house EI answered. ”Imperator Skolia is at your door.”
She froze. ”Who?” Her father had justdied.
”Kurj Skolia.”
She took a ragged breath. Of course. Bitter grief filled her. The son had killed the father and a.s.sumed his throne. By joining the Triad, Kurj had bypa.s.sed her in the line of succession, wresting the t.i.tle away from her. She hadn't held any great desire to lead the military, but never would she have wished for this. d.a.m.n the a.s.sembly. d.a.m.n the Traders for their relentless brutality that drove people to such desperate wrongs. d.a.m.n them all.
”Let him in.” Roca sat up, s.h.i.+fting Eldrin carefully so he didn't wake up.
A man appeared in the shadowed entrance of the room. Roca drew in a sharp breath. It wasn't Kurj.
His walk, his posture, his face-it was Jarac. But he wore Kurj's clothes and had Kurj's hair.
Son, brother, father: to her, he was all three.
He sat on the other end of the sofa, his elbows on his knees. ”How is Eldrin?”
”All right.” Roca smoothed the baby's wispy hair.
”Did he suffer when-?”
Roca thought of her father's death. ”No. He cried, but that was all.” Kurj had protected his half brother, doing for Eldrin what no one had been able to do for Eldrin's father, protecting him against the ravages of his family's deaths. Eldrin would live without the torments Eldri had endured all his life. Roca wanted to reach toward Kurj, but she couldn't bring herself to do it, knowing the price they had all paid for his fury.
Kurj looked at his hands. ”I have made a decision.”
”Yes?”
”I will call another vote on the invasion.” He raised his gaze to her. ”As Imperator, I can do so.”
She went very still. ”And?”
”I will vote for the negotiations.”
Hotness filled Roca's eyes. She had finally achieved what she had intended when she escaped her bodyguards and tried to reach the a.s.sembly so long ago. But the price was so terribly, terribly high. A tear ran down her face. ”I am glad.”
For a long time he said nothing. Then he broke his silence. ”Mother-go to your husband.”
Surely she had misheard. ”To Eldri?”
”Yes.” He spoke with difficulty. ”I don't know if I can ever accept him. But Jarac was right. You must go.”
Eldrin stirred in her arms, nestling closer, his face smoothing out in sleep.
”Thank you,” Roca whispered.
”But you must come back.” Now he sounded like Jarac. ”We will see you in the a.s.sembly and on stage?”
”Certainly the a.s.sembly. I have much work to do.” She bent her head over Eldrin. ”But I think not the stage. I would like to have more children.”
”Mother-”
She raised her head. ”Yes?”
He struggled with his words. ”I am sorry.”
Roca knew then that no punishment any judicial body could mete out to him would equal the guilt tearing him apart. The a.s.sembly would fear to take action against him, lest it destabilize the web they all depended on with such desperation. And those who knew what had happened thirty-five years ago would be terrified to do anything that might anger him, lest he reveal their crimes.
But for the rest of his life, her son would live in the h.e.l.l of his own remorse.
Roca stood in the doorway, gazing at the darkening Valley long after Kurj had left. Eldrin continued to sleep in her arms. She didn't go back inside; she couldn't bear the solitude of her house, not now, not after all they had lost.
Gradually Roca realized someone was approaching. The figure took form out of the night, a woman with dark hair and a graceful walk.
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