Part 5 (2/2)

Here's how care and candor work together to help a leader succeed.

Caring Values the Person

While Candor Values the Person's Potential

Caring for others demonstrates that you value them. However, if you want to help people get better, you have to be honest about where they need to improve. That shows that you value a person's potential. That requires candor.

One of the secrets of being candid is to think, speak, and act in terms of those who have the potential for growth and to think about how you can help them improve. If you're candid with others with their benefit in mind, it doesn't have to be harmful. It can be similar to the work of a surgeon. It may hurt, but it is meant to help and it shouldn't harm. As a leader, you must be willing and able to do that. If not, you won't be able to help your people grow and change.

Caring Establishes the Relations.h.i.+p

While Candor Expands the Relations.h.i.+p

The things that usually help to establish a relations.h.i.+p are common ground and care. But those things usually aren't enough to make a relations.h.i.+p grow. To expand a relations.h.i.+p, candor and open communication are required. Most leaders I talk to have a difficult conversation that they know they need to have but are avoiding. Usually they are reluctant for one of two reasons: either they don't like confrontation, or they fear that they will hurt the person they need to talk to. But if a leader can balance care and candor, it will actually deepen and strengthen the relations.h.i.+p.

Not everyone responds well to candid conversations. Let's face it: honesty can hurt. Some people shut down when you criticize them. Others leave and work somewhere else. However, if you have candid conversations with someone who hangs in there and grows, that person becomes a candidate for the climb up to Level 3 and beyond.

Caring Defines the Relations.h.i.+p

While Candor Directs the Relations.h.i.+p

Solid relations.h.i.+ps are defined by how people care about one another. But just because people care about one another doesn't mean that they are going anywhere together. Getting the team moving together to accomplish a goal is the responsibility of the leader, and that often requires candor. Getting results always matters, and good leaders never lose track of that. Retired army general and former secretary of state Colin Powell noted, ”Good leaders.h.i.+p involves responsibility to the welfare of the group, which means that some people will get angry at your actions and decisions. It's inevitable-if you're honorable.” If you want to lead people well, you need to be willing to direct them candidly.

Caring Should Never Suppress Candor

While Candor Should Never Displace Caring

The bottom line is that good leaders must embrace both care and candor. To help you keep the balance between the two, I've created a ”caring candor” checklist. Before having a candid conversation, make sure that you can answer yes to the following questions: Have I invested enough in the relations.h.i.+p to be candid with this person?

Do I truly value this person as an individual?

Am I sure this is his or her issue and not mine?

Am I sure I'm not speaking up because I feel threatened?

Is the issue more important than the relations.h.i.+p?

Does this conversation clearly serve this person's interests and not just mine?

Am I willing to invest time and energy to help this person change?

Am I willing to show this person how to do something, and not just say what's wrong?

Am I willing and able to set clear, specific expectations?

If you can answer yes to all of these questions, then your motives are probably right and you have a good chance of being able to communicate effectively.

The next time you find yourself in a place where you need to have a candid conversation, just remember this: Do it quickly-shovel the pile while it's small.

Do it calmly, never in anger-use the caring candor checklist.

Do it privately-you want to help the person, not embarra.s.s him or her.

Do it thoughtfully, in a way that minimizes embarra.s.sment or intimidation.

If your goal is to help the individual, improve the team, and fulfill the vision of the organization, then this is the path you should follow as a leader.

As you work with people and have candid conversations, allow me to remind you of one more thing: candor is a two-way street. If you want to be an effective leader, you must allow the people you work with to be candid with you. You must solicit feedback. And you must be mature and secure enough to take in people's criticism without defensiveness and learn from it. Caring for people, making good decisions for everyone involved, and building solid relations.h.i.+ps is what Level 2 is all about. This is Permission at its best.

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