Part 24 (1/2)
”Really? What a lucky accident! So you are not the sly designing schemer I supposed. Ah, well, you are the soul of honour, and that is infinitely better.”
Certainly to her mind in the present case that was what appearances would seem to indicate; but the poor wretches who were tending slowly toward the brink of some indefinable horror, more awful to their imaginations than the great cataract itself, thought not so much upon the means by which they were brought into their present painful position, as upon the impossibility of escape from it. To the eye of a casual wayfarer these handsome young people, driving abroad through the dewy freshness of the morning, with the long lovely day before them, could not be considered objects of pity.
For a while they took refuge in commonplaces, relieved by lapses of eloquent silence; then as the winding road conducted them by easy gradations into greener depths of leafy solitude they looked involuntarily into each other's eyes, and realized that, beneath all the bitterness and pride and cruel estrangement, their love was the truest, most unalterable, part of their life.
”Perhaps,” said Edward, speaking as though the words were wrung from him, ”it is better that we should meet once more alone, though it be for the last time.”
The girl gave a low murmur of a.s.sent. Her eyes were looking straight forward. The solitude was permeated by the deep thunder of the Falls, and it voiced the depth of her despair. ”For the last time,” she said within herself, ”for the last time.”
”I have a favour to ask,” he continued, ”a favour that I verily believe a man never yet asked of the woman he loved; and I do love you, my darling--there, let me say it once, since I can never say it again--I love you with all my heart and soul.” He bowed his head, and she could see the blue vein in his temple growing bluer and swelling as he spoke. He had not laid a finger upon her, he could not so much as lift his eyes up to her face, but a mocking breeze suddenly blew a fold of her raiment against his cheek, and he kissed it pa.s.sionately.
Helene held her hands tightly together; they were trembling violently.
”I want to beg of you,” he said, still without looking up, ”to look upon me with suspicion, aversion, and distrust; to disbelieve any good you may hear of me; to hate me if you can; to treat me as long as you live with uniform coldness and indifference.”
”I understand,” she replied with icy brevity, ”you think there is danger of my treating you otherwise.”
Now, since the discovery of the locket, and its tell-tale contents, this was precisely the danger that Edward had feared, but he was a diplomatist.
”Have you ever given me the slightest reason to think so?” he demanded. ”At my least approach your natural pride changes to haughtiness, arrogance, and scorn. But the one thing greater than your pride is my love. Ah, you know nothing about it--you cannot imagine its power. Madmen have warned those who were dearest to them to fly from their sight, lest in spite of themselves an irreparable injury be inflicted. And so I urge you to continue avoiding me, to cast behind not even a single glance of pity, lest in spite of your pride, in spite of my reason, I should bend all my power to the one object of winning you.”
This calamity, it may be supposed, was not quite so great and horrible to the mind of the young lady as it was in the excited imagination of her lover. ”I do not understand you,” she said quietly. ”What is it you wish to ask of me?”
”Only this: that you will never think of me with the slightest degree of kindness; that you will drop me from your acquaintance; that you will forget that I ever existed.”
”Very well;” her tones were even quieter than before, and a great deal colder! ”I promise never to think any more of you than I do at this moment.” And all the time she was crying with inward tears, ”O, darling, darling, as though I could think any more of you than I do now! As though I could, as though I could!”
”Thank you,” said Edward, ”you are removing a terrible temptation from my way, and helping to make me stronger and less ign.o.ble than I am.
Let me tell you all about it, Helene. Do you remember that night in the conservatory last winter, when you treated me so cruelly? Yes, I own I was a wild animal; but you might have tamed me, and instead you infuriated me. I went from you to Wanda, the Indian girl with whom I flirted last summer. She was in civilized garb, in my mother's home, quiet as a bird that has been driven by the storms of winter into a place of shelter. I too had been tempest-driven, and her warm welcome, her beauty and tenderness, stole away my senses. She soothed my injured vanity, satisfied my desperate hunger for love, and I lived for weeks in the belief that we were made for each other. But with the return of summer the untamed spirit of her race took possession of her, and when I saw her with you,--ah, dearest, is there need for me to say more? I cannot marry her; every fibre of my being, every sentiment of my soul, revolts from it; but neither am I such a monster of iniquity as to try to win any one else, and found my lifelong happiness upon that poor girl's broken-hearted despair. No, Helene, you have no right to look at me in that way. I never wronged her in the base brutish sense of the word--never in a way that the spirit of my dead mother might not have witnessed--but I have robbed her of her heart, and find too late that I do not want it. I cannot free her from her suffering, but at least I shall always share it.”
And I too, was Helene's internal response. Aloud she suggested that it was time for them to return. Her indifference was precisely what Edward had begged for, but now in return for his confidence it chilled him. She noticed his disappointment, and with a sudden impulse of sympathy, she laid a tiny gloved hand upon his arm. ”Oh, you are right,” she breathed, ”perfectly right. It is infinitely better to suffer with her than to be happy and contemptible and forget her.
Believe me I shall not be a hindrance to you.”
He took in his own the little fluttering hand, and held it in what he believed to be a quiet friendly clasp. It was an immense relief to unburden his mind to any one, and her approval was very sweet to a heart that had been torn for weary days and nights by self-accusation and self-contempt. Unconsciously he leaned nearer to her, still holding the little hand, which its owner did not withdraw, because it was for ”the last time.” In the reaction from the severe strain of the days and weeks gone past they were almost light-hearted. Before re-entering the village Edward stopped the horse in a leafy covert, where for a few minutes they might be secure from observation.
”It is only to say good-bye, my heart's idol,” he explained. ”Since I have proved myself unworthy even of your liking I must go away from you forever. But our parting must be here in private.” He held both her hands now in a tight, strong grasp, and looked into her face with unutterable love. ”Ah, heaven,” he groaned, ”I cannot give you up! I cannot, I cannot!” He bowed his face upon the lilies in her lap, but the languid bloodless things could not cool the fever in his cheeks.
For her life she could not help laying her hand tenderly upon his head--the young golden head that lay so wearily close to her empty arms; but she said nothing. A woman's heart is dumb, not because it is created so, but because society has decreed that that is the only proper thing for it to be. ”Helene,” he murmured, lifting his head with a strange dazed look, ”I believe I have been delirious all the morning. What possible good could my suffering be to Wanda? I don't know what I have said, but I wish you would forget it all. I wish you would remember nothing except that I love you--love you--_love you_!”
The girl laughed aloud and bitterly. ”So that is the length of a man's remorse! No! You have begged me to despise you, and now I shall beg you not to make it dangerously easy for me to do so.”
Her contempt was a tonic. It reminded the young man that he deserved, not only that but his own contempt as well. They drove home without exchanging another word.
CHAPTER XX.
THE COMING OF WANDA.
The spectacle of a pair of lovers equally pale and proud alighting at her door was rather dispiriting to Lady Sarah Maitland, but she did not lose heart. This she rightly considered to be the proper thing for _them_, not for her to do. At least they should not escape ”the solitude of the crowd,” and opportunities for bringing them into this sort of solitude were not lacking. The same afternoon an English lord, who had recently been making a tour of the States, with some officers of His Majesty's 70th Regiment, then stationed at York, arrived at Stamford Cottage, and in their honour a large number of guests were a.s.sembled that evening. The soft radiance of mingled moonlight and candle light, the artistic luxury of the place and its surroundings, the exquisite robes of soft-voiced women, the cultivated tone and manner of the men, with a sort of subtle and distinguished aroma of British n.o.bility shed over the whole--all of these things held for Edward Macleod a potent witchery. This evening he was in unusually good spirits, and was entertaining a group of gentlemen, who had gathered about him in the centre of the large drawing-room, by an amusing account of his hunting experiences in the backwoods. The sounds of subdued mirth that followed his recital induced a pa.s.sing bevy of ladies to join them. Lady Sarah took the arm of Helene, and gave him her flattering attention along with the rest. A young man never talks poorly from the knowledge that he has gained the ear of his audience.