Part 32 (1/2)
”You're better at things than me, right?”
”I never said-”
”Yeah, you did. And you are. But you're not better at everything everything. This...this work that had to be done; you did your part, then I did mine. That's what happened. And what's coming out of your mouth? Ah, you're such a piece of c.r.a.p because you didn't handle the whole thing yourself, like you're supposed supposed to, right?” to, right?”
”I...I see what you mean. I was just being a b.i.t.c.h, Sugar.”
”I don't think so.”
”All right, I was scared scared. Is that what you wanted to hear?”
”No.”
”You won't even say my name, will you?”
”Which name do you want?”
”You b.a.s.t.a.r.d b.a.s.t.a.r.d!” She tried to reach over and slap at me, but the seatbelt held her in place.
It was another hour before she spoke to me again.
”He's...dead? You're sure?”
”Which one?”
”Oh. Jessop, I guess.”
”You guess? guess? Jesus.” Jesus.”
”Sugar, please, stop. You're thinking, 'That's the one she cared about,' aren't you?”
”What if I was?”
”And that makes you mad?”
I didn't say anything.
She unbuckled her seatbelt, turned so she was kneeling on the cus.h.i.+on, and leaned over. To kiss me on the side of my face.
”Don't be mad, Sugar. You'd be mad for all the wrong reasons.”
”I don't know what you're talking about.”
”Yes, you do. You think I still have feelings for Jessop, don't you?”
”I don't know who you've got-”
”Stop! I had feelings for Jessop, all right. I was terrified terrified of him. When Albie died, the first thing that hit me was, Jessop's going to come for me now. I think that's why Albie kept him on. Working, I mean. So that when he...when he of him. When Albie died, the first thing that hit me was, Jessop's going to come for me now. I think that's why Albie kept him on. Working, I mean. So that when he...when he died died-okay?-I'd know where to find him. Jessop. And kill him, like I should have done. know where to find him. Jessop. And kill him, like I should have done.
”That's what I was so upset about before. I shouldn't have been hiding under those coats, trembling, trying not to whimper. I shouldn't have been hiding from him; I should have been hunting him.
”It wasn't that I didn't have confidence in you. Not for a minute. I knew Jessop was as good as dead from the minute you...took over. I was...ashamed, okay? I put up this big front, but it was all a lie. I wanted wanted you to do it, Sugar. you to do it, Sugar.
”You know what I did, under those coats? Sucked my thumb. Like a baby. You think I didn't believe you could take care of things, but the truth is, I knew you could. And the worse truth is, I knew I couldn't.”
”All you can ever say is you thought thought you couldn't. You'll never have the chance to find out now. He's not coming back.” you couldn't. You'll never have the chance to find out now. He's not coming back.”
”I love you,” is what she said.
It was around four in the afternoon when I finally woke up. Lynda was still next to me.
”About time,” she said. So I knew she must have been awake for a while.
”You been watching the news?”
”Yes. Not a word.”
”There's gonna be.”
”That depends,” she said.
”On what?”
”Tactics.”
”You're giving me a headache.”
”Then go take a shower and I'll get you something to eat.”
”They may never find that motorcycle,” she said, watching me as I ate. ”Who's going to report it missing? So why would they be looking for it at all, much less on the property?”
I shrugged my shoulders, chewing slow, like you're supposed to.
”That skinhead, him they'll find. But so what? People like that, they get killed every day. For all kinds of reasons. By all kinds of people.”
I nodded. They're always talking about wiping out every mud on the planet, but they spend more time on killing each other. Saw it plenty of times in prison. Sometimes it's because they find out something about the guy, like he's got the wrong blood in him. Or sometimes it's just to be doing it.
”And Jessop?” Lynda said. ”Ex-con found dead in the trunk of a car he stole in Miami, with a pistol in his belt. Who knows what that's that's about? The gun won't be registered. All they'll ever be able to do is trace the car and find out the owner's a person who doesn't exist, a man who lives at an address in a neighborhood where n.o.body knows nothing. And they won't be lying about that, either.” about? The gun won't be registered. All they'll ever be able to do is trace the car and find out the owner's a person who doesn't exist, a man who lives at an address in a neighborhood where n.o.body knows nothing. And they won't be lying about that, either.”
”Your prints are in the-”
”In the Lincoln? Sure, baby. But not in the system. Without a match, they hit a wall. And I had the car detailed after that first time you used it.”
The way Lynda ran it down, I sounded like a criminal mastermind. But I knew better.