Chapter 26 (1/2)

He Luo returned to campus at the end of the spring festival.

Cai Man Xin, who had also returned early to prepare for her GRE test, was surprised to see her. “Why are you also back so early?”

“Trust me, I want to stay home for a few more days too. But the faculty told me to come back because the visiting professor I’ve once interpreted for is visiting again. Since I’m already familiar with him, they’re not looking for anyone else.” He Luo handed Cai Man Xin a bag of bread. “Here, the Russian bread you wanted. I can’t carry the rest. There’s not much difference anyway.”

“Ah, is it the bigwig from Caltech? This is such a good opportunity. If the mood suits him, who knows if he’ll just offer you a place at his university? You won’t even need apply for it.”

“I did think about it if I should apply,” He Luo hesitated to say.

Cai Man Xin widened her eyes. “Why not? Why the hesitation?” She understood when she saw He Luo’s dazed and tender expression. “Oh, seems like you didn’t practice making the porridge in for nothing. You have to get to a man’s heart through his stomach. Did you two get back together?”

“No…” He Luo sounded guilty, knowing Cai Man Xin was going to lecture her again. “I can’t talk, I have to go pick the professor from the airport.”

“Tsk, tsk. I’ve not even started and you’re already running away.” Cai Man Xin scoffed at her friend’s behaviour. “Can’t you just break it off cleanly? If you can be with him, then be with him. If you can’t, just forget him. There’s a lack of three-legged toads in this world, but isn’t there no end of two-legged men running around in the streets?”

He Luo laughed as she pulled on her coat. “Yes, yes. They’re everywhere. But why don’t I see you meeting any of them?”

“That’s because I’m sending them away. I have so many things to do right now. Where do I find the free time to think about them?” Cai Man Xin stuck out her tongue. “You think I don’t want to love pa.s.sionately and selflessly? It’s just that the men around me are either too realistic, too unambitious, or too childish. I don’t have the free time [American time] to go and unveil their potential.”

“Yes, yes. We’ll wait for you to go America and see if you have that American time you speak of.” He Luo laughed. “I really have to go. The plane is landing soon.”

On the bus ride to the airport, He Luo took out her phone. She wanted to send Zhang Yuan a text but she didn’t know what to say.

“Is Yantai cold?”

“I’m already back in Beijing.”

“Is your stomach still hurting? Take care and stop drinking so much.”

“What time will you becoming home?”

She had once asked all these questions. Perhaps he was meeting a client, drinking as businessmen do. Each time he replied to her texts, it was as short as humanly possible.

“Not cold.”

“Okay.”

“Got it.”

“Not sure.”

She edited the long text she typed out: “This break, I keep wanting to tell you if I don’t want to give up. Does that mean I should try getting back with you? But, as you know, some things I can’t accomplish just because I alone am trying hard. If we don’t have such a chance to meet again, will we separate just like this?”

She felt that her words were inappropriate so she amended it one by one. In the end, she just deleted everything and started anew: “The person I like you is still you.”

Again and again, she pressed the preview b.u.t.ton. She imagined his expression as he tooked out his phone and his long and delicate fingers pressing the keyboard. The only thing she could not imagine was his response. Zhang Yuan was friendly, but not intimate with her. In his heart, perhaps he no longer had strong feelings for her?

What about her?

The one I like you is still you. That was a simple fact, not an impa.s.sioned slogan. Earlier, she had the fiery determination to get him back and mustered the courage to recoup the feelings she had in her youth. But with such obstacles, that pa.s.sion had gradually dimmed.

Was the freshness of a love really that brief…

The calm that washed over He Luo was so sudden she could not explain it. She had tossed the phone in her hands for so long that it had warmed.

The bus had pa.s.sed the toll at the airport. As the green road signs outside flashed outside her window, He Luo repeated the tongue-twisting names of the professor and his wife in her head: Mr and Mrs Zawistowski. From the sound of their names, it seemed like they came from Eastern Europe. Both were about 60, but still in good health. Professor Zawistowski had even partic.i.p.ated in the California interstate marathon last year, clocking in at 3 hours and 8 minutes. This year, he was also gearing up to sign up for the Beijing international marathon.

It was truly blissful to be like him. He can do whatever he wished and go wherever he wanted. Truly a happy, satisfying life. As for He Luo, all sorts of worries were weighing down her heart.

She buried the confession text deep in the drafts folder of her phone. No matter what, she could not find the courage to send it out.

He Luo felt like a coward. Zhang Yuan still owed her an explanation as to why he broke up with her. In her mind, she had made countless a.s.sumptions, but did not have the courage to ask. She was afraid she would receive a reason that she had long predicted, but was never able to accept. Yes, she didn’t know how to face such a Zhang Yuan.

If Zhang Yuan’s prideful self was tired of her, bored of her, wanted to retreat from her back then, how was the situation now better? Even if she cried in front of him, shouted, begged, what would change if they had gotten back together? Their problems still exist. Like a silent stone, pa.s.sersby at night would never be able to guess where it would appear. Even as they walk on a path as familiar to them as the back of their hands, they might still trip on the stone and fall harder than the last time.

“I don’t have the courage to trip on the same stone and fall a second time.” He Luo rubbed her arms.

“That’s too depressing. Will I even have the confidence to fall in love anymore?”

Ye Zhi said, “You won’t trip. But you hug the stone for so long that you might as well use it as a stool to sit on. If you don’t start digging, it’ll forever remain in its place.”

“I will. I will,” He Luo said. “But between us, it’s not something that a phrase such as ‘I like you, let’s be together’ can solve. I’ve already tried and I believe he understands my intentions. But if he doesn’t any desire to turn back, what can I do? Do I threaten him with a knife or by jumping into a river? Actually, I want to tell him clearly that I really…”

For a moment, she was speechless. Tong Jia Ying lifted her head from the pile of books she was reading and chimed in. “Really what?”

“That I really can’t live without Zhang Yuan, that I won’t marry anyone but him.” Ye Zhi harrumphed. “Girl, you can’t even say that frankly in front of us. What more in front of Zhang Yuan?”

Indeed, she had no idea how to open her mouth to say these words. Her chest felt stuffy and her vocal cord refused to work. Every sound she made disappeared into the air. She was like this in front of him, stingy with her pa.s.sions.

If she revealed what she truly felt inside, perhaps her tears would fall first.

He Luo did not want Zhang Yuan to turn back simply because her tears softened his heart. She did not need splendid fireworks or a meteor shower. Those were not the endings she wanted. What she wanted was an everlasting promise.

The more beautiful the mirage it was, the more of an illusion it was.

Seconds before the lights were turned off in the room, Zhou Xing Yan ran in, patting her chest. “I was almost caught by the warden! Luckily I ran the moment she got distracted with turning off the lights.” She held up the emergency light in her hand, swaying the flickering light in front of He Luo. The white light was bright and piercing in the darkness.

“I’m seeing a ghost at night.” He Luo laughed, twisting the light to s.h.i.+ne at Zhou Xing Yan’s eyes.“Look, it’s a demoness. You didn’t manage to get any water, did you? I have some in my bucket. If you want, you can take it yourself.”

“Ah, Luo Luo. I love you most.” Zhou Xing Yan reached out to the squeeze He Luo’s cheeks. A startled He Luo jumped up and smacked her on the b.u.t.t.

“You won’t die if I touch a little. Why are you smacking so hard? It really hurts! How do I sleep later on?” Zhou Xing Yan cried. “As compensation, give me Professor Towski’s notes for reference.”

“Tong Jia Ying’s notes are the most complete,” He Luo said. “There are many parts that I don’t understand that I need to ask her.”

“Her handwriting is too terrible…” Zhou Xing Yan bit He Luo’s ear.

“You’re begging for rice yet complain it’s rotten.” He Luo glared at her.

“It’s really bad.” Ye Zhi laughed. “Fortunately I dropped out after attending a few lectures. I noticed afterwards that all those who attended were first year postgraduate students or those in fourth years. And those who are unafraid to die like you all.”

Tong Jia Ying said, “It’s a bit hard, but it’s very interesting.”

He Luo sighed. “It’s interesting, but it’s also really hard. Too bad he chose me as the teaching a.s.sistant. Fortunately I don’t have to do anything else. I just have to take attendance and upload test score.”

“You’re too lucky!” Zhou Xing Yan said. “You’re so b.l.o.o.d.y lucky! If he writes you a recommendation letter in the future, won’t you have your pick of American ivy leagues?”

“Yes, yes.” He Luo smiled bitterly. “If he writes me a recommendation letter to NASA, I’ll be our country’s first astronaut.”

“There’s nothing good about the moon. Chang’e lives a pitiful life,” Ye Zhi slowly said, her tone carrying compa.s.sion.

He Luo did not have the time to think about the moon, or the sun, or whatever. She was busy in the university’s reading room, circling the place over and over hunting for a few books. Were the books she was looking for not prohibited for loan? So why could she not find them on the shelf? Refusing to give up, she started looking at the books one by one. The English t.i.tles on the books were all printed horizontally, so she was forced to bend her head to see. Her neck felt immensely sore. When she finally found the books Professor Towski included as recommended additional reading, she was so excited when grabbing the book and nearly twisted her neck in the process. It hurt so much she cried.

“You must’ve twisted your neck.” Shen Lie’s voice came from beside her. “You’ve gotten the book before I could. I just knew it. After someone used these books, they hid it away not wanting others to find it.” He extended his hand. “Let me carry the books. Hurry up and ma.s.sage your neck.”

He Luo looked up and smiled. They had not been together alone like this for a long time. It was as if they both wanted to avoid any possible awkwardness.

“Still daydreaming. Hurry up and give me.” Shen Lie lowered his voice and laughed. “Do you think I would hide away your books?”

“You can take a look first.” He Luo stood there for a long while, twisting her sore body. She sat on the ground, Indian-style, and rubbed her tense neck. Quietly she moaned, “My neck.”

Shen Lie shook his head as he laughed and sat beside her companionably. He lowered his head and flipped the book. It was so quiet that only the sound of rustling could be heard.

“Did you also choose this cla.s.s?” The two of them turned to each other at the same time and asked this uselessly polite question. In the past few weeks, every Wednesday for three hours, were their presences a mirage?

He Luo wanted to apologise, but words like “thank you” and “sorry” were both polite yet hurtful. Besides, what reason did she have to say them? The other person did not make his confession. These words would just seem like a condescending form of charity.

Spring would always make people feel lazy and drowsy. The suns.h.i.+ne would sometimes alternate between brightness and dimness. When the weather cleared up, the peach blossom flowers outside would be dazzlingly pink. The smell of piled-up old books tangled with the refres.h.i.+ng scent of soap.

Every time Shen Lie came close, she would inevitably be reminded of Zhang Yuan. There was nothing to compare. She can only apologise to him.

Shen Lie was still flipping the book, with no intention of opening his mouth. The air in the room gradually slowed to a still. He Luo could not break the silence, so she quietly grabbed a book from the shelf. It was their university yearbook. After reading for a good while, she could not understand anything. She left the book open on her lap, allowing the light to fall on the pages.

“Seriously! I can’t find any of the books we need.” From the other side of the shelf, the complaining voice of a girl floated over.

“What can we do? So many people signed up for his cla.s.s. Everyone wants to get closer to the legendary figure.”

“How many recommendation letters do you think he’ll write for the people in the cla.s.s?”

“Don’t know… Either way, we don’t have hope.”

The two girls sighed. He Luo could tell they were postgraduate students who were in Professor Zawistowski’s cla.s.s. Out of the blue, her name was brought up in their conversation.

“He Luo’s a third year, isn’t she? Why is she the teaching a.s.sistant?”

“Doesn’t have to mark cla.s.swork. Only has to be good at English.”

“Is her English that good? I heard she did so-so on her TOEFL. You scored 657 yourself, but why didn’t he pick you?”

“My uncle isn’t from the Ministry of Foreign Affairs…” Her tone was sour. “Isn’t Professor Zawistowski funded by both countries to do this science and technology exchange project? Of course he has to give the ministry people some face.”

“It’s easy to get things done with people in the know. I didn’t expect even the Ministry of Foreign Affairs would be involved.”

“Right. So we’ll just have to focus on our GRE test, PS, and our own recommendation letters. Her? She can get in with just a word from her uncle.”

He Luo closed the book with a loud peng sound with a dark expression. She really wanted to go see those girls and shout at them, “This has nothing to do with my family members!” Before her anger could leap out from her throat, the other side could already feel the pressure. The sounds of footsteps followed as the girls rushed over to check who was on the other side of the bookshelf.

Shen Lie glanced at He Luo, got up, and put the reference book he was reading back to the shelf. “Here. There’s a copy here.” The two girls cheerfully shouted, forgetting whatever they were saying earlier.

“They’re all sour grapes. Don’t mind them.” Walking out of the reading room, Shen Lie took big steps to catch up to He Luo. “Not many mortals know the fact that you’re a deity. Without even studying much, you already achieve such a good result.”

“I beg you. Stop telling others,” He Luo helplessly said. “If it’s not for you flattering my uncle so well the other day, he wouldn’t have offered to come lecture about Greek mythology and Western literature or whatever. Who would’ve found out he’s from the Ministry of Foreign Affairs?”

“That can only prove that your entire family is capable. Just let those sour grapes envy.” Shen Lie pursed his lips. “Really, it’s already been established that the project is under the Ministry of Education. There’s nothing to do with your uncle. If I’m Professor Zawistowski, I also won’t pick them as teaching a.s.sistants. They have such bad mouths.”

“Okay, okay.” He Luo knew Shen Lie was never one to enjoy picking on others, so she stopped him. “Stop saying or you’ll be the one with a bad mouth.”

“Huh, truly I’ve wasted my good intentions and became the bad guy instead,” Shen Lie helplessly said, extending his palm.

“Who said that? You’re so kind.” He Luo smiled.