Part 10 (1/2)

So I agreed to go wi her; for what could I do, When t'decent oud woman wor teasing ma so?

So we link'd on together an' paddled along, Both on us singing a Glory Band song; Hasomivver we landed, an' hedn't ta wait, For one t'panjandrums hed getten agait.

So they prayed an' they sang i' ther oud fashun'd way; Until a gert chap says ”I've summat ta say;”

An' bethart I'st a fallen dahn sick i' my pew, But I thowt at toan hauf t' he said worant true, For he charged Parson Ball wi' being drunk i' the street, At he'd been put ta bed three times i' one neet.

”Does ta hear,” says Oud Jennet, ”what t'hullet is saying, He's using his scandal asteead o' being praying, For John Ball is respected by ivvery one, So I sallant believe a word about John, Fer him an' arr Robin are two decent men, So pray yah nah harken, they'll speik fer thersen.”

So all wor nah silent, they mud hear a pin fall, For n.o.body wor hissing or clapping at all; For scarce had long Gomersall spun out his yarn, Wi his two blazing een he hed scarcely sat dahn, Than John stood up on his pins in a minit,- An' rare an' weel please wor me and Oud Jennet.

”My brethren,” he sed wi a tear in his ee, ”Yah sall hear for yerselns my accusers an' me, An' if I be guilty-man's liable to fall As well as yer pastor an' servant John Ball; But let my accuser, if faults he hes noan, Be't t'first, and no other to thraw the first stone.

”I've drunk wine and porter, I do not deny, But then my accusers hev not telled you why: So their false accusation I feel it more keen, 'Cos I've hed the lumbago i' both o' my een; Beside mi back warked as if it wor broke, An' mi throit's been so parched wal I thowt I sud choke.

”I've been so distracted and hanneled so bad, Wal I thowt monny a time I sud ommust go mad, An' t'doctors hes tell'd me there wor no other way n.o.bbut going to Blackpool or else Morecambe Bay; An' charged me to mind if I sat dahn to dine, To lig into t'porter, an't brandy, an't wine.

”So nah, my accusers, what hev you to say, You can reckon that up in your awn simple way; But if there's a falsehood in what I've sed nah I wish mi new hat wod turn into a kah, So this is mi answer, an' this mi defence.”

”Well done!” says oud Jennet, ”he's spokken some sense.”

So his speech nah he ended, but it touch'd em it wick, For we all could see plainly it wor nowt but a trick; And Jennet declared-tho' she might be too rude,- If he'd come up to't dinner he's hev some home brew'd, Fer it spite o' ther scandal sho wor proud on him yet, An' if he drank wine an' porter who'd out to du wi't.

T' History o't Haworth Railway.

Before I commence mi short history o't Haworth Railway, it might be as weel to say a word or two abaht Haworth itseln. It's a city at's little knawn, if onny, it history o' England, though ther's no daht but its as oud as Methuslam, if not ouder, yet with it being built so far aht at lat.i.tude ov civilized nashuns, n.o.body's scarcely knawn owt abaht it wal latly. T' finders ov it are sed to be people fra't Eastern countries, for they tuke fearful of em e Haworth it line o' soothsayers, magishuns, an' a.s.strologers; but whether they com fra't east or't west, they luke oud fashun'd enuff. Nah t' city is situated in a very romantic part o'

Yorkshur, and within two or three miles o't boundary mark o' Lancas.h.i.+re.

Some foak sez it wer t'last place at wer made, but it's a mistak, for it lukes oud fashun'd enuff to be t'first 'at wer made. Gert travellers sez it resembles t' cities o' Rome and Edinburgh, fer ther's a deal o'

up-hills afore you can get to't top on't; but e landing you'd be struck wi' wonder and amazement-what wi't tall biggens, monniments, domes, hampitheaters, and so on; fer instance, t'Church, or rather the Cathedral, is a famous biggen, and stands majestically o't top at hill.

It hes been sed at Oliver Cromwell that wor so struck wi't appearance at Church an t' City, altogether, wal he a mack a consented to hev it the hed-quarters for the army and navy.

The faander o' t' Church is sed to be won w.a.n.g-be-w.a.n.g, won et Empror's o' China as com ower in a balloon an' browt we him all his relations, but his granm.u.t.h.e.r; the natives at that toime wur a mack a wild, but i mixing up we t' balloonites they soin become civilized and big'd t' Church at's studden fra that time to nah, wit exepshun o' won end, destroyed at sum toime, sum sez it wur be war. Sum sez west and an t' saath end wur destroyed, but it's a mack a settled on wit wiseuns it wur wichcraft; but be it as it may Haworth, an' t' folk a'tagether is as toff as paps, an'

hez stud aht weel, an' no daht but it wod a flerished before Lunden, Parriss, or Jerusulum, for sentries back, if they'd hed a Railway; but after nearly all Grate Britten and France hed been furnished we a Railway, the people i Haworth began to be uneazy and felt inclined no longer to wauk several miles to get to a stashun if they were bahn off liks. And besides, they thout it wur high time to begin and mack sum progress i' t' wurld, like their naburs 't valley. So they adjetated for a line down the valley as far as Keighley, and after abaht a hundred meetings they gat an Act pa.s.sed for it i Parlement. So at last a c.u.mmittee wur formed, and they met wun neet a purpose to decide when it wod be t' best convenient for em to dig t' furst sod to commerate and start the gert event. And a bonny rumpus there wor yo mind, for yo may think ha it wor conducted when they wur threapin wi wun another like a lot o' oud wimen at a parish pump when it sud be. Wun sed it mud tak place at rushberring, another sed next muck-spreading toime, a third sed it mud be dug et gert wind-day e memory o' oud Jack K-. Well, noan et proposishuns wod do for t' lot, and there wur such opposistion wal it omust hung on a threed, wether the railway went on or net, wal at last an oud farmer, wun o' the committee-men, we a voice as hoa.r.s.e as a farm yard dog, bawls aht, I propose Pancake Tuesday. So after a little more noise it wor proposed and seconded at the Grand Trunk Railway between the respective tahns of Keighley and Haworth sud be commemorated wi diggin t'

furst sod o' Pancake Tuesday, it year o' our Lord 1864; and be t' show o'

hands it usual way it wor carried by wun, and that wor Ginger Jabus, and t'tother cud a liked t'bowt him ower, but Jabus worn't to be bowt that time, for he hed his hart and sowl i the movement, and he went abaht singin-

c.u.m all ye lads o' high renown At wishes well your native town, Rowl up an' put your money down An' let us hev a Railway.

We Keighley folk we are behind, An's sed to wauk agin wur mind; But sooin t' crookt-legg'd uns they will find, Weel kap em we a Railway.

Well, hasumivver public notice wur made nawn, be the bellman crying it all ower t'taan, wich he did to such a pitch, wal he'd summat to do to keep his hat fra flyin off, but he manijed to do it at last to a nicety, for the news spread like sparks aht of a bakehus chimla; and wen the day com they flocked in fra all parts, sum o' the crookt-legged uns fra Keighley com, Lockertown and the Owertown folk com, and oud batchelors fra Stanbury and all parts et continent o' Haworth; folk craaded in o'

all sides, even the oud men and wimen fra Wicken Crag and the Flappeters, and strappin folk they are yo mind, sum as fat as pigs, wi heads as red as carrots, and nimble as a india-rubber bouncer taw; and wat wur t' best on't it happened to be a fine day; for if it hed been made according to orders it cudn't a been finer. Shops wur all closed and ivverybody, oud and young, hed a haliday aht o' t'doors, for they wur all flade a missin the Grand Processhun, wich formed itsel at the top o' Wuthren, when it wur messured, it turn'd aht to be two miles six inches long-it moved as follows:-

ORDER OF PROCESSHUN.

The Spring-head Band wi their hat-bruads turn'd up so as they mud see their way clear.