Part 37 (1/2)

”We'll be on our way. Sorry to have bothered you.”

Ben moved, Tara turned, and Paulette popped up, her hand out to stop them.

”But don't you want to hear the rest?” she asked.

”Don't you want to hear what happened after my mom died?”

Puzzled, Tara looked at Paulette. She had changed. There were fearful memories too. She just hadn't gotten to them yet. Tara sat again. Ben was settled. They'd hit pay dirt.

”I loved my mom. Actually,” she said, looking a little embarra.s.sed, ”I adored her. I always wanted my life to be like hers but, well, guess I wasn't as good at looking ahead like she was. I liked the boys too much.” Paulette colored and it looked lovely on her.

”I had three of my kids by the time I was twenty-one, and I've always been sorry about that. For them mostly. Kids shouldn't have kids.

”Anyway, there I was feeling so down when my mom pa.s.sed, and I guess it didn't strike me as odd that Bill didn't leave when it happened. I could see that he was broken up, too. So, since we were both grieving, it seemed natural for him to hang around where she'd been. I knew it would take a while for him to find a new place and get used to being without her. But then I realized it was six months after my mom died and he was still with me and the kids in the house.” She tipped her head and asked Ben, ”Don't you think that was weird?”

”I wouldn't say that was terribly normal.” Ben punctuated his opinion with an encouraging smile.

Paulette seemed grateful and went on, plucking at some unseen flaw in the sofa upholstery.

”Oh”*she rolled her eyes*”this is so embarra.s.sing.

But it was kind of scary so I might as well tell you. I said a few things to Bill, about him maybe looking for another place to live. But instead of taking the hint, he just settled in more.

In fact, he got real friendly, if you know what I mean.” She wiggled her brows. There was no doubt about what she meant but Paulette filled them in anyway.

”He was acting the same way he acted with my mom. It was like he couldn't tell the difference between us.”

Paulette rubbed away the goose b.u.mps on her arm.

”Now I can't tell you I wasn't flattered in a way.”

She laughed deeply and rolled her eyes as if to say see-how-stupid-I-can-be.

”But it was a really small way. I always thought he was handsome and everything, just there wasn't any chemistry between us. I didn't like him, or want him, or anything. I told him to stop but sometimes I thought it was my imagination that he was coming on to me at all. He started doing these little affectionate things.

Touching my shoulder, giving it a rub. Kissing the top of my head. And when I complained, he just laughed and told me I was dreaming. Well, one day I knew it wasn't my imagination and I told him to stop.”

Paulette pulled the dish towel tight in her hands and twisted it to match the expression on her face.

Tara felt along with her. She felt those eyes of his, the small touches, the final, unmistakable come-on.

It made her sick to think of them.

”He can be intimidating,” Tara murmured and Paulette looked at her closely. The two women understood something that Ben could not, even if he spent the next ten years locked in a room with Bill Hamilton.

”Yes. That's the word,” she agreed quietly.

”You want to go on?” Tara asked. Paulette nodded.

”I had a boyfriend. He's my husband now, but he was my boyfriend then, and Bill knew it all along.” She caught herself, hearing the nervous undertones of her protest. Paulette took a deep breath and began again.

”Mom had left him some money and he had plenty to move out on, but every morning I'd wake up and he'd still be there: saying all those things, touching me. He was starting to scare me.”

Paulette's voice shook a bit, just a quaver on the deep tones. Tara sat up straighter and noticed Ben was leaning closer. Without thinking, Tara touched Paulette's shoulder for encouragement. Paulette smiled weakly.

”One day, Bill was sitting on the couch, and I was folding clothes at the dining room table. Always a load going with so many kids. Anyway, Joey, my littlest one, was just learning to walk. So he was talking baby talk and toddling by when Bill stuck out his foot and tripped him. This little tiny boy.”

Paulette's eyes were wide and disbelieving even now. She had shoved her own foot out as if Ben and Tara needed to see exactly how Bill had done it.

”Joey fell down and hit his head on the coffee table and started to cry. Bill just looked at him.

That was all. I ran and got Joey and held him and patted him. I gave Bill a dirty look, but I didn't know what to say, so I didn't say anything. And I'm ashamed of that. But I was scared right then.

I mean, if he could do that to a little kid and watch him cry, what would he do to me? I just hoped he would get tired of the kids and noise and me not liking him. But that day I knew he wouldn't go just because I was mad at him or because I wanted him to. That man had his own mind about things, and there was no way to plan because he never did anything the normal way.”

”Was that it, then?” Ben asked.

”He let the baby cry?”

”Sorry.” Paulette had lost her train of thought but she was back on it now.

”Joey was crying and Bill stood up and put his fingers to his head, like this.” She put her Fingers on her temples, her eyes closed.

”Then he put his hands down real slowly.”

Paulette's eyes came open. She looked at both of them and lowered her voice as if they were around a campfire and she was charged with telling a horrible tale.

”Joey was only whimpering by that time, and Bill took two steps and he was right beside me. I held the baby closer and turned away *cause I thought he might hurt him again. But Bill reached out and gently put his hand right on top of my head. But it wasn't a nice touch. It felt real heavy and he let it lay there for a long, long time while he looked at us. I thought I'd had it then. I was hardly breathing.”

Paulette gave three short hard breaths as if she wanted to make sure she could breathe now.

”Do you need a drink of water?” Tara offered, wanting to do something to keep her own skin from crawling, knowing Paulette had to feel twice as bad as she. Tara could feel Bill Hamilton's hand as if it lay on her own head.

”No, thanks.” Paulette brightened momentarily.

”Do you want us to come back? Do you want to do this another time?”

Tara asked.

”Oh gosh, no. I don't think I'd ever want to tell this again. I never told my husband *cause he'd kill Bill if he knew.” She laughed a little as if pleased that she should inspire such pa.s.sion. She continued, ”So, he has his hand on my head.

Then he just walks outside. It was strange because he didn't make any noise and he had that great smile on his face. I bet you've seen it. Handsome as can be.” Tara nodded.

”He went outside and disappeared for a minute.

I watched through the door because he left it open, and then I saw him come back. He had a sledgehammer. Well, I'll tell you, my heart just stopped.” She put a hand to her ample chest as if to make sure the beat went on.

”He looked at me. Him out in that suns.h.i.+ne, me in the dark of the house. Then he smiled bigger and he picked that hammer up and whacked the dog right in the head.