Part 35 (2/2)

Ben sat forward.

”Did you divorce because Bill didn't like your husband?” In Vera's eyes there was venom. Bingo. He smiled at her.

”Did you do everything Bill wanted you to do when he was small?”

”You watch out for your kid,” Vera said, and took a long drag off her cigarette, her eyes never leaving Ben's. He could figure it out and she was going to let him. But it was Tara's turn to tug the leash. She pulled Vera's attention her way, anxious to peel away the layers and find out exactly who Bill Hamilton was.

”Mrs. Hamilton, why were you so relieved when you thought he was in jail? Have you been in touch with Bill? Are you aware of the crime he says he committed?”

Sliding her eyes toward Tara, she stared at the younger woman. The change in Vera was incredible.

She filled out, or up, with her importance.

She smiled, sucking on the cigarette and blowing out her information with the smoke.

”Which one? Burning down Mr. Taylor's shed in the back of the house when we lived in Albuquerque?

Chasing after that other woman when she didn't want anything to do with him, scaring her half to death? Scaring me half to death? Killing animals and driving like a madman? Talking like a madman? Staring at you, putting his arm around you, whispering things? Which crime are you talking about? He's a criminal no matter what you're talking about, and I'd be the first one to turn the key in the lock if you could get him near a cell.”

Tara's eyes flicked toward Ben, who looked back expressionless. Vera Hamilton saw it all and it pleased her to no end to have them looking so hungrily at the carrot she dangled. She narrowed her eyes and warned, ”I don't want him back. I'll tell you what you need to know, but I don't want him. Do you understand? I had to pick up and move because I was afraid he'd come back.”

Tara gestured toward Ben and included herself.

”If you're afraid of Bill, arrangements can be made to help protect you.”

”Hah!” Vera was getting c.o.c.ky now. c.o.c.ky and nervous and neither Ben nor Tara missed the last inflection. Uncomfortable in the silence, Vera talked.

”I'm afraid of Bill. He's got a mean streak in him. But I'm more afraid of him because he can make me do anything. I can't help that. I don't want to see him because of it. I'm tapped out. There's nothing left.” She looked from Ben to Tara, received no pity, and let out a deep sigh.

”Oh h.e.l.l, what's the use. What do you want to know?”

”We want to know your impressions of your son, some factual details about work, education, friends.

Fill us in on his mental state. Diagnosis. Times he's most vulnerable to violence. Things he dislikes.

Anything.”

Vera's eyes flashed and behind them, behind the gray eyes so like her son's, were memories that obviously had been wrestled with. She began slowly.

”He's a creature. That's what he is,” she said quietly.

”I don't think he's even human. He's handsome.

d.a.m.n, he's handsome. But then you've seen that for yourself.”

Vera Hamilton bowed her head as if mourning, before raising it slightly so her eyes found a midpoint between Ben's feet and his face. Maybe if he'd been a priest, there would have been solace in this confession, some peace gained by looking him in the eye.

”I loved that boy like nothing you've ever seen.

Having him was the best thing I ever did. It was a good pregnancy. An easy birth. I held him in my arms and it didn't matter if he had a father or not.” She sighed.

”I guess that's why his father didn't stay around too long. When you're that crazy in love with your baby, there isn't a whole lot of room for a real man.”

The cigarette had burned down to her fingertips. Vera stubbed it out and lit another.

”Women would come up to me in the grocery store and tell me what a heartbreaker Bill was going to be. Even then he'd smile so prettily. Those women would swoon over a little boy: five, six, seven. Just a kid, and he had power over them.”

Vera's head was shaking again. She took a drag and blew a perfect smoke ring.

”I swear I didn't know how I got so lucky. His father wasn't any great shakes in the looks department.” She looked at Ben, needing to tell someone. Then she decided Tara was the one who would understand.

”One day, when he was bigger, everything changed. I didn't love my son anymore. I was in love with him, and the worst part was he knew it.

When Bill figured that out, he used me for target practice. The way he talked. The way he touched. I gave him everything he wanted. All my money, everything. I was so taken with him. For a while I thought I was just being a good mother. But when he was twelve, maybe thirteen, I figured out something was wrong with us. That's when I sent him to therapy.”

She smoked faster, but talked slower now.

”I thought if he could learn to control himself, then maybe I could get back to being a regular woman, get rid of all those weird feelings. It worked for a while, but then he'd come up and put his hand on my hair or look at me with those eyes just like a movie, for goodness' sake. You know where two people just fall into each other's arms, all hot and bothered. But this was my kid.”

She put her free hand to her breast and pounded lightly for emphasis.

”My son. How could I ever have felt any of that?” Her hand went down, and when the smoke cleared, Vera Hamilton showed them a face full of pain. Tara wanted to look away.

She didn't.

”Was there anyone to help you?” Tara asked.

Vera rolled her eyes, ”Please. Who'd help with something like that?

Who would I tell?”

Tara had no answer. The shame this woman felt plainly consumed her.

Vera talked to Ben.

”We never did anything. I want you to know that. And for a long time the pills helped. Then, out of the blue, he'd be strange again, like he was trying to seduce me.” Vera smiled.

”I used to be an executive secretary, you know.

Fabulous job. Benefits, everything.” The smile was gone as quickly as it had come.

”Then Bill started hanging around work. He hung around the boss's wife, and I got jealous. Lord.” Her head fell back, snapped forward almost immediately, and she reached for another cigarette.

”He banged the boss's wife. I made a scene like a jealous lover. Got another job; it happened again. Let me tell you, don't believe a thing he says. Don't do anything for him except put him in jail. Don't talk to him, or he'll convince you he's something he isn't.

Don't let him touch you,” she spoke to Tara now, ”or you'll be the same as every other woman he ever touched. You'll be lost.”

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