Part 5 (1/2)

[_Enter Mr. Footlyte, the manager, amid a chorus of salutations._

_Stage Man._ Places, ladies and gentlemen.

_Mr. Footlyte._ Before we begin the rehearsal, I would point out that I have completely rewritten the second act, and----

_The Stranger in the Ulster._ But, sir, I beg of you to remember----

_Mr. F._ Who is that man?

_Everybody._ We don't know!

_Mr. F. (advancing)._ Who are you, sir, who dare to trespa.s.s on my premises?

_The S. in the U._ Don't you remember me, Mr. Footlyte?

_Mr. F._ No, sir, I do not. What's your business?

_The S. in the U. (nervously)._ I am the author of the piece.

_Everybody._ Ha! ha! ha!

_Mr. F._ Then you're not wanted here. (_To stage manager._) Jenkins, clear the stage.

[_The author is shown out. Rehearsal proceeds. Curtain._

MEANT AS A COMPLIMENT.--_Shakspeare Smith (to Miss Lagushe, after production of his new comedy)._ And what did you think of my little piece the other night?

_Miss Lagushe._ I didn't pay the least attention to the play. All I thought was, what a cruel ordeal the performance must be for _you_!

NEO-DRAMATIC NURSERY RHYME

Mrs. Grundy, good woman, scarce knew what to think About the relation 'twixt drama and drink.

Well, give hall--and theatre--good wholesome diet, And all who attend will be sober and quiet!

[Ill.u.s.tration: _Younger Son of Ducal House._ ”Mother, allow me to introduce to you--my wife.”

_His Wife (late of the Frivolity Theatre)._ ”How do, d.u.c.h.ess? I'm the latest thing in mesalliances!”]

HINTS TO AMATEUR PLAYWRIGHTS.