Part 4 (2/2)
[38 ADVENTURES OF MR. VERDANT GREEN]
on the premises'. So when the Master came to know who it was as did it, which in course the porter told him, he said as how Mr. Bouncer had better go down into the country for a year, for change of hair, and to visit his friends.”
”Very kind, indeed, of Dr. Portman,” said our hero, who missed the moral of the story, and took the rustication for a kind forgiveness of injuries.
”Just what Mr. Bouncer said, sir,” replied the scout, ”he said it ~were~ pertickler kind and thoughtful. This is his room, sir, he come up on'y yesterday.” And he pointed to a door, above which was painted in white letters on a black ground, ”BOUNCER.”
”Why,” said Mr. Green to his son, ”now I think of it, Bouncer was the name of that short young gentleman who came with us on the coach yesterday, and made himself so - so unpleasant with a tin horn.”
”That's the gent, sir,” observed the scout; ”that's Mr. Bouncer, agoing the complete unicorn, as he calls it. I dare say you'll find him a pleasant neighbour, sir. Your rooms is next to his.”
With some doubts of these prospective pleasures, the Mr. Greens, ~pere et fils~, entered through a double door painted over the outside, with the name of ”SMALLS”; to which Mr. Filcher directed our hero's attention by saying, ”You can have that name took out, sir, and your own name painted in. Mr. Smalls has just moved hisself to the other quad, and that's why the rooms is vacant, sir.”
Mr. Filcher then went on to point out the properties and capabilities of the rooms, and also their mechanical contrivances.
”This is the hoak, this 'ere outer door is, sir, which the gentlemen sports, that is to say, shuts, sir, when they're a readin'. Not as Mr. Smalls ever hinterfered with his const.i.tootion by too much 'ard study, sir; he only sported his hoak when people used to get troublesome about their little bills. Here's a place for coals, sir, though Mr. Smalls, he kept his bull-terrier there, which was agin the regulations, as ~you~ know, sir.” (Verdant nodded his head, as though he were perfectly aware of the fact.) ”This ere's your bed-room, sir.
Very small, did you say, sir? Oh, no, sir; not by no means! ~We~ thinks that in college reether a biggish bed-room, sir. Mr. Smalls thought so, sir, and he's in his second year, ~he~ is.” (Mr. Filcher thoroughly understood the science of ”flooring” a freshman.)
”This is ~my~ room, sir, this is, for keepin' your cups and saucers, and wine-gla.s.ses and tumblers, and them sort o' things, and was.h.i.+n'
'em up when you wants 'em. If you likes to keep
[AN OXFORD FRESHMAN 39]
your wine and sperrits here, sir - Mr. Smalls always did - you'll find it a nice cool place, sir: or else here's this 'ere winder-seat; you see, sir, it opens with a lid, 'andy for the purpose.”
”If you act upon that suggestion, Verdant,” remarked Mr. Green aside to his son, ”I trust that a lock will be added.”
There was not a superfluity of furniture in the room; and Mr. Smalls having conveyed away the luxurious part of it, that which was left had more of the useful than the ornamental character; but as Mr.
Verdant Green was no Sybarite, this <vg039.jpg> point was but of little consequence. The window looked with a sunny aspect down upon the quad, and over the opposite buildings were seen the spires of churches, the dome of the Radcliffe, and the gables, pinnacles, and turrets of other colleges. This was pleasant enough: pleasanter than the stale odours of the Virginian weed that rose from the faded green window-curtains, and from the old Kidderminster carpet that had been charred and burnt into holes with the f.a.g-ends of cigars.
”Well, Verdant,” said Mr. Green, when they had completed their inspection, ”the rooms are not so very bad, and I think you may be able to make yourself comfortable in them. But I wish they were not so high up. I don't see how you can escape if a fire was to break out, and I am afraid collegians must be very careless on these points. Indeed, your mother made me promise that I would speak to Dr. Portman about it, and ask
[40 ADVENTURES OF MR. VERDANT GREEN]
him to please to allow your tutor, or somebody, to see that your fire was safely raked out at night; and I had intended to have done so, but somehow it quite escaped me. How your mother and all at home would like to see you in your own college room!” And the thoughts of father and son flew back to the Manor Green and its occupants, who were doubtless at the same time thinking of them.
Mr. Filcher then explained the system of thirds, by which the furniture of the room was to be paid for; and, having accompanied his future master and Mr. Green downstairs, <vg040.jpg> the latter accomplis.h.i.+ng the descent not without difficulty and contusions, and having pointed out the way to Mr. Slowcoach's rooms, Mr. Robert Filcher relieved his feelings by indulging in a ballet of action, or ~pas d'extase~; in which poetry of motion he declared his joy at the last valuable addition to Brazenface, and his own perquisites.
Mr. Slowcoach was within, and would see Mr. Verdant Green. So that young gentleman, trembling with agitation, and feeling as though he would have given pounds for the staircase to have been as high as that of Babel, followed the servant upstairs, and left his father, in almost as great a state of nervousness, pacing the quad below. But it was not the formidable affair, nor was Mr. Slowcoach the formidable man, that Mr. Verdant Green had antic.i.p.ated; and by the time that he had turned a piece of ~Spectator~ into Latin, our hero had somewhat recovered his usual equanimity of mind and serenity of expression: and the construing of half a dozen lines of Livy and Homer, and the answering of a few questions, was a mere form; for Mr.
Slowcoach's long practice enabled him to see in a very few minutes if the freshman before him (however nervous he might be) had the usual average of abilities, and was up to the business of lectures. So Mr.
Verdant Green was soon dismissed, and returned to his father radiant and happy.
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