Part 7 (2/2)
The parents, the perpetrators of such an outrage against nature, are not the only sufferers. Look at the children which they bring into the world! Let Dr. Gardner speak again:--
”Children, the issue of old men, are habitually marked by a serious and sad air spread over their countenances, which is manifestly very opposite to the infantile expression which so delights one in the little children of the same age engendered under other conditions. As they grow up, their features take on more and more the senile character; so much so that every one remarks it, and the world regards it as a natural thing. The old mothers pretend that it is an old head on young shoulders. They predict an early death to these children, and the event frequently justifies the horoscope. Our attention has for many years been fixed upon this point, and we can affirm that the greater part of the offspring of these connections are weak, torpid, lymphatic, if not scrofulous, and do not promise a long career.”
In old age the seminal fluid becomes greatly deteriorated. Even at the best, its component elements could only represent decrepitude and infirmity, degeneration and senility. In view of such facts, says Dr.
Acton,--
”We are, therefore, forced to the conclusion that the children of old men have an inferior chance of life; and facts daily observed confirm our deductions. Look but at the progeny of such marriages; what is its value? As far as I have seen, it is the worst kind--spoilt childhood, feeble and precocious youth, extravagant manhood, early and premature death.”
Unions of an opposite character to those just considered, wherein a young man marries a woman much older than himself, are more rare than those of the other cla.s.s. They are, perhaps, less deplorable in their physical effects, but still highly reprehensible. They are seldom prompted by pure motives, and can be productive of no good. Children resulting from such unions are notably weak, unbalanced, and sorry specimens of humanity.
We have scarcely referred to the domestic misery which may result from these disgraceful unions. If a young girl is brought home by a widower to preside over his grown-up daughters, perhaps old enough to be her mother, all the elements are provided for such a domestic h.e.l.l as could only be equaled by circ.u.mstances precisely similar. If children are born, neither father nor mother is fit to act the part of a parent to them. The father, by reason of his age, is fitful, uncertain, and childish; to-day too lenient, to-morrow too exacting. The mother is pettish, childish, indulgent, impatient, and as unskilled in government as unfit for motherhood. In the midst of all this misrule, the child grows up undisciplined, uncultivated, unsubdued; a misery to his parents, a disgrace to his friends, a dishonor to himself.
”What shall I do with him? and what will he do with me?” was the question asked by a girl of eighteen whose parents were urging her to marry an old man; and every young woman would do well to propound it under similar circ.u.mstances.
Were we disposed to define more specifically the conditions necessary to secure the most harmonious matrimonial unions, it would be useless to do so; for unions of this sort never have been, and never will be--with rare exceptions--formed in accordance with a prescribed method independent of any emotional bias. Nor is it probable that such a plan would result in remedying, in any appreciable degree, existing evils. It is a fact too patent to be ignored that a very large share of the unhappiness in the world arises from ill-mated marriages; but it is also true that nearly the whole of this unhappiness might be averted if the parties themselves would endeavor to lessen the differences between them by mutual approximation.
Courts.h.i.+p.--We cannot well avoid devoting a few paragraphs to a part of the subject so important as this, especially as it affords an opportunity for pointing out some evils too patent and too perilous to be ignored.
Courting, in the sense in which we use the word, is distinctly an American custom. The social laws of other civilized countries are such as to preclude the possibility of the almost unrestrained a.s.sociation of the s.e.xes in youth which we see in this country. We do not offer this fact as an argument in favor of foreign social customs, by any means, although in this one particular they often present great advantages, since in the majority of instances other evils as great or even greater are encouraged. We mention the fact simply for the purpose of bringing into bold relief the evils of the characteristic American looseness in this particular.
A French matron would be horrified at the idea of a young man asking her daughter to accompany him alone on an evening ride, to a lecture, concert, or other place of amus.e.m.e.nt, and much more should he ask the privilege of sitting up all night in the parlor with the light turned down, after the rest of the family had retired. Among respectable people in France such liberties are not tolerated; and a young man who should propose such things would be dismissed from the house instantly, and would be regarded as unfit for a.s.sociation with virtuous people. If a young man calls upon a young lady for the purpose of making her acquaintance, he sees both her and her mother, or an aunt or older sister.
He never sees her alone. If he invites her to ride, or to accompany him to an entertainment of any sort, he must always invite her lady friend also; she goes along at any rate. There is afforded no chance for solitary moonlight strolls or rides, nor any other of the similar opportunities made so common by American courting customs. We are no advocates of the formal modes of contracting matrimonial alliances common among many nations, and ill.u.s.trations of which we find at all ages of the world. For example, among the ancient a.s.syrians it was a custom to sell wives to the highest bidder, at auction, the sums received for the handsomer one being given to the less favored ones as a dowry, to secure a husband for every woman. The same custom prevailed in Babylon in ancient times, and has been practiced in modern times in Russia. At St. Petersburg, not many years ago, an annual sale of wives was held on Whit Sunday, after the same plan followed by the a.s.syrians.
Among the early Jews it seems to have been the custom for parents to select wives for their sons. In the case of Isaac, this important matter was intrusted to an old and experienced servant, who was undoubtedly considered much more competent to select a wife for the young man than he was himself. The same custom has been handed down even to the present time among some oriental nations. In many cases the parties are not allowed to see each other until after the wedding ceremony is completed.
The Hungarians often betroth their children while they are yet in their cradles, as did the Mexicans and Brazilians of the last century. In some countries it has even been customary to betroth girls conditionally before they were born. The primitive Moravians seem to have adhered to the ancient Jewish custom in some degree, though making the selection of a wife a matter of chance. The old people did all the courting there was done, which was not much. When a young man desired a wife, a helpmeet was selected for him by casting lots among the marriageable young ladies of the community, and the young man was obliged to abide by the decision, it being supposed that Providence controlled the selection. We are not prepared to say that the young man ran any greater risk of getting an uncongenial or undesirable life companion by this mode of selection than by the more modern modes in vogue among us.
As before remarked, we do not present these customs as ill.u.s.trations of what might be considered a proper mode of conducting the preliminary steps of matrimonial alliances. On the contrary, we unhesitatingly p.r.o.nounce them decidedly objectionable on moral grounds if not on others, and we can readily see that such unions must have been in many cases exceedingly unsatisfactory.
In various other countries, marriage customs quite the opposite from those described have been in vogue. In Irving's ”Knickerbocker's History of New York,” a somewhat humorous account is given of a custom which has prevailed in some parts of this country as well as others, even within the memory of persons living at the present day, and is, indeed, said to be not yet altogether obsolete in Finland. The author, in dwelling upon the social customs of the early Dutch settlers of New York, describes ”a singular custom prevalent among them, commonly known by the name of _bundling_,--a superst.i.tious rite observed by the young people of both s.e.xes, with which they usually terminated their festivities, and which was kept up with religious strictness by the more bigoted part of the community. This ceremony was likewise, in those primitive times, considered as an indispensable preliminary to matrimony, their courts.h.i.+ps commencing where ours usually finish,--by which means they acquired that intimate acquaintance with each other's good qualities before marriage, which has been p.r.o.nounced by philosophers the sure basis of a happy union. Thus early did this cunning and ingenious people display a shrewdness of making a bargain, which has ever since distinguished them.”
”To this sagacious custom, therefore, do I chiefly attribute the unparalleled increase of the Yanokie or Yankee race; for it is a certain fact, well authenticated by court records and parish registers, that, wherever the practice of bundling prevailed, there was an amazing number of st.u.r.dy brats annually born into the State, without the license of the law, or the benefit of clergy.”
Long Courts.h.i.+ps.--Chiefly for the reasons presented in the preceding paragraphs, we are opposed to long courts.h.i.+ps and long engagements.
They are productive of no good, and are not infrequently the occasion of much evil. There may be circ.u.mstances which render a prolonged engagement necessary and advisable; but, in general, they are to be avoided.
On the other hand, hasty marriages are still more to be deprecated, especially when, as is too commonly the case, the probability is so great that pa.s.sion is the actuating motive far more than true love.
Marriage is a matter of most serious consequences, and deserving of the most careful deliberation. Too often matrimony is entered upon without any more substantial a.s.surance of happiness as the result than the individual has of securing a valuable prize who buys a ticket in a lottery scheme. In the majority of cases, young people learn more of each other's real character within six weeks after marriage than they discovered during as many months of courting. To every young man and woman we say, Look well before you leap; consider well, carefully, and prayerfully. A leap in the dark is a fearful risk, and will be far more likely to land you in a domestic purgatory than anywhere else.
Do not be dazzled by a handsome face, an agreeable address, a brilliant or piquant manner. Choose, rather, modesty, simplicity, sincerity, morality, qualities of heart and mind, rather than exterior embellishments.
”It is folly,” suggests a friend, ”to give advice on these subjects, for no one will follow advice on this point, no matter how sensible and reasonable he may be on all other subjects. The emotions carry the individual away, and the reason loses control.” This is all too true, in nearly all cases. We believe in affection. The emotions have their part to act. We have no sympathy with the theories of those who will have all marriages made by rule. But reason must be allowed a voice in the matter; and although there may be a time when the overwhelming force of the emotions may force the reason and judgment into the background, there has been a time previous when the judgment might have held control. Let every young man and woman be most scrupulously careful how he allows emotional excitement to gain the ascendency. When once reason is stifled, the individual is in a most precarious situation.
It is far better and easier to prevent the danger than to escape from it.
Flirtation.--We cannot find language sufficiently emphatic to express proper condemnation of one of the most popular forms of amus.e.m.e.nt indulged in at the present day in this country, under the guise of innocent a.s.sociation of the s.e.xes. By the majority of people, flirtation is looked upon as harmless, if not useful, as some even consider, claiming that the experience gained by such a.s.sociations is valuable to young persons, by making them familiar with the customs of society and the ways of the world. We have not the slightest hesitation in p.r.o.nouncing flirtation as pernicious in the extreme. It exerts a malign influence alike upon the mental, the moral, and the physical const.i.tution of those who indulge it. The young lady who has become infatuated with a pa.s.sion for flirting, courting the society of young men simply for the pleasure derived from their attentions, is educating herself in a school which will totally unfit her for the enjoyment of domestic peace and happiness should she have all the conditions necessary for such enjoyment other than those which she herself must furnish. More than this, she is very likely laying the foundation for lifelong disease by the dissipation, late hours, late suppers, evening exposures, fas.h.i.+onable dressing, etc., the almost certain accompaniments of the vice we are considering. She is surely sacrificing a life of real true happiness for the transient fascinations of unreal enjoyment, pernicious excitement.
It may be true, and undoubtedly is the case, that the greater share of the guilt of flirtation lies at the door of the female s.e.x; but there do exist such detestable creatures as male flirts. In general, the male flirt is a much less worthy character than the young lady who makes a pastime of flirtation. He is something more than a flirt. In nine cases out of ten, he is a rake as well. His object in flirting is to gratify a mean propensity at the expense of those who are pure and unsophisticated. He is skilled in the arts of fascination and intrigue.
Slowly he winds his coils about his victim, and before she is aware of his real character, she has lost her own.
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