Part 6 (2/2)

On returning on board I found a note for me from the captain, to acquaint me that we were to sail in a few days for Black River, in order to collect a homeward-bound convoy, as we were ordered to England. I withdrew my heart from the different little snug rooms I had left it in, and placed it on the right hook. I was so much elated that my dinner went from table untouched. I kept conjuring up Paradises, Elysian fields, and a number of other places never heard of, inhabited by women more beautiful than Eastern imagery can possibly describe-so fair, so chaste, so lovely, and so domestic. ”Oh!” said I aloud, to the astonishment of my messmates, who were much occupied with their knives and forks, ”give me but one of those fair ones, and I will not eat my dinner for a month.” ”Hulloa!” said the surgeon, ”what's the matter with you?” ”Nothing,” replied I; ”the illusion is vanished, and I will take a gla.s.s of wine with you. I cannot eat, my mind is too full of England, and my heart crowded with its delightful fair ones. What unfeeling sea monsters you are all of you,” continued I, ”to be eating with such voracious appet.i.tes when you know we are going to glorious England-the land of freedom and genuine hospitality.” ”Not so fast,” said he, interrupting me; ”how long is it since you were there?”

”Nearly eight years,” said I. ”I fear,” resumed he, ”you will not have your dreams-for dreams they are-verified. I was there eighteen months ago, and found freedom in the mouths of the lower cla.s.ses, who evidently did not understand the meaning of it, and when they did they only used it as a cloak to do mischief, for demagoguing-if you will allow the term-was the order of the day at that time, and as for hospitality that has, as you may express yourself, made sail and gone to cruise into some other climate. I had letters to two families from their relations in India; they asked me to dinner in a stiff, formal manner, and thought, I suppose, they had performed wonders. There our acquaintance ended. I am an Irishman,”

continued he, ”and I a.s.sert without partiality that there is more real hospitality in my land of praters than in all Europe. Freedom we will not talk about; but as for the women, dear creatures, they are a mixture of roses and lilies, and such busts, like dairy maids, sure,” said he; ”don't say anything more about them, or I shall be what has never happened to an Irishman yet-out of spirits.” ”Now,” said I, ”doctor, we have found you out. You lost your heart when in England, and were not requited by the cruel fair one.” ”Fair or foul,” answered he, ”I would not give one Munster girl for a dozen English. To be sure,” added he to a young Irish mids.h.i.+pman, whose turn it was to dine in the gun-room, ”they are rather thick about the trotters, and their heels are to be compared to their red potatoes, but the upper part of their figures-say no more. Come, messmate, let's drink a speedy pa.s.sage and soon, as a worthy alderman did at a Guildhall dinner.” ”You mistake, doctor,” said the second lieutenant, ”he gave for a toast, a speedy peace and soon.” ”Never mind,” said the doctor, ”it will be all the same a hundred years hence; an Irishman is always allowed to speak twice.” Our parting with our washerwomen and other friends was pathetic in the extreme; their precious tears were sufficient to fill several (but as I did not measure them I cannot say how many) monkeys.

”Oh, Gramercy, my lob!” said my lady to me, ”I neber shall see you no more; but I hope dat you member dat Julia lob you more den he can tell.

No,” said she, turning aside, ”n.o.body can lob like poor me one, Julia.”

She appeared overwhelmed with grief, and I felt my situation awkward and pathetically silly, as she had followed me down to the boat, and the eyes of several boats' crews with their young, laughing wicked mids, were on us. I shook hands for the last time and jumped into the boat with a tear rolling down my cheek from my starboard eye. Reader, I beg you will not pity me, for I was not in love. I was what an old maiden cousin would have called imprudent.

CHAPTER XIII.

HOME AGAIN.

Ordered to the Black River-Meet the magistrate there, and ”bow to his bishop”-Sail with a convoy of thirty s.h.i.+ps-Arrive at Deal-A cruise on horseback on a baker's nag, which conscientiously goes the bread round-The Author's brother comes on board, but he fails to recognise him-Paid off at Deptford.

At daylight next morning we catted the anchors, made all sail, and were the next day reposing like a swan in a lake at Black River. As notices from the merchants at Kingston had been sent to the different ports round the island that two men-of-war were going to take convoy to England, we were soon joined by several West Indiamen. This place can scarcely be called even a village, there being so few houses, and those straggling.

The first time I went on sh.o.r.e I was called to by a stout man wearing a linen jacket and trousers, with an immense broad-brimmed straw hat on his head, and his address was abrupt and by no means polished. ”What s.h.i.+p,”

said he, ”officer?” ”The _Volage_,” replied I, not in love with the person's face, which was bluish-red, with a large nose. ”Then,” said he, ”you b.l.o.o.d.y dog, come and bow to my bishop,” pointing to the best house there. I stared with astonishment, and was turning away presuming he was a cloth in the wind or some madman escaped from his keeper. ”Ho, ho! but you can't go before you have bowed to my bishop,” he again called out; ”come with me to my house, and we shall be better acquainted.” He took my arm; I thought him a character, which I afterwards found he was, and gave in to his whim. On entering the verandah of the house, which was shaded by close Venetian blinds and very cool, he stopped before an immense large jug in the shape of a bishop. It was placed on a bracket slab, so that to drink out of the corner of its hat, which was its beak or spout, you were obliged to stoop. This I found he called bowing to his bishop. It contained delicious sangaree, and I bowed to it without being entreated to do so a second time. ”Now,” said he, ”you b.l.o.o.d.y dog, you have complied like a good fellow with my first request. Your captain dines with me to-morrow; I must insist on your doing so too, and then I shall consider you an obedient officer and worthy to bow to my bishop whenever you are thirsty. My dinner-hour is five o'clock, and as I am the magistrate of this overgrown metropolis I admit of no excuse.” I could not help smiling at this rough urbanity. I accepted the invitation, and at the appointed hour repaired to his house with the captain and surgeon. He received us with great good humour, and insisted, as we were b.l.o.o.d.y dogs-I understood afterwards he was very partial to naval officers and always called them by that pet name-that we should bow to his bishop before dinner. We met at his table our kind acquaintance Mr. S., his daughter, another gentleman, his wife and two nieces, who were going to England in one of the s.h.i.+ps of the convoy. The dining-room was entirely of cedar, and the floor like a mirror, very s.p.a.cious, and it partly projected over the river. Above the dining-table was a large punkah, which was kept in constant motion during dinner by two young grinning black girls. The table groaned with good things, and we did ample justice to our host's entertainment. He was evidently a great humourist, and amused us at dinner by relating anecdotes of Lord Rodney and Admiral Benbow's time. ”There are,” said he, ”twelve tough old fellows, of which I am the chairman, who keep up the twelfth of April by an annual dinner, and as he never flinched from the enemy, we never flinch from the bottle, and keep it up till daylight, when we are so gloriously sober that we are carried home by our slaves.” ”Is it true,”

said he, addressing the captain, ”that Sir Eyre Coote is to supersede the Earl of B. as Governor of our Islands? Do you know anything of him?” ”Only from report,” was the reply; ”I think he distinguished himself by a brilliant victory over Hyder Ali in the East Indies.” ”Why, the devil,”

said he, ”I beg your pardon, ladies, for swearing, do they send us soldiers as governors? We want something in the shape of a statesman with a lawyer's head, with his wig and litigation. I have no fault to find with the earl; he has governed us very fairly, and I hope his successor will do the same, although we prefer a civilian to a soldier.”

After dinner we were amused by the feats of one of his household slaves named Paddy Whack, who threw somersaults round the drawing-room, walked on his hands, and afterwards threw himself several times from the highest part of the bridge, about twenty-four feet, into the river. After coffee we took leave of our eccentric but warm-hearted host, who, on shaking hands, insisted on our b.l.o.o.d.y dogs.h.i.+ps dining with him once more before we sailed. We promised to do so conditionally. Eighteen sail of merchant vessels had a.s.sembled, and we expected seven more. The surf had been high on the bar, and we had not had communication with the sh.o.r.e for the last two days. A canoe came off from Mr. C. with Paddy Whack, who delivered a note to the captain. ”What is it about, boy?” said he. ”Paper peak, ma.s.sa,” was the reply; ”Paddy only wait answer from Ma.s.sa Captain.” The note was a pressing invitation to dine on sh.o.r.e the following day, and included the captain and officers. As I had dined with the worthy planter I persuaded the second lieutenant to go. The rest of the convoy having joined us, our sails were again swelling to a strong sea-breeze. The convoy of thirty sail of sugar-laden s.h.i.+ps were hovering round us like chickens round the mother hen. Four others joined us at Bluefields, and off Negril Point we fell in with the S. frigate, with the former Governor of Jamaica on board and three other West Indiamen. The captain went on board the S. to pay his respects and to receive his orders.

After his return on board the signal was made to make all sail, and away we bowled for the Gulf of Florida. We touched at the Caymans for turtle, and were cheated as usual. Nothing particular occurred during our pa.s.sage but our nearly being run down by one of the s.h.i.+ps of the convoy, and my having my left shoulder uns.h.i.+pped by being washed off one of the weather guns by a heavy sea, which obliged me to keep my cot for more than a fortnight. The eighth week brought us in sight of the Land's End, when we repeated the signal for the convoy to separate for their respective ports.

Those bound to London kept company with us as far as the Downs. I longed to be once more on my native sh.o.r.e, but I was doomed to be mortified for two days, as the surf on the beach was too high to admit a boat to land.

On the third day I jumped on sh.o.r.e with a light heart and a thin pair of trousers, and repaired to the ”Hoop and Griffin.” I had a desperate desire to have a cruise on horseback. I rang the bell, which was answered by one of the finest formed young women I ever beheld. I was taken aback, and my heart, which I had brought from the West Indies, went like the handle of the chain pumps up and down. ”What do you please to want, sir,” said she, with a most musically toned voice. I blushed and modestly requested to have a horse as soon as he could be got ready. ”I am really sorry, sir,”

answered she, ”that all our horses are post-horses, but” continued she, with the gentlest accent in this world and probably many more, ”we will procure you one.” ”Many thanks,” said I; ”and will you oblige me by sending up some bread and b.u.t.ter with some oysters, but not those which are gathered from the mangrove trees,” for I had the West Indies in my mind. ”Gathered from trees!-oysters from trees! I never heard of such a thing before,” said she, and she went laughing out of the room. The waiter soon appeared with what I had ordered, and a foaming tankard of ale which I had forgotten to order. During my repast I envied no one. I was as happy as a city alderman at a Lord Mayor's feast; I could not contain myself or believe I was in England; I could not sit quietly in my chair; I paced the room, jumped, rubbed my hands and head, and in one of my ecstatic fits I rang the bell. My beautiful maid (not Braham's) entered as I was cutting a caper extraordinary. ”Did you ring, sir?” said she with a smile becoming an angel. ”I believe I did,” I replied, ”but I am not certain. I scarcely know what I am about. I have eaten my oysters, and now I wish for my horse.” ”He is not quite ready yet, sir. You said something about oysters growing on trees, didn't you, sir. I told it to my mother, and she thinks I did not understand what you said. Will you be good enough to tell me if they grow in orchards like our apples?” ”I have seen thousands, and have eaten thousands that have grown on trees,” said I, ”but not in orchards.

The tree that bears them grows close to the water side; its lower branches dip into it, and are cl.u.s.tered by the sh.e.l.l-fish, which are very small, and you may swallow a dozen at a mouthful.” ”Thank you, sir; my mother I am sure will believe me now. I will desire John to take away. Did you like our country oysters as well as those in foreign parts?” ”They are,” said I, ”like you, excellent.” ”I will see if the horse is ready,” said she, as she dropped a curtsey and quitted the room.

Shortly after up came John to announce my horse being at the door. ”Will you have a pair of master's spurs, sir?” said he. ”No, I thank you, my good fellow,” returned I. ”Lend me a whip, and I shall be able to manage without spurs.” Behold a sailor on horseback, gentle reader, to the admiration or astonishment of all the bystanders, of which there were as many as would man a king's cutter. I kept under moderate sail until I reached Middle Deal, when my companion brought up all standing at the door of a decent-looking house, nor could I make him again break ground until a maidservant opened the door. ”Lord,” said she, ”I thought it was the baker, sir, for you are on his horse.” ”That accounts,” I said, ”for his halting at your door. I wish, Betty, you would get him once more into plain sailing.” She most kindly took hold of the bridle and led him into the middle of the street. I now thought myself in the fair way, and I gave him a stroke with the whip, which I nearly repented, for he kicked up with his hind legs, and had not I seized the after part of the saddle I should have gone over his forecastle. I held on until he righted. After this freak, which was nearly knocking up my cruise, we jogged on steadily until we came to a narrow street, down which he turned in spite of all my endeavours to prevent him, and again hove to at the door of another house.

”This turning to windward,” thinks I, ”will never do. It reminds me of Commodore Trunnion making a Tom c.o.xe's traverse to fetch the church.”

Whilst I was puzzling my wise noddle what I was to do next, a man pa.s.sed me. ”I wish you would get this horse under weigh,” said I, ”for here have I been at single anchor for these five minutes at this door, and cannot cast him the right way.” ”Why,” said he, ”I knows that there horse; it be the baker's.” ”D--n the baker, and his horse too,” said I, not much pleased at his remark. ”You are close to the Canterbury road, and mayhap if I leads him he may go on.” ”You are the best fellow I have met for a quarter of an hour. Do get him into open cruising ground as fast as you can, for I have been on his back more than an hour, and have not gained half a mile.” He gave me a broad grin, and good-naturedly led the horse until I got clear of the houses. He then let go the bridle, gave the animal a smart slap on the flank, which set him off at a hand-gallop, and nearly jerked me over the taffrail. I kept him to his speed, and in about half an hour he stopped suddenly near a small farmhouse, and I was again nearly going over his bows. A slovenly kind of woman hove in sight. I hailed her, and asked her to bring me a tumbler of milk, but I might as well have spoken to a Porto Rico donkey. She showed me her stern, and brought up in a piggery. ”The devil take your hospitality,” said I. The weather was exceedingly warm, and I was very thirsty, which made me more hasty in my expressions to the Dulciana of the pigstye than I ought to have been. But show me the fair one who would not excuse a sailor thirsty and on the back of an animal as obstinate as a boat's crew when cutting out. After a fruitless attempt to proceed further on my voyage of discovery, I hove about. The animal answered stays as well as any frigate, and was round sooner than the captain of the forecastle could clap the jib traveller over the end of the jib-boom. I was heartily tired of my horse cruise, and was glad when I hove to at the ”Hoop and Griffin.”

As soon as I had thrown myself on the sofa, my beautiful maid entered.

”Will you favour me with your name?” said I, addressing her with quarter-deck modesty. ”I am called Lucy,” said she. ”That's a very pretty name,” returned I. ”Pray, Miss Lucy, may I ask where the horse came from I have been riding? I have had a worse cruise than a dismantled Dutch dogger on the Goodwin Sands. I have, into the bargain, lost out of my waistcoat-pocket two two-pound notes and five new gloves out of six which I very stupidly stuffed into my coat-pocket.” ”I am very sorry, sir, indeed, for your misfortune,” answered she. ”The horse came from the 'Royal Oak.' We desired them to send a quiet one, as it was for a gentleman who was not in the habit of riding.” ”I wish they had sent me a donkey instead of the baker's horse,” said I; ”he took it into his head to stop at his master's customers' houses, nor could I make him leave them without a.s.sistance. No more cruising on horseback for me,” continued I.

”Pray do let me have plenty of oysters and bread and b.u.t.ter, with a tankard of ale as smiling as yourself, as soon as the waiter can bring them up, for I am very hungry.” ”We have a nice cold chicken in the house and some ham; shall I send them up too?” ”That's the stuff for trousers,”

answered I. ”Let all be handed up in the turn of a handspike, and if I do not do ample justice to the whole, you are not the prettiest girl I have seen. I suppose it would be treason to ask you to partake of the good things I have ordered?” ”Oh, no, sir,” said she; ”that is not the fas.h.i.+on in our house, for me to sit down with a strange gentleman.” Saying this, she left the room, and as I observed the smile which dimpled her blooming cheeks had vanished, I began to think I had said too much. Whilst I was in a blue study, up came chicken, ham, oysters, bread and b.u.t.ter, with the ale. I drew to the table and began with a keen West-country appet.i.te, and for the first ten minutes forgot Lucy, baker's horse, pound notes and gloves, and almost that it was growing dark, and that we were to sail by the next morning's tide. Before I had finished moving my under jaw, which had been in constant motion for the last twenty minutes, in came the purser and one of the mids to report the boat being on sh.o.r.e. ”You have saved me from a surfeit,” exclaimed I. ”Come,” said I to the youngster, ”sit down and finish the feast. As for you, Master Purser, I know you have been faring well elsewhere, therefore I shall not ask you to take anything.”

Having paid the bill and shaken hands with Lucy, I jumped into the boat, and was soon on board. On seating myself in the gun-room, ”Now, messmates,” said I, addressing the second lieutenant and surgeon, ”you commissioned me to buy you each a pair of gloves. I fulfilled it to the letter, but I have left them on the Canterbury road.” I then related my adventure, which elicited a hearty laugh. ”Now,” added I, ”we will have a gla.s.s of grog, and drink to fair Lucy at the 'Hoop and Griffin,' for she is a very pretty girl, and I have lost half my heart.” ”If we do not sail to-morrow,” replied they, ”we will go on sh.o.r.e and see whether she deserves the appellation you have given her.” ”Do,” said I, ”and give my love to her.”

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