Part 18 (1/2)

Priscilla narrowed her eyes at Anna, then folded her arms and looked away in capitulation.

Elaine nodded at Anna and said, ”I'm not sure how long we'll be gone. I'll get word to you as soon as I have a better idea.”

”Thank you, Miss Mallory.” After a beat she hurried to add, ”And thank you, Mister Dresden.”

”Stay together,” I said, and Elaine and I left.

We walked together to the parking lot, and on the way Elaine said, ”Tell me you've gotten a new car.”

We rounded a corner, and there was the Beetle in all its battle-scarred glory.

”I like this one,” I told her, and opened the door for her.

”You redid the interior,” she said as I got in and started the car.

”Demons ate the old one.”

Elaine began to laugh, but then blinked at me. ”You're being literal?”

”Uh-huh. Fungus demons. Right down to the metal.”

”Good G.o.d, you live a glamorous life,” she said.

”Elaine,” I said. ”I thought you told me you were going to lie low until you were ready to come out to the Council.” ... The friendly, teasing expression on her face faded into neutrality. ”Is this relevant right now?”

”Yeah,” I said. ”If we're going after him together, yes, it is. I need to know.”

She frowned at me, and then shrugged. ”I had to do something. There were people all around me getting hurt. Being used. Living scared. So I borrowed a page from your book.”

”And you lied to the Warden who came to check up on you.”

”You say that like you've always told the Wardens everything.”

”Elaine...” I began.

She shook her head. ”Harry, I know you. I trust you. But I don't trust the Council and I doubt I ever will. I certainly did not care to be impressed into service as a brand-new foot soldier to fight their war with the vampires-which I would have been, if I had put my full effort into Ramirez's tests.”

We looked at each other for a moment, and I said, ”Please? I'll go with you. I'll support you before the Council.”

She put one of her warm, soft hands over mine, and spoke in a quiet, firm voice. ”No, Harry. I won't allow those men to direct the course of my life. I won't allow them to choose if I will or will not live-or choose how.”

I sighed. ”You could do so much good.”

”I thought that's what I was doing here,” she pointed out. ”Helping people. Doing good.”

She had a point. ”The Wardens would freak out if you went to them now, anyway,” I said, ”and revealed that you'd been hiding your talents from them.”

”Yes,” she said. ”They would.”

”Dammit,” I said. ”We could use your help.”

”I don't doubt it,” she said. Her eyes hardened and her voice went suddenly cold. ”But I will not not be used. Not by anyone. Never again.” be used. Not by anyone. Never again.”

I blinked and turned to her.

She lifted her chin slightly, green eyes bright with unfallen tears. ”No, Harry.”

I turned my hand under hers, and we intertwined our fingers with the careless ease of an old habit. ”Elaine. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to push. I hadn't realized...”

She blinked several times and looked away from me. ”No, I'm the one who should be sorry. I'm going all neurotic on you, here. I don't mean to be.” She stared out the window at the city. ”After you killed DuMorne, I spent a year having a nightmare. The same one, every single night. I was sure that it was true. That he was still alive. That he was coming for me.”

”He wasn't,” I told her.

”I know,” she said. ”I saw him die just as you did. But I was so afraid... afraid...” She shook her head. ”I ran to the Summer Court because of it. I ran, Harry. I couldn't face it.”

”Is that what you're doing, going public?” I asked. ”Facing your past?”

”I have to,” she said, her voice growing firmer. ”It scares the c.r.a.p out of me, all the time. And over the years... I've had problems with crowds. With enclosed s.p.a.ces. With heights. With wide-open s.p.a.ces. Night terrors. Panic attacks. Paranoia. G.o.d, sometimes it seems like there's nothing I haven't had a phobia about.”

What Elaine had described was about what I would have expected from someone whose mind had been invaded by an outside will. Magic can get you into someone's head, but if you decide to start redecorating to your tastes, there is no way to avoid inflicting damage to their psyche. Depending upon several factors, someone who has been put under that kind of control can be left twitchy and erratic at best-and at worst, totally catatonic or completely dysfunctional.

And there was the utterly normal element of emotional pain to consider, too. Elaine had, in the course of a single evening, lost absolutely everything she loved. Her boyfriend. Her adopted father. Her home.

Losing a home means a lot more to an orphan than it does to most other people. I'm in a position to know. Like me, Elaine had spent most of her childhood bouncing around from one foster home to another, one state-run orphanage to another. Like me, being given a real home, a real house, a real father figure had been a desperate dream come true. It had been a terrible loss to me, and Justin hadn't gotten any hooks into my head. For Elaine, that series of events had been infinitely more painful, infinitely more frightening.

”I let fear control one part of my life,” Elaine said, ”and it took root and started growing. I had had to get involved, Harry. I have to use what I know to change things. If I don't, then all I'll ever be is DuMorne's tool. His terrified little weapon. I will not allow anyone to take control of my life away from me. I can't.” She shrugged. ”And I can't stand by and do nothing, either. I threw the tests. I don't regret it. I sure as h.e.l.l am not going to apologize for it-not to you or to anyone.” to get involved, Harry. I have to use what I know to change things. If I don't, then all I'll ever be is DuMorne's tool. His terrified little weapon. I will not allow anyone to take control of my life away from me. I can't.” She shrugged. ”And I can't stand by and do nothing, either. I threw the tests. I don't regret it. I sure as h.e.l.l am not going to apologize for it-not to you or to anyone.”

I grunted.

”Well?” she asked.

”I think I get it,” I said.

”Are you willing to work with me, then?”

I squeezed her hand a little. ”Of course.”

The tension in her shoulders eased, and she squeezed my hand back. ”My turn,” she said.

”Your turn?”

She nodded. ”You recognized the killer when you looked at the photo.”

”What?” I said. ”No, I didn't.”

She rolled her eyes. ”Come on, Harry. It's me.”