Part 27 (1/2)

The boy looked from the bag to his mother. Jackie nodded and Maddox ripped into the gift. Brody had stopped at the Hess gas station earlier and picked up the holiday toy truck. It was loud with flas.h.i.+ng lights and a detachable helicopter, everything a seven-year-old could want.

”Cool!” Maddox shouted, ripping at the box.

”What do you say, Maddox?” his mother prompted.

”Thank you, Brody.” He looked over at the adjoining door to Shannon's apartment with longing.

It was devious using a kid like he was, but Brody found himself wanting just one more opportunity to be around Shannon. ”I'll bet Shannon would love to see that. Why don't you go show her?”

Maddox's chin went to his chest. ”I can't.”

”Oh, Brody,” Jackie admonished him.

When he glanced up at Maddox's mother, her eyes held both pity and disgust. Brody got to his feet.

”She's already gone,” she said.

Brody ran his hand through his hair, confused. ”She was going to stay until Christmas, next week.”

Jackie shook her head looking at Brody as if he were an idiot. ”She changed her mind. After all, it's not like there was anything keeping her here anymore.”

Twenty-seven.

Brody sat in the back of the church listening but not really hearing the ma.s.s. Usually Advent was his favorite of the church seasons, but he wasn't feeling it this year. He wasn't feeling much of anything. The city itself was decked out for the holidays and snow was in the air. The Blaze had secured a spot in the playoffs and the team was firing on all cylinders. Even better, his health was under control and his contract extension had been finalized. But that feeling of wanting something, but not knowing what, still nagged at Brody.

Sister Agnes patted his hand with hers, much like his grandmother used to do. When he glanced over at her, there was a ghost of a sad smile on her face. He raised an eyebrow in question, but she just shook her head, her hand remaining atop his on his thigh.

”What?” he mouthed to her. Maybe the nun had had a stroke and she couldn't talk. His heart leaped into his throat. ”Are you all right?” he whispered reaching into his jacket pocket for his cell phone.

”I'm fine,” she whispered. ”It's you who are troubled.”

Brody slouched back in the pew. ”I was fine until you nearly gave me a heart attack,” he mumbled.

She patted his hand again and he released a tight breath.

”I'm thinking about the game,” he lied. ”Chicago has a tough defense.”

Sister Agnes shook her head again. ”Tsk-tsk, Brody. Stop hiding behind football.”

He yanked his hand out from under hers. ”I'm not!”

She gave him that pitying grin again. ”Yes, you are. You miss the girl. Just tell her you love her and get it over with. It won't hurt. I promise.”

Brody stared at her, dumbfounded. Had the nun been smoking the incense before ma.s.s? ”I don't miss her.” Except he did. ”And I'm definitely not in love with her.”

Sister Agnes tsked at him again.

”No,” he whispered hoa.r.s.ely. ”Loving someone means trusting them and I'm through with that. Forever.”

”And how's that working out for you, Brody?” she asked.

A roaring began in his ears. He wanted to rail at the nun. ”Is that all you've got?” He kneed the Bible tucked into the holder on back of the pew in front of them. ”A whole book of scripture and you give me that?”

Her smile had gone from pitying to smug.

”Everyone I get involved with sells me out, Sister. It's only a matter of time before you do, too.”

She pulled in a sharp breath but her gaze didn't waver. Brody saw disappointment in her eyes and it made his stomach crawl. He dragged his fingers through his hair again as his temples began to throb. ”I'm sorry, but I'm feeling pretty raw in that area right now.”

”I have a question,” she said gently. ”The girl, did she sell you out?”

Brody swallowed around the boulder in his throat before shaking his head.

”There,” she said, patting his thigh again. ”Deceit isn't in you either, Brody. You were lying to everyone about your involvement with the girl. But you were lying to yourself, too. Your heart was involved. It still is. Don't waste this opportunity, Brody.” With another pat to his thigh, she pulled out the kneeler and knelt for prayer.

Chicago's defense punished the Blaze, but their own defense was just as ruthless. DeShawn managed to punch in the winning touchdown with twenty-nine seconds left on the clock and the crowd left the stadium jubilant and primed for Christmas on Wednesday. Coach presented DeShawn with the game ball amid a chorus of cheers.

”Thanks to a h.e.l.luva block from Brody,” DeShawn shouted and the team cheered again.

”Great game, men. We'll have training staff at the practice facility tomorrow, so make sure everyone gets their aches and pains looked at. Tuesday and Wednesday are off days, but I want everyone back ready to practice bright and early Thursday. We've got a short week. Don't make me regret giving you an extra day off,” Coach barked. ”Merry Christmas, fellas!”

Brody dressed quickly, wanting to get home, where he could clear his head. Sister Agnes's words were still bouncing around annoyingly. He pa.s.sed through the training room to give Nate his drop of blood when Devlin called him from the big whirlpool tub he was soaking his hip in.

”That was a pretty wicked block, Brody,” the quarterback said. ”We wouldn't have won without it. Well played.”

”Thanks.” Brody wasn't in the mood for conversation and he made his way toward the door.

”Something eating you, Brody?” Devlin asked, sounding like he actually cared.

”Nah, I just want to get home.”

”You going to Boston for Christmas?” Devlin was turning into a real Chatty Cathy tonight.

”Tomorrow night.”

The quarterback took a pull from a bottle of water. ”You're lucky to have a big family to spend it with. I can remember spending lots of holidays alone.” He smiled one of his rare grins. ”It's nice to finally have one of my own.”

Brody thought about being smothered by his sisters and their families. It was chaotic and boisterous, but when it came right down to it, he was still alone in the crowd.

”Yeah,” he said. ”Enjoy your daughter's first Christmas, Devlin.” He made his way out of the stadium to his car. Still mulling over Sister Agnes's comments and now Devlin's, Brody went home and ate a solitary dinner Nate had had some dietician prepare. Restless, he climbed back into his Range Rover and drove to the Hampden area of Baltimore to see the famous Christmas lights. An entire block of Thirty-Fourth Street was lit up as neighbors in the row houses strung lights across the streets and on their houses. Inflatable snow globes, musical trains, and blinking angels illuminated the area. It was so over-the-top, Brody was pretty sure the city block was visible from s.p.a.ce. He walked, unrecognized, among the throngs of families enjoying the spectacle. The feeling of loneliness swelled.

Driving back through the city, he made his way to Federal Hill, pulling his car in front of Will and Julianne's loft apartment. Julianne was the wisest woman he knew, aside from Shannon. But Shannon wasn't here and he was pretty sure she was at the center of his melancholy anyhow. Will answered the door, his normally impeccable appearance rumpled in flannel sleep pants and a dark T-s.h.i.+rt adorned with spit-up on the shoulder. Owen wailed from the vicinity of the kitchen.

”At least you knocked first,” his teammate said as he led the way to the kitchen, where Owen sat in his bouncy seat crying and gnawing on his fist at the same time.