Part 12 (1/2)

”Oh, Sunny,” he murmurs, evidently sharing my sentiments. He nuzzles his head against my shoulder. ”I'm so sorry. I've been acting like such a jerk to you this whole trip.”

I reach out to smooth his razor-cut black hair. ”It's okay,” I a.s.sure him. ”You've been going through a lot. It's understandable.”

”It's not that, though,” he insists. ”I mean, yeah, the vampire thing is stressful and all. But that's not why I've been so mad at you.”

I prop my head on my elbow to study him questioningly. ”You're mad at me?”

He sighs, rolling over onto his back to stare up at the ceiling. ”Well, no. I mean, I think I'm mostly mad at myself, I guess. I just...” He lets out a long, frustrated sigh. ”I can't believe I'm going to say this,” he mutters, half to himself.

”Say what, Jayden?” I press, my heart pounding in my chest as I wonder if I truly want to know.

At first I think he's not going to speak. But finally he opens his mouth. ”I was lying there, hiding under the bed in the Bite Club, pretty sure I was going to die. And I kept thinking, I'm going to die and I'm never going to get a chance to tell Sunny how much she means to me.” His voice cracks on the last sentence and I can see the tears welling up in his eyes.

”Oh, Jayden,” I murmur, reaching out to him. But he grabs my hand and pushes it away.

”Let me finish,” he begs, ”or I'll lose my nerve again.” He laughs bitterly, then he turns to face me, reaching out and cupping my chin with his hand, steering my face to his so our eyes are locked onto one another. A chill trips down my spine and I hold my breath, trying desperately to ready myself for his impending words.

”Sunny, I love you,” he says simply. ”I've loved you since the first moment I saw you walk into the Sun Casino in Vegas. I've been trying to be good-to hold back and keep it inside-telling myself that I don't want to make things harder for you by burdening you with these feelings. After all, you made your choice. You chose Magnus and I let you walk away.” He shakes his head, the tears tumbling from his eyes. ”G.o.d, that was the stupidest thing I've ever done. Giving you back to him-who doesn't even deserve you.”

I struggle to draw in a breath, my heart breaking at his raw, honest words. I remember that day-in the hospital room when I tried to give my heart to Jayden. And he told me to go back to Magnus and try to work things out. It had all seemed so n.o.ble and selfless of him at the time. But had it been the right thing for me to do?

Since then, I've been working so hard at my relations.h.i.+p with Magnus. Trying to get over the trust issues we have and always wondering where his loyalties truly lie. Fighting over stupid things-trying and failing to fit into his world while he tried and failed to fit into mine.

With Jayden, it's so easy. We're like two twin souls, with the same desires and dreams. Like two children coming together, finding each other and bonding together against the cold, hard world. With Jayden, I never have to doubt his motives. I never have to wonder if he's lying to me. He's simple and open and pure and good and everything I always dreamed about in a boyfriend.

And he loves me. With all his heart. He's already proven he'd gladly die for me. And there's no conflict of a stupid coven to get in his way.

”Sorry,” he says, his face pinkening into a small blush. ”Again, I don't mean to make things difficult for you. I just can't keep going, pretending you don't mean everything to me.” He gives a sad little laugh. ”So now you know. And you can choose to walk away again-and I won't stop you. Or you can give yourself to me and let me love you the way you deserve to be loved. Dedicating my entire life- mortal or vampire-to making you happy.”

He stops and looks at me with his big puppy-dog eyes and I find I can't speak, my throat is so clogged with tears. And so I do the only thing I know how. I kiss him. Our mouths tumbling over each other in desperate abandon-not thinking, not a.n.a.lyzing, not wondering what the consequences might be to something like this. Just kissing and loving and wors.h.i.+ping each other. The salty taste of our tears mixing with the sweetest ecstasy. A perfect dream bubble in a nightmare of a world.

It's Jayden who pulls away first. ”I'm sorry,” he says, a bashful expression on his face. ”I shouldn't have...”

I put a finger to his lips-swollen and bruised from my mouth. ”It's okay,” I a.s.sure him. ”I... I wanted to.” He looks at me with a shy smile. ”Yeah?” he asks, his voice so full of hope it breaks my heart all over again. A part of me wildly demands to know what the h.e.l.l I think I'm doing, but I push it deep down inside. There will be time for overa.n.a.lysis later.

”Jayden. I have feelings for you,” I admit. ”I always have, as much as I've tried to hide them for your own good. I didn't want to hurt you. Or let you down if I couldn't follow through. I've already caused you enough pain.” I draw in a breath. ”But I do love you. I love you so much, Jayden, and I'm sick of trying to deny it to myself.”

”What about Magnus?” he asks softly, breathing the name I'm trying to block out of my mind.

I roll onto my back, staring up at the ceiling. ”I don't know,” I say with a sigh. ”After how we left things back in England, I don't even know where we stand right now. I mean, of course I love him. But I don't know if I can trust him. And I don't want a relations.h.i.+p based on lies.” I roll back over to face Jayden. ”I mean, look at you. You're so open and honest. I know I can trust you with my heart and soul. And I need that. I really need that.”

I lean forward to kiss him again, desperate to feel his lips brush against mine one more time. But instead, he stops me, pressing a hand to my chest.

”Wait,” he says, his eyes dropping to the floor.

I look at him, puzzled. ”What?” I ask, taking in his distraught expression. ”What's wrong?”

”I need to tell you something.” He rakes a hand through his black hair. ”You say I'm honest, but I haven't been entirely truthful to you.”

Fear trips down my spine at his words. ”What are you saying?” I manage to spit out.

”I...” Jayden swallows hard. ”Oh G.o.d. Promise you won't hate me, Sun. I couldn't bear to have you hate me.”

Now the fear is in my gut, twisting like a knife. ”What, Jayden?” I ask, gritting my teeth in an attempt to keep my composure. ”Tell me. Now.”

”I... well, I didn't tell you the exact truth. About the whole vampire thing, I mean.”

”You mean Cornelius biting you?”

”I mean that he didn't bite me. I was fine after that whole encounter,” Jayden confesses. ”But then you disappeared and I started getting really depressed. And... angry, I guess. Angry that you chose someone else. A bloodsucker-a living corpse- over me. I thought...” He shrugs. ”I thought maybe if I found a way to become a vampire I'd be more appealing to you. That maybe you'd leave Magnus and be mine.”

”But that's crazy! Why would you-?”

”I don't know!” Jayden interrupts fiercely. ”I told you, I wasn't thinking straight. I was so depressed and angry and... I don't know. In any case, I headed down to the vampire bar that I knew Cornelius used to frequent. And I started propositioning vampires, asking them to turn me. My plan was to get one of them to do the job, then take the first plane back to Ma.s.sachusetts-where I thought you were-and profess my love.”

”But no vampire would do that. It's completely against protocol. You have to be certified first! And go through the training.”

He nods. ”I found that out pretty quick. Everyone turned me down. Except for one vampire.” He looks up at me, his eyes br.i.m.m.i.n.g with blood tears. ”His name was Corbin. He wore a red cloak.”

I almost fall off my chair. ”Oh my G.o.d.”

”He and the other Alphas burst into the bar on a mission of vengeance, killing every vampire and human in sight, just as they did today. I begged him to spare my life-telling him I knew you and Magnus and the Blood Coven-thinking maybe it would help my case. He got this weird gleam in his eyes and asked me if I wanted to become a vampire.”

”So Corbin turned you,” I say dully. ”And let me guess, he can hear your thoughts now. That's how they've been able to stay one step ahead of us. To steal the Grail. To break into the Bite Club.”

Jayden cringes. ”Probably,” he says. ”I don't know. Whatever he did to me... well, he didn't finish. He got interrupted halfway through the process by a vampire mob, which chased him off. Which I guess is why I only turned half vamp. Too sick to follow through with my plan to go find you. I couldn't believe it when you found me instead. It was like a dream wrapped in a nightmare.”

”Oh, Jayden,” I cry, my heart breaking. ”Why? Why would you do such a thing?”

”Because I wanted you to love me,” he says simply, his voice hoa.r.s.e with pain. ”I wanted to be the kind of guy you respected.”

I rise to my feet, anger churning in my gut. I can't believe it. Lied to again. Is no man alive worth my trust?

”And now, instead, you're a monster who's put the entire vampire race in danger.”

”I don't care about the vampire race,” he moans. ”I only care about you.”

I shake my head. There's no use arguing. ”I've got to go,” I tell him. ”I've got to warn the coven.”

”I'll come with you!”

”Absolutely not! You've done enough already.” I squeeze my hands into fists. ”G.o.d, I should have never taken you away from England in the first place. Magnus was right. d.a.m.n it, he was right all along!” Why hadn't I trusted him? Why had I just a.s.sumed he wasn't looking out for my best interests?