Part 26 (2/2)

'Isn't it obvious?' Shade whispered. His brilliant green eyes seemed to look straight through her. 'Don't you see? It's me, Polly. The reason we're going to die. It's all me.' me.'

'What are you talking about, Shade?' Polly croaked, backing away.

'I'm from Earth. You know what that means?'

Polly sort of half-shook her head, not wanting to get sidetracked by unnecessary explanations.

'Privilege. Power. Reward.' He gazed up at her. 'My family could buy the planet that Frog grew up on, and barely notice the expense.'

'So?'

'So I didn't want to be like that. Just about money, and privilege. I wanted to give something back.' He smiled at her, a strained sort of smile.

Give something back. Polly thought back to the New Year's resolution she'd made in 1963, to work in the charity shop for cancer research. Giving something back. But she'd hated the squalor of the grey little store in Notting Hill, standing all day amid the remnants of drab little lives on shelves and hangers. She'd walked out after a week - making her mum ecstatic in the process - and donated a pricey pile of last year's fas.h.i.+ons instead to a.s.suage her guilt.

'Go on,' she nodded.

'I joined up. Thought I'd fight for the Empire. Coming from Earth, they made me a lieutenant straight off.' The smile was still on his face, though now it looked like someone had carved it in with a pen knife. 'On New Jersey...'

'You hurt yourself there,' Polly remembered. 'The mine...'

His face crumpled. 'I was squad leader. Schirr everywhere.

Walked straight into an ambush.' He contorted his lips over his clenched teeth, trying to keep the words coming.

'That wasn't your fault,' Polly said gently. 'You were helping the children...'

'No. There were no kids. Except the kids in my squad.' He swallowed. 'Didn't fight. Didn't lead. Just left my men to it.

They were screaming... I didn't care. So scared I ran straight into a mine.'

Polly looked down at the screen again, at the word 'OK', as Shade kept on talking, so quietly she could barely hear him.

'It took half my face off and stopped my career dead.

Without my connections - those same stupid connections I was running from - I'd have been court-martialled and either executed or else given ceremonial duties on some c.r.a.phole world mid-empire.'

'And instead?'

'Instead I was given an honourable discharge, and allowed to rejoin the following year with a doctored record.' He started to cry, a soft mewling noise coming from somewhere deep inside. 'Every day I look at myself. And I remember.'

I never forget the sc.u.m that did this to me, Shade had told her back at the rockfall. Polly looked up from the palmscreen. Shade had told her back at the rockfall. Polly looked up from the palmscreen.

It was hurting her eyes. 'Lindey found out, didn't she?'

'Someone she knew died thanks to me. Thanks to me believing I could be something I'm not.' He clicked his tongue.

'You've got the files there. I think she was going to blackmail me once I'd made AT Elite.'

'Why?'

'Show me one person who's happy where they are. I've always kidded myself I could rough it out in Empire. She wanted Earth contacts, I suppose.'

'And now she's dead?'

Shade stared dreamily into s.p.a.ce. 'All I need do is. .h.i.t the b.u.t.ton, kill the files, and my secret is safe.'

Polly pushed the palmscreen inside her s.p.a.cesuit. 'I know your secret.' She raised her eyebrows at him. 'What about me?'

'It doesn't matter,' he whispered. 'Thanks to me, we're all going to die anyway.'

'No. That's silly, stop it.'

Shade shook his head, shut his eyes. He seemed suddenly exhausted. 'I can't stop it. No one can. I'm a jinx, see. And the ambush, it's happening all over again.'

VII.

The patch of blue light had got everyone excited. Ben noticed that even Creben had abandoned his methodical knocking out of the key rocks in favour of scrabbling at the pile like the rest of them until the hole was big enough to scramble through.

There was a pressure in Ben's ears, like a sea was roaring and rolling in his head. A glittering indigo filled the wide pa.s.sage, blissfully welcome after the murk of the tunnels or the sick green glow of the fleaweed. His feet felt like they were barely touching the ground, like he was floating through the night sky in summer. How many warm evenings had Ben looked out at that dark expanse and imagined he could splash out into it as easily as he could the warm, dark sea.

'Ben.' The Doctor's voice was sharp in his ear, and a hand pressed down on his shoulder. 'Ben, listen to me.'

'What?' Ben shrugged off the Doctor's hand. He didn't want to listen. He only wanted to look. They'd reached an outcrop of rock overlooking a dark chasm. Waves of Caribbean blue rolled across roof and floor, translucent sheets of sparkling light that splashed against the rocky walls and out into the air. It was beautiful.

The Doctor raised his voice. Now it sounded like he was addressing a whole crowd.

'Ben, all of you, listen to me.'

Who else was here then?

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