Part 39 (1/2)

”Always,” he answers. ”Text me so I know you're okay?”

I wrap my arms around his neck and look him in the eyes as I let the gravity of what's about to happen sink in. He leans his forehead to mine, closes his eyes, and wraps his arms around my waist. I could stay here with him, like this, and never want anything else, but I have something to do.

”I'll call you,” I say, kissing him before releasing my grip, and as I walk to the door I turn to see him watching me leave.

”What am I doing here?”

I've been sitting in the car, parked across the street from the house I think belongs to Andie for twenty minutes, but I have not been able to get myself to make the next step: getting out.

”She's going to think I'm crazy,” I say out loud again. ”I am crazy: I'm sitting in a car. Alone. Talking to myself.”

Get out of the car.

I will my body to cooperate with my mind, but it doesn't appear to care. The guys said I don't have to do anything, and I know that, but I don't think I've ever been afraid of anything as much as I am right now.

Maybe I'll take a walk.

In front of her house.

That seems completely normal.

The mental pep talk I gave myself on the way over doesn't seem to be working, so maybe good, old-fas.h.i.+oned self-deception will. When I open the car door to step out, I feel as if I'm running on autopilot without control of my body. The door slams shut behind me and I straighten my clothes in an effort to look presentable before checking my appearance in the side view mirror.

The car makes the familiar sound to indicate that it's locked as I cross the street, but a car whizzing past stops me.

Maybe it's a sign that I should turn around.

The thought comes to mind, but then I recall the words of Madame Rae: ”...things are not always what they seem, so keep an open mind...”

You got this.

There are no cars coming, so I walk the three car lanes safely avoiding any mishap, but walk in the opposite direction of the house I want to visit. I think I need a few more minutes to prepare-or at least that's what I'm trying to convince myself.

Turn around. What's the worst thing that can happen-she rejects you? Been there, done that.

I close my eyes and take a cleansing breath as I force myself to turn around and face my fear. The last address I have for her is four houses away and the journey to get there is painfully slow. There are two women jogging toward me as they push strollers with sleeping babies in them, and for some reason I want to laugh. Maybe it's nerves.

As I get closer, the b.u.t.terflies in my stomach work overtime and I'm not sure if I'm going to make it, but I push through until I'm standing in front of the house I stared at yesterday. It's small and the yard leaves little room for a pet since a blossoming garden takes over the entire site. Beautiful roses and exotic flowers grow wild and there looks to be a vegetable garden, too.

I look up at the house and prepare myself to walk the short distance to the door, but I lose my nerve when I see the children's toys strewn across the small front porch. My body refuses to take the steps that lead me there and before I know it, I've turned around to make a hasty retreat for Cole's car.

”Are you Charlize?” a voice calls from behind me and I freeze in place.

Don't turn around, I tell myself over again, but my body doesn't cooperate at all.

”I'm sorry,” I say as I turn around and I'm faced with a beautiful woman with dark brown hair, much darker than my own.

”Charlize?” she repeats with a smile.

I swallow hard and shake my head since the words don't seem to want to come out of my mouth.

”Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were the person I was interviewing for the nanny position,” she says as her cheeks flush. ”She's supposed to be here in an hour, but when I saw you standing on the sidewalk, I thought you were her and you were early.”

”I'm sorry, ma'am, I was just out for a walk,” I lie, unable to take my eyes off her.

”Do I know you?” She c.o.c.ks her head to the side and examines my face as she offers a friendly smile.

”I don't think we've ever met,” I answer genuinely because I have never met her. ”My name is L-uka, my name is Luka.”

If I say ”Laila,” she may figure it out and I'll scare her. Thank G.o.d my parents gave my sister an ”L” name.

”That's a great name,” she grins and stares at me more intently.

”Mommy,” a little girl yells and runs out of the house into her arms. ”Evan hit me.”

”I'm sorry,” she says to me before looking at her daughter. She has wispy blond hair that's pulled into a small barrette, and electric blue eyes that catch my attention. ”Ava, you two need to be nice. Go tell your brother to come here.”

”Terrible twos my a.s.s,” she laughs. ”Terrible threes and fours is more like it. I'm sorry, I didn't introduce myself, I'm Andie-I'm sorry, but are you sure we've never met?”

”I'm positive, I'm not from here, I'm from-Arizona-visiting a friend.” It's amazing how easily the lies are coming to me.

”Maybe you have a familiar face. I'm a hotel manager downtown and I see lots of faces.” She shrugs, maintaining her smile.

”That's probably it,” I answer.

She extends her hand to me and I take with an easy smile.

Hi, Mom.

”Nice to meet you,” I say in return. ”So you have two kids?”

Her face looks sad for a fleeting moment and she nods. ”Yeah, twins just turned four.”

”It only gets crazier,” I offer. ”My sister is five and she's a handful.”

”Don't tell me that, I'm so scared of anything over ten,” she says when the little boy comes running out to her begging to be held.

”Mommy, who's dat?” he asks, pointing to me.

”That's Luka,” she says. ”Can you say h.e.l.lo?”

”Hi,” the two say in unison.

”Hi,” I say back.